Fic: Dear Bailey (Profiler, Sam/Bailey)

Dear Bailey,

There was a time when I had myself convinced that she was a substitute for me. That you fixated on her because you couldn’t forgive me for what I had done. Even though I hated her for it, it was a comfort because it allowed me to believe that special bond that had formed between the two of you wasn’t real. And you can’t really blame me for thinking that way–after all, there is a resemblance between us.

Maybe that was true once, but today in that hospital room I realized I have it backwards. Samantha Waters has not been a substitute for me in years, if she ever was. No, instead, since I came to Atlanta, I’ve been a substitute for her.

I’m sorry, Bailey, but that isn’t what I left Daniel for. I entertained some wild hope that maybe a spark of the passion we once shared still existed, and now that I know I was deceived, there’s no reason for me to stay. You used me, and no matter what may lie in our past, I don’t deserve that. And I’m not going to allow it to continue. I’m going back to Baltimore.

I wish I could believe that you would care.

I realized something else, too, Bailey, about our relationship. We never had one. Not the kind of relationship you have with her, even though you’ve obviously never told her how you feel. We were never friends. We were never really in love, though we once thought we were. We were never anything more to each other than a good time in bed. And while those were damned good times, it’s not enough anymore. Maybe I’m getting old, maybe I’m jaded, or maybe I’ve just finally come to my senses, but I can’t–I won’t–settle for the purely physical, and neither should you.

You’ve never been afraid to go after what you want, except when it came to Sam Waters. Maybe that should have tipped me off to just how much she means to you.

Don’t be afraid. You won me back with a single kiss, even though your heart wasn’t really in it. I don’t even want to imagine how hard it would be to resist your love, because thinking of that will only make me wish I’d ever had it.

Goodbye, Bailey. Believe it or not, I really do wish you the best in the life you’ve chosen. I hope you find her and never let her go.

Because in spite of everything, you still deserve to be happy.

Love always,

Janet

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