Author’s Note: Written shortly after “Miracles and Wonders,” at which point I had only been watching the series for a few weeks, so I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Jordan’s background is a little off. Oh well. *g*

I stopped believing in God when he took Paul away from me. I know, that sounds about as logical as marching up to the girl who stole your boyfriend and telling her she must not exist because if she did, she wouldn’t have done it. But it made me doubt, and doubt can be a powerful thing when you’re young and bitter. I’d been told all my life by priests that everything has a purpose, a reason, but I couldn’t see any reason for Paul to walk away from me. At least not any good one. So if God didn’t have his reasons, maybe there was no God–it was a hell of a lot better option than believing God was just out to get me, or didn’t care one way or the other.

And then I went into medicine, and the more I began to consider myself a scientist, the more justified I felt I was in rejecting the idea of a God–loving or otherwise–somewhere up there. There was no divine creator of the universe with a master plan and a reason for everything. No one to be disappointed in. No one to let me down again. Only matter and energy and chaos and coincidence and chance.

But suddenly I’m forced to wonder if I was wrong. If maybe there was a reason Paul left me all those years ago. If maybe that reason was so that I’d find myself standing here today, across from this man.

He smiles at me, squeezing my hand, and I find I almost can’t breathe with happiness. And as silly as it seems, I feel as though everything that’s happened in my life has been funneling me towards this moment. A moment I would never have had if Paul left me for his God. If Mom hadn’t died. If Dad hadn’t lost his badge. If my heart hadn’t been broken a thousand times or more since by a hundred different scumbags.

Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly happy that all those things happened to me. I would give anything to have my mother here today, to see this. But…I guess all I’m saying is that if this was the destination, I have a new appreciation for the journey.

He looks at me again and I smile back at him, hoping the words I’m about to say will communicate even one tenth of what I feel right now.

“I, Jordan, take you Woodrow, to be my lawfully wedded husband…”

God, if you’re there…thank you.