Fic: The Way You Kissed Me (SMM, Peter/MJ)

Author’s Note: I wrote this before “Spiderman 2” came out; my interpretation of what Mary Jane was thinking during the final scene in the graveyard.

How could I have been so wrong?

That’s all I can think of as you walk away from me. How could I have misjudged your feelings so badly? Did I just see what I wanted to see?

With everything that’s happened recently, you were my one constant. From the day you caught me in the cafeteria, through graduation, as we both began to confront the realities of life after high school, you were there for me. You encouraged me to follow my dreams. You accepted me just as I am, waitress uniform and all. You were there for me when Harry let his father treat me like a piece of trash, and then had the nerve to yell at me for being hurt by it. You made excuses to be around when I needed an encouraging smile. You even took two buses and a cab to get there.

You made me fall in love with you. How can I accept that you don’t feel the same? After what you said to me in Aunt Mae’s hospital room? After the way you kissed me? You didn’t kiss me like a friend, Peter. You kissed me like a man in love. You kissed me like–

Oh my God.

I hear myself gasp as one hand flies to my lips. The way you kissed me…

There’s only one other man who has ever made me feel like you do. Who made my pulse race just to look at him. Who was always there for me when I needed him. Who believed in me more than I believe in myself. But it was a juvenile fantasy I put aside when I chose the reality of you.

I never saw his face, but Peter…when you kissed me, you tasted just like him.

I remember an incident at school, almost a year ago. I remember you catching me–and my lunch–with almost inhuman reflexes. I remember an accident with a cafeteria tray, and a fight where Flash couldn’t touch you, no matter how hard he tried. Everyone forgot about it as soon as things returned to normal, but I remember now. And I remember that I never saw you wear your glasses again after the field trip to that lab at Columbia.

The lab with one “super-spider” that had gone missing.

(“You know who I am.”)

It was you who saved me, that day on the balcony. That night, in the alley, I should’ve known it was you the second you told me you were “in the neighborhood” for the second time in only minutes. It was you who risked everything for me, that horrible, horrible night on the bridge when my life became a pawn in a rigged game…

Suddenly, I understand. I know what you couldn’t tell me. I know that you lied to me when you said you could never be more than my friend. And I know why.

But I know something else, too. I know you can’t keep me safe by pretending not to care, Peter, no matter how much you want to. I know I’m willing to take the chance, if it means having your love. And I know I’m not going to let you sacrifice both our happiness for an illusion of safety. It’s my choice too, and I choose to love you and damn the risk. Because I know it’s worth it.

How could I not, after the way you kissed me?

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