Fic: Without You (Profiler, Sam/Bailey)

Author’s Note: Inspired by spoilers for S4 of the show but written before it actually aired. Oh and, um, I was in college when this was written. I was barely out of my teens. I make no excuses for the sappy songfic other than that. 😉


It was the same counter at the same bar where Sam had first laid out before him the rules under which she would come out of retirement. Rules she herself would break within days. To take back her life…or so they’d all thought.

Bailey sighed deeply and cast a sideways glance towards his friend, who was studiously ignoring him in favor of her as-yet-untouched margarita. The past few weeks had been hellish for all of them; he would never forget waking up in the hospital to learn that Sam had disappeared, or that the arch-nemesis they’d all thought was safely on death row had instead been playing them all like marionettes for over a year…his chest tightened with anger and remembered pain. Damn him. Damn that bastard, Jack. If it weren’t for him…

“Are you sure about this, Sam?” Bailey asked, his voice low and subdued.

She nodded with a weak smile, lifting her topaz-blue eyes to his. “I tried, Bailey. For three years I tried, for your sake. But every time I thought it was finally over…”

Sam shuddered, her mind turning through a whirlpool of hated images that refused to go away. I almost lost you this time, Bailey. I can’t go through that again. “Chloe and I…we can’t keep living like that. And I can’t expect either of us to try any longer.”

“I don’t expect you to either,” Bailey conceded softly. I just wish you didn’t have to leave to have the life you want.

“I know you don’t.”

He sighed again. The curt eloquence he’d always prided himself on seemed to have died on his lips the day she announced she was leaving, deader than Dickens’ doornail. And the man who’d always known just how to get what he wanted suddenly couldn’t find the words to ask for what he wanted–no, needed–more than anything.

“Can I buy you another drink?” he finally asked after an eternal, awkward silence.

Sam laughed softly, lifting her glass. “I haven’t finished this one yet, Bailey.”

He smiled sheepishly, dropping his eyes to his own drink, his third Scotch of the evening. A movement caught his eye and he turned to watch as two teenagers fell against the jukebox, necking. The girl was fumbling behind her with one hand to make a selection, but couldn’t make the effort to break the kiss.

He shook his head with a rueful smile. Kids always thought they knew everything about life…and love. More fool they.

Then again, maybe these two did know something, he corrected himself with a touch of surprise as he recognized the opening strains of the song the girl had selected. Normally he wasn’t a fan of country music, but he’d heard this one in a movie once…

He turned back to Sam, a decision suddenly made. “Well, if I can’t get you a drink, how about a dance instead?”

She looked doubtful, so he reached out to take her hand. “Come on. One last time?” he coaxed.

With a reluctant smile, she conceded, allowing him to lead her to the dance floor and pull her into his arms. She drew back only a little, startled, as she too recognized the song.

“Bailey–”

“Shh, Sam,” he scolded with an unexpected tenderness in his voice. “Just listen.”

How do I
Get through the night without you?
If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be?

Oh, I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold
You’re my world, my heart, my soul
If you ever leave

Baby, you would take away everything
Good in my life
And tell me

Sam bit her lip to hold back tears, overwhelmed by the message her best friend was clearly sending. Oh, Bailey, don’t you see, that’s why I have to leave? Because I couldn’t…

How do I live without you?
I want to know

I couldn’t live if I lost you.

How do I breathe without you
If you ever go?
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I
Oh how do I
Oh how do I live?

Beginning to cry softly, Sam let her hand slip from Bailey’s, reaching up to lace her fingers together behind his head. He pulled her close in response, pressing his face against her hair.

Without you
There’d be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There’d be no one left for me

“Janet?” Sam whispered.

Bailey pulled back a little to look at her, a sad smile coming over his features. “Janet moved out the day you told us you were leaving. She said she could see my choice in my eyes.”

Oh, I
Baby I don’t know what I would do
I’d be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave

“And she’s right, Sam,” he continued. “In the end, I could never choose anyone but you.”

Baby you would take away everything
Good in my life

“I love you.”

And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go?

Sam buried her face in his shoulder, now crying in earnest. “I know,” she whispered. “I know.”

How do I go on?
If you ever leave
Baby don’t you know that you’re everything
Real in my life?

So tell me how
How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go?

“Don’t go, Sam,” Bailey whispered into her hair. “Please.”

How do I ever, ever survive?
Oh how do I
Oh how do I
Oh how do I live?

Sam pulled back, staring into the deep coffee-brown eyes that had saved her life more times than she could count.

How do I live without you?

She couldn’t just wait around for the next madman to try to close those miracle eyes that saw through to her soul. If she left, at least he would always be there, a friend from afar.

How do I live without you?

“Oh, Bailey…I love you so much. That’s why I just can’t–I just can’t wait around for the next psychopath to try to take you out of the way.”

“There won’t be a next one, I promise.”

“You don’t know that, Bailey. You can’t know that…unless you gave up the team, and I can’t ask that of you.”

“I could, Sam. For you, I could do it.”

“No. I would never want to be the cause of that.”

He shook his head, his eyes almost black with pain. “So you would rather give up on this before we even start? I wasted too much time already, Sam. I don’t want to wait until it’s too late.”

“Bailey–”

“I won’t ask you to come back to the team–God knows I should never have asked you to come out of hiding in the first place…” But I was selfish. I needed you. I still do. “But couldn’t you at least stay in Atlanta?”

Let her go, Malone. If you really love her, let her go, a voice piped up in the back of his mind. Bailey ignored it.

Sam took a long, deep, shuddering breath and buried her head in his chest again, even though the music had died. How easy it would be to just stay here forever, in the strong curve of his arms…

So why couldn’t she do the easy thing? Why this hesitation, this fear?

When she spoke, her words were as much for herself as for him. “I don’t know, Bailey. I just don’t know.”

This entry was posted in Bailey/Sam, Het, Profiler and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *