Author’s Note: Thanks to Ellie for the beta and Britpicking. 🙂 Oh, and a teensy nod to evil_demandred’s “A Man for All Seasons” vid. This was written after “Ghost Machine” with limited information about what to expect from “Cyberwoman”.
You’re starting to fall for him. You can feel it, and you curse yourself for it.
You’ve already got everything you want–you’ve got Rhys, Lord love him, you’ve got stability, you’ve got a life outside of work. Jack can’t give you any of those things: never mind the fact that he lives there, in that hole in the ground you all call headquarters, you’ve seen his type before.
Well…not exactly his type. You’re pretty sure they broke the mould when they made him.
Still…you’ve seen men enough like him to know that loving that sort can only mean heartache. The sort that exude charisma, drawing you to them like a moth to a flame. The sort that flirt as easily as they breathe, and just as unconsciously. The sort whose back catalogue could keep one busy until the sun explodes. Charming, attractive, almost–to borrow a phrase from one of your recent adventures–a walking aphrodesiac, and on the whole, completely insincere.
What makes Captain Jack Harkness all the more dangerous is that he is sincere. In his own strange way, he’s a perfect gentleman. Whatever boundaries he may lack in his own personal life, he’s perfectly willing to respect the boundaries of others. He’s secure enough in himself and in his charms that he doesn’t take the rare rejection as an affront to his ego or a challenge to be overcome, but rather simply moves on. And as a result, when he does speak of his own prowess, it comes off not as boasting but as a statement of simple fact.
Of course, it doesn’t hurt that it is fact, though hardly simple. Truth be told, you’ve never met a man with as much sexual charisma. You saw the alien possessing Carys light up when he kissed her as it hadn’t done until the moment of climax with any of her victims. You’ve seen the way your teammates’ eyes follow him whenever he’s in the room and not dressing them down–even Owen’s and Ianto’s. You’ve felt it yourself: who would have thought that a simple shooting lesson could be so…stimulating? Or more striking yet, that his utter lack of regard for personal space should leave you not angry or offended but wanting more?
And yet this is the same man who held you after you had killed a man, with no expectations and nothing offered but the comfort you so desperately needed and couldn’t seek at home.
It’s but one more facet of the mystery surrounding him. One more contradiction to file away and try to piece into a puzzle that has yet to take any recognizable shape. Sometimes he seems more alien than any of the things or creatures you’ve collected.
Perhaps it’s that mystery that draws you to him, or the charisma, the sincerity, the gentleman, the contradictions…perhaps it’s all of the above.
Or perhaps it’s the loneliness in his eyes that he can’t seem to hide from you: the loneliness that persists even as he charms his way through the entire population of Cardiff, both male and female. You wonder, is it just the curse of immortality? Or as incongruous as it seems, did he once have a great love and lose it? He never answered Ianto’s question, but there’s a faraway look that comes into his eyes whenever you say or do something that slips under his guard; who does he see, in those moments, instead of you?
And how does a severed hand–a hand that, disturbingly enough, seems to still have some life left in it–fit into it all?
It all adds up to nothing so far as you can see, and yet at the same time the answer is so terribly simple: Jack Harkness is a honeyed trap indeed, but even he can’t escape his life undamaged. You’re breaking your own heart if you’re stupid enough to give it to one so ill-equipped to keep it safe.
And yet, not all the logic in the world–nor the good, solid man at home who doesn’t deserve to be robbed of his place in your affections so cheaply–can stop you falling into his orbit like matter into a black hole.
All you can do is hope to survive.
Author’s Note: Long ago I meant to write a sequel to this story (entitled “Escape Velocity”) which would explain how things changed for Gwen in the second half of the first season, but it never happened. Suffice it to say my theory was that she couldn’t forgive Jack for what happened in “Small Worlds,” and that steered her away from him.
Later seasons, well…not touching that. 😉