Fic: Places I’ve Never Been (SG-1, Sam/Jonas)

Author’s Note: Written for the stargate100 Mark Wills song challenge; song is “Places I’ve Never Been.”


Jonas still remembers the night she confessed she would’ve taken him anywhere. Hiking in the Rocky Mountains that surrounded them. Montego Bay. Each and every one of the seven wonders of this world. Just to get him to come back.

He’d found the worn-out, crumpled list under a pile of schematics on her desk, traced the tear stains that decorated it with a wondering finger, and asked her what it meant. He’d kissed her the first time because of that answer.

Because there was no place on Earth he’d never been where he wanted to be more than in her arms.

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Fic: Regret (SG-1, Teal’c/Drey’auc)

Ryan waits by the phone to hear if his father and the man he considers his grandfather survived the transplant. There are too many miles between them for him to be there when it happens.

Drea could have handled T leaving the army if he hadn’t traded one danger for another by following Bray to the fire academy. She wanted him to take a job where he would be sure to come home to her and to their son every night. He wanted to save lives. So she left him.

Watching her son now, she knows Ryan never forgave her.

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Fic: Universe (SG-1, gen)

Author’s Note: Written for the stargate100 Mark Wills song challenge; song is “Universe.”


Oma might as well have put up a big “don’t walk on the grass” sign, for all the rules he’s been told he has to follow.

He can look, but not touch: watch his friends suffer, but offer them nothing. All the knowledge and power in the universe lies in his incorporeal hands, but only for its own sake. Heaven forbid–and heaven does forbid–that gift be applied.

For the man he once was, it would have been enough. He’s no longer that man.

The universe is at his feet, but he’s not allowed to be part of it.

 

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Fic: Family Secrets (P:NW/SGA, gen)

Author’s Note: Because these two ladies were too awesome not to be related. Also, in my universe, Elizabeth is neither dead nor a Replicator.


Every time Dylan thought her life couldn’t get more surreal, it did. This time, though, had to be the pinnacle of weirdness. It wouldn’t matter what kind of creature came through the next anomaly, or what they found on the other side of some future one. Nothing could top taking down a dinosaur with her aunt.

“Okay,” Dylan whispered as they hunkered down together behind a wall of crates. “Tell me again why you’re not a lot more freaked out about this?”

Aunt Elizabeth smiled ruefully. “I can’t. Not without clearing it with a whole lot of people on both sides of the border first.” She held her tranq rifle more comfortably than Dylan would ever have imagined of the peace-loving diplomat she’d idolized. “You said this is all non-lethal?”

Dylan nodded. “We don’t want to risk changing the past by killing it.”

“Good.” Aunt Elizabeth cocked her rifle. “Then let’s send this one home.”

Posted in Crossovers, Gen, Primeval, Primeval: New World, Primeval: New World/Stargate Atlantis, Stargate Atlantis | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fic: Reevaluation (Sherlock/Pern, gen)

Written for: grav_ity for a prompt meme over a year and a half ago, but I forgot to put it here before now. *g*


“Remarkable,” mused Lord Mycroft, his eyes skimming the group of brand-new weyrlings as they were escorted from the hatching grounds.

Wingleader Gr’gor, who’d been seated beside him, followed the line of the young Lord’s gaze to its object: Mycroft’s brother, now to be known as Sh’lock, and his new-hatched brown, Jonth. “How so?” he asked. “He’s Ruathan born and weyrbred, that boy. Surely you of all people know how many fine dragonmen and women your line has produced.”

“Intimately,” was the dry response. “Yet the fact remains, before his fosterage, the one complaint I heard most often regarding my brother was that he possessed the empathy of a tunnel snake, if not less. And none of the intelligence I have received since has given cause to believe otherwise. I’m not displeased, merely…surprised.”

Lestrath’s laughter rumbled through his rider’s mind, and Gr’gor couldn’t help smiling. Naturally his bronze had been listening in on the conversation; curiosity was one quality that man and dragon shared.

Not that the Lord’s concern was not genuine–Mycroft might seem as distant as his younger brother to those who did not know him, but Gr’gor had ample opportunity to observe them both, Sherlock in particular. That was the crux of the difference: in the years since young Sherlock had come to be fostered at Fort Weyr, Gr’gor and Lestrath had seen a great deal of the young man, far more than his Ruatha-bound brother. The lad’s incredibly quick mind demanded occupation far above what the standard fosterling’s duties offered, to a point where he often sought out danger for a break from the tedium. Hence why so many at the weyr thought him arrogant, reckless, even unfeeling. But–a secret known only to the three of them–Lestrath spoke to the lad, and Gr’gor knew his dragon too well to take such a thing lightly. Lestrath saw the same thing that Gr’gor did in Sh’lock–a boy with the potential to grow in to a great man. Possibly even a good one.

He’d come close to despairing that potential would ever be reached a time or two. Now that Sh’lock had Impressed, though, it gleamed brighter than all the jewels in Crom’s deepest mines. Even with “only” a brown, he could see Sh’lock becoming the sort of rider that ballads were written about for centuries to come. All he’d need was the right dragon, and only time would tell if Jonth’s potential was equal to that of his Rider.

If they were not equals, Jonth would not have chosen him, Lestrath pointed out, pretending to be insulted.

Gr’gor smiled as he answered Lord Mycroft. “Perhaps, but then, he’s never had a dragon before.”

Lord Mycroft appeared to consider this, lips pursed. “True. The matter does appear to require reevaluation.”

Posted in Crossovers, Gen, Sherlock, Sherlock/The Dragonriders of Pern, The Dragonriders of Pern | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fic: A Kind Word and a Two-by-Four (B5, Marcus/Franklin)

Author’s Note: Draws upon information, events and occasionally dialogue from the episodes “Grey 17 is Missing,” “Atonement,” “Racing Mars,” “Lines of Communication,” “Between the Darkness and the Light,” “Endgame,” and “Learning Curve,” as well as the novel ‘To Dream in the City of Sorrows.’ Marcus also quotes or paraphrases Hamlet, Macbeth and the New Testament, and his description of Stephen to Durhan is taken more or less directly from something Jason Carter said about Richard Biggs at Phoenix Comic-Con earlier this year, because it broke my heart and I wanted a reason to see it said it in a happier context.

Acknowledgments: Thanks so much to Medie for being my beta reader, my cheerleader, and as always, a hand to hold as “OMG deadline is almost here and I’m not finished!” panic inevitably set in. Oh, and for more or less coming up with the title! *g* Love you, hon!

Written for: Muccamukk for rarepairfest 2013.


It wasn’t so much waking up to find Stephen watching him that surprised Marcus; it was waking up at all. He’d fully expected to drift peacefully into the unknown country from which no soul returns, had rather been looking forward to it if he was being honest with himself. Not because he had any particular desire to be dead, but there were certainly worse ways to go and he was a romantic at heart, after all.

“Welcome back.” Stephen’s voice was dry and hardly welcoming, and his rather sharp gaze was more than a little disconcerting. That was the trouble with not dying as planned, Marcus supposed; the whole business was a little disconcerting. Not to mention damned disorienting.

The other trouble with finding oneself suddenly alive when one had expected to be dead was that it raised certain questions about the purpose one had intended to die for. Marcus sat up, rather too suddenly for health that, while still extant, was clearly not quite robust. He managed to blurt out “Susan!” before a wave of dizziness made him collapse back to the bed.

“–is fine,” Stephen answered brusquely. “You, on the other hand, are damned lucky that Lennier managed to let me know what you were up to in time to stop you. I’d ask what you were thinking, but I don’t have to.”

“I was trying to save her life,” Marcus protested.

“No, you were trying to make a grand gesture.”

Well, when you put it that way… “That too.” No point lying about it, he supposed.

Stephen snorted and turned away, jabbing angrily at buttons angrily on the biobed where Marcus lay. “Well, for the record, if you ever do anything that stupid again, you’ll be lucky if I don’t kill you first.”

“What would you have had me do?” Marcus protested. His own temper flared just enough to break past the cheerful façade he kept carefully raised most of the time. “Let her die?”

That snapped Stephen’s attention back to him. “How about talking to a doctor, maybe someone who knows how the machine works? Someone who could’ve told you that if you split the time between two or three people, it can still save a life without anyone having to give theirs in return?”

“But your own records said it was still too dangerous!” Marcus protested.

“Of course it did!” Stephen snapped back. “Do you think I wanted anyone trying something like this?”

Marcus stopped, taken aback. The idea had genuinely never occurred to him. “…oh.”

“‘Oh’,” Stephen echoed, with more facetiousness than Marcus felt was strictly necessary. “See, that’s the problem with a martyr complex. Why bother talking to anyone who actually knows what they’re doing when you can just assume they’d try to stop you and plow straight on ahead?”

“You’re taking this all a bit personally,” Marcus objected.

“Personally?” Stephen echoed incredulously. He folded his arms across his chest and gave Marcus a look that could’ve bent steel. “Marcus, I’m your doctor, and at least I thought I was your friend. I think I have a right to take you trying to kill yourself a little personally.”

“You forgot husband,” Marcus quipped. “Or rather, ex-husband, I suppose. Either way, as surviving next of kin, you’d likely inherit all my worldly goods. Such as they are.”

If anything, Stephen’s expression only hardened. “You think that’s funny?”

“I thought it was worth a go.”

“Oh, I know you did,” Stephen answered angrily. “You forget how often I’ve watched you derail a conversation with a well-timed quip. It’s practically your trademark. But it’s not going to work. Not this time, not on me. You did something incredibly selfish–”

“Selfish!” Marcus interrupted in disbelief.

“Yes, selfish!” Stephen snapped back.

“John 15:13, ‘Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends,'” Marcus quoted, his own temper rising. “Or, oh, I’m sorry; do Foundationists not care about the Bible?”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from an atheist.” Franklin laid down the tablet he’d been working on with a little too much force, then turned back to Marcus, waving a scolding finger at him. “You want to jump in front of a PPG for Ivanova, or anyone else for that matter? Fine. Give her the last of the oxygen in a dying ship? That’s a noble act. But running out on your friends in the middle of a battle and not even asking about other options before you jumped head first into the one that was sure to kill you? That’s using her as an excuse to fulfill your goddamn death wish, and yeah, I think that’s pretty selfish.”

Marcus wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. Partly because his head rather hurt and it made thinking difficult. Well, no, that wasn’t quite accurate. His entire body hurt, now he’d had time to get used to being in it still. More, though, he hadn’t yet quite managed to follow Stephen’s logic.

Had he a death wish? He hadn’t thought so. Massive survivor’s guilt over Arisia and William, certainly. Gaping black hole in his heart where his family had been, check. Copious amounts of no-longer-repressed anger at the Universe in general, yes. But he wouldn’t have thought he’d gone out of his way to get himself killed in any real sense, he’d simply thought that if it were a choice between the Universe going on without him in it or without Susan, that he’d vastly prefer it be him.

“Did you stop to think for a moment how the people who care about you would feel about you throwing your life away?” Stephen asked then, more quietly.

“There are no more people who care about me,” Marcus responded immediately. He might be delusional, but not in this regard. He was fully aware that his feelings for Susan were unrequited.

“You’re wrong about that,” Stephen retorted quietly. “Ivanova may not be in love with you, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care what happens to you. And what about…what about the rest of us?”

The hesitation struck Marcus as odd, though for the life of him he couldn’t work out why. Still, he was moved by the implication that the people on Babylon 5 would care what happened to him. He hadn’t expected that. His presence here was transitory at the best of times, and even when he was on board, he rarely interacted with the command staff save when there was a crisis. (Though, granted, there had been a number of crises in the past two years.) The rest of the time he’d spent mostly amongst the Lurkers.

Stephen sighed, as if sensing Marcus’ surprise. He patted him awkwardly on the shoulder. “Get some rest. You may not be dead, but you probably took at least ten years off your life, if not more. Give yourself some time to recover.”

“All right,” Marcus acquiesced almost meekly. “But if I could just…”

“I’ll let you see her as soon as one or both of you is well enough to visit the other,” Stephen promised shortly. “Now go back to sleep. Doctor’s orders.”


Marcus drifted in and out of consciousness for what alternately felt like hours or years, but was probably somewhere in the middle. Days, maybe. Every time he opened his eyes, Stephen was there, watching as though he expected him to try again. It got to a point where it began to annoy; he hadn’t actually tried to commit suicide, whatever Stephen thought, so he certainly didn’t need to be kept on suicide watch.

Then finally a time came when he opened his eyes and Susan was there. She was standing ramrod straight, stiff and awkward, but she was there. “Hey,” she greeted him woodenly.

“Hello.” He drank her in with his eyes for a moment. Susan shifted, clearly uncomfortable. Awkward didn’t begin to cover it, he thought ruefully. “So. Did we win?”

She laughed: a short, almost ugly sound of disbelief. “You’re asking that now? It’s been weeks!”

“So?” Marcus retorted. “Until today, I had more important things on my mind.”

Susan frowned, which wasn’t the reaction he’d been hoping for, though probably the one he should’ve expected. “Yes, we won. No thanks to you or the two White Stars you took out of action.”

Now it was his turn to frown. “…two?”

“Yes.” She was glaring at him now. “Who do you think picked up Franklin on Mars and raced back here so he could unplug you from that damned machine?”

“Sheridan authorized that in the midst of the assault on Earth?” Perhaps Stephen was right after all about them caring about him. He felt oddly touched.

Susan snorted. “Stephen didn’t give him much choice in the matter, once Lennier told him what he thought you were planning.”

Another awkward silence descended between them, Marcus mulling over this new revelation, Ivanova glaring at him as though she would’ve laid the entire fault at his door had the assault on Earth failed, even though one White Star, even two, wouldn’t have made a great deal of difference in the final equation.

“Why did you do it?” she finally asked, her voice low and weary.

Marcus turned his head to look at her. “Does it really need to be said?”

Susan didn’t answer, only continued to watch him unhappily.

He sighed. “Because I love you.”

She closed her eyes, as if she’d been both expecting and dreading that answer. He certainly wasn’t expecting hers, though: “No, you don’t.”

Marcus’ eyebrows shot up and he stared at her in astonishment. “Excuse me?”

“You’re in love with some…Jewish version of Joan of Arc you’ve got up on a pedestal who happens to look like me,” she insisted, her voice still weary. “But she’s not me. Marcus, you don’t know me. How could you possibly love me?”

“I know enough.”

“Marcus.” Susan brought a hand up to rub her eyes with a tired sigh. “This is real life, not Camelot. You’re not Sir Lancelot or Don Quixote and I’m sure as hell not Guinevere or Dulcinea. Soul mates and grand gestures, that’s not love; it’s bullshit ancient romanticism that for some reason we just can’t shake. Love is hard work. It’s choosing again every morning to stay by someone’s side even if they drive you up the wall or you hate everything they stand for. You can’t love someone you don’t trust or respect.”

“I have the utmost respect for you,” he objected.

“Do you?” She gave him a hard look then. “Because either you didn’t know me well enough to know that I would have wanted you to stay in that fight and see it through no matter the cost to myself, or you didn’t respect my wishes enough to care.”

That stung like a…well, like an ice pick through his heart, to be honest.

Susan sighed again and dropped her eyes, looking anywhere but at him for a moment. “Look…thank you. For saving my life. I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful for that…” It took a moment though before she could force herself to look at him again. “But I’m never going to feel the way you want me to. I don’t know if I’m even capable of it; the romantic in me died a long time ago. Don’t waste your passion, your life, on me.”

“I can’t just turn off my heart,” he protested.

“I’m not asking you to.” Something wry, almost like a smile, crept onto her face. She glanced back over her shoulder as if looking for something…or someone. “Just…maybe turn it aside a little. Trust me, Marcus, there’s someone who deserves everything you want to give them. Someone who would be willing and able to give just as much back. It’s just…not me.”

He wanted to protest that no one could be more deserving, but somehow the words wouldn’t come out.

Susan took a deep breath and let it out slowly before changing the subject. “Look…a lot’s been happening while you were out…” She filled him in on the end of the war, the formation of the new Interstellar Alliance, and Sheridan’s appointment as its first president.

“That’s wonderful,” Marcus answered, the words sounding flat and insincere even to his own ears. “So then you’ll be taking over command of the station.”

She shook her head. “No, I’ll be taking over command of the EAS Titans.”

His breath caught in his throat. “You’re leaving.”

She nodded.

“Susan, don’t. Not…not on my account.” He’d hate himself forever if he was the reason she’d given up a command he knew she’d wanted ever since Sinclair was first reassigned.

“I’m not,” she answered honestly. “Well…maybe a little. But the fact of the matter is I need to command a ship before I can command Babylon 5, if for no other reason than to show the skeptics back home that I can do it and didn’t just get the job as a reward for good behavior. John knows that as well as I do, which is why he let me accept without protest. I’ll come back. Someday.”

Someday. After she’d given him a chance to get over her. “And if I still feel the same when you do?” he demanded.

Susan smiled again, more sadly this time. “You won’t.”


The first few weeks without Susan were the strangest. Marcus kept expecting to hear her page someone over the comms, or see her coming out of Earhart’s or a closed meeting with the Drazi. It was also difficult at first not to judge every decision the new commander made by what Susan would have done, like the way she handled the small but steadily growing colony of rogue telepaths in down below.

He still blamed himself in part for Susan’s departure, but as one of the senior Rangers on the station, he was kept busy enough that most of the time he hadn’t time to wallow in it. So it was nearly a month before he had a moment to really stop and miss her.

Much to his shock and consternation, he discovered he…didn’t. Or at least, not the way he’d expected to, like a part of himself was missing. He missed her as a friend, as a colleague, but not as the object of his affection, the better part of himself. It was rather appalling: he’d been determined to prove her wrong and here he was doing just the opposite.

It troubled him enough that he found he had difficulty sleeping that night. So, after tossing and turning for several hours, Marcus finally gave up and threw his clothes back on. He wandered out into the station, not entirely sure where he was going until he found himself outside Stephen’s door, his finger on the chime before he had entirely thought it through. But if there was anyone on board the station who could help him work this out, it had to be the one man he could confidently call a friend.

“Stephen. Stephen, it’s Marcus. Let me in, I need to talk to you. Stephen!”

The door slid open and Stephen stood there, looking alarmed, with a robe thrown on hastily over a pair of pajama pants and…a surprisingly muscular chest. Marcus couldn’t help but do a double take. He’d had no idea the physique his friend was hiding under his uniform, probably because their hotel on Mars had been blown up before they’d ever actually spent a night in their honeymoon suite.

“What, what’s going on?” Stephen demanded.

Marcus pushed past him into the room and began to pace it. “I’m not in love with Ivanova!” he blurted out, his own disbelief still apparent in his voice.

Stephen’s eyes narrowed and he folded his arms over his chest. “You woke me up in the middle of the night just to tell me that?” he asked, his voice bordering on dangerous.

“Yes!” Marcus exclaimed in genuine distress. “Because I was in love with her a month ago. I was ready to die for her a month ago. Am I really so bloody fickle that I can go from that to barely noticing she’s gone in only a matter of weeks?”

Stephen groaned and dropped his face into his hands. “Marcus, I am really not the person you should be talking to about this–”

“You’re the only person I can talk to about it,” Marcus insisted. He turned a pleading look on him. “Please, Stephen. You said you were my friend, and I need a friend right now.”

Something indecipherable flickered across Stephen’s face before he reluctantly nodded. “Fine. Just…give me a moment to get dressed.”

“Not necessary,” Marcus answered distractedly. “I only need a moment.”

“Good for you,” was the wry response. “I am still not going to sit around discussing your love life in my pajamas. I’ll be right back.”

He disappeared into the bathroom with a change of clothes. Marcus continued to pace, and was still pacing when Stephen came out again. This time he was wearing a pair of casual trousers and a form-fitting t-shirt, his feet still bare. It was a good look for him, one he ought to wear more often, though admittedly the job probably didn’t allow much opportunity for casual civilian wear.

“All right,” Stephen said with a sigh before sitting down on the sofa. “So what’s the problem again?”

“Stephen!” Marcus nearly whined. “I’ve just discovered that my eternal devotion to the woman of my dreams is apparently a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. What do you suppose the problem is?”

“That you’re being too hard on yourself?” Stephen retorted. “Look, Marcus, no one is going to hold it against you if you get over a woman who was never going to return your feelings anyway. Spending your whole life pining away unrequited is only romantic in the movies.”

“But it’s only been a month. A month!” He kept pacing, his cloak swirling around him every time he hit one side of the room and turned. “What does that say about me?”

Stephen opened his mouth to answer, but hesitated.

“What?” Marcus demanded.

“I’m not sure you’re gonna like it,” Stephen warned.

“I already don’t like it,” Marcus retorted. “What could possibly be worse?”

Stephen shrugged as if to say it was his funeral. “Well…maybe you weren’t really in love with her to begin with. Maybe you just thought you were.”

That suggestion stung surprisingly less than it had when Susan herself had made it, although that in itself was painful. “That I was only in love with an idealized version of her I had put on a pedestal,” Marcus echoed her words woodenly, wondering if he looked nearly as unhappy as he felt.

“Pretty much, yes,” Stephen agreed. He looked up at him and frowned. “Look, Marcus, I’m sorry, but you did ask.”

A self-deprecating laugh escaped before Marcus could catch it. “She said the same thing, you know. And that I was wasting my passion and my life on her when there was someone else who deserved it. Odd that she used that particular phrasing,” he ruminated. “Almost as if she were referring to someone in particular.”

Stephen looked away, probably embarrassed at how blatantly Marcus was spilling his heart out.

Marcus’ shoulders slumped, and he flung himself onto the sofa beside Stephen, who flinched, but didn’t move away. “I don’t understand it. I felt everything I was supposed to feel for her. If that isn’t love, what is?”

Stephen looked at him. “And where, pray tell, did you get this idea of what you were supposed to feel?”

Marcus looked sheepish, staring down at his toes. “Well…there wasn’t a great deal to do on Arisia colony before one was old enough to help with the mining efforts…”

“So you read a lot.”

“All the classics,” Marcus admitted with a little shrug. “They were free to download. Vids, music, and more recent works were not.”

Stephen sighed, remembering how Marcus had responded to David McIntyre and his claim to be Arthur. “Why does that not surprise me?” he muttered under his breath. He looked back up at Marcus and gave him a sympathetic smile. “Susan is a very attractive woman, and I don’t mean just physically. For someone who wanted to fall in love as much as you obviously do, it makes sense that you latched onto her. And the fact that she didn’t feel the same fit so well into your romantic ideal that I’m guessing you just figured it was part of the deal.”

“Perhaps,” Marcus answered miserably. “Do you really think that’s all it was? That I wanted to be in love, so I made myself believe that I was?”

“It’s possible.” He shifted a little, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation though Marcus couldn’t imagine why. Maybe because he wasn’t behaving in a properly masculine fashion: refusing to talk about his feelings. “Look, Marcus, it’s like that vow you told me that you take when you become a Ranger: ‘We live for the One, we die for the One.’ Dying for someone is relatively easy, if you ask me. I think when you really love someone is when you’re willing to live for them. To live with them, no matter what.” His voice turned dry as he added, “Even if there are days–and nights–when you want to kill them instead.”

“Sounds rather dull, if you ask me,” Marcus answered almost scornfully.

Stephen flinched again, almost imperceptibly. “Yeah, well, maybe it is. Which is probably why books and movies have romanticized a more passionate, fleeting idea of love for so long, a kind that can’t last no matter how much they try to claim otherwise. Me, I’d rather have the dull, steady kind of love any day. I’ve had the other, and while it has its charms in the short term…” He grimaced. “Well, let’s just say there’s a reason I didn’t set up house on Mars.”

“Is it too much to want both?” Marcus asked as he slouched deeper into the sofa cushions, now thoroughly depressed.

“Hey, I didn’t say that kind of love can’t have passion,” Stephen corrected quickly. “Just that it doesn’t depend on it, so it doesn’t just…go away when the passion fades for a while.”

“And how would you know so much about it?” Marcus demanded.

Stephen stood abruptly and walked away. “Look, it’s the middle of the night, and I’m tired. Can we talk about this some other time?”

Marcus raised his eyebrows. “Touchy, aren’t we?” He sighed and stood as well. “Very well. I suppose there wasn’t much more to say on the matter anyway. Sorry to have bothered you.”

Stephen turned back to him, closing his eyes for a moment in obvious frustration at the petulance in Marcus’ voice. Even so, his voice when he spoke was placating, even gentle. “It’s not a bother, I just…I need to sleep. I’ve got an early shift tomorrow and if I’m not alert when I’m on duty, people die. And I can’t…” I can’t take stims, he pointedly didn’t add, falling back instead onto, “I need to sleep.”

“Right.” Marcus felt suddenly sheepish. “Of course. I’ll just be on my way.” He started to leave, but paused and turned back in the doorway. “Thank you. For listening.”

Stephen smiled ruefully. “Any time, Marcus. Any time.”


The Universe was a sneaky bastard. When Delenn informed Marcus that she’d invited Sech Durhan and Sech Turval to the station to brief her on the latest goings on with the Rangers, and that as senior Ranger on the station, he was expected to attend, the first words out of his mouth had been, “Don’t suppose there’s any way I could find myself demoted, is there?”

Truth be told, Marcus had rather been avoiding his old teachers ever since the incident with the alien healing machine. Deserting in the midst of battle, even in the name of love, was almost certainly considered conduct unbecoming in a Ranger. Any one of them would no doubt seize the opportunity to have his head for it, Durhan in particular. That it was Durhan and Turval both was even worse. As much as they twitted each other about caste differences, underneath the bluster they were quite good friends and therefore were almost certain to tag-team him.

Entil’zha Delenn had willfully misunderstood his reaction and cheerfully reminded him that he required no further training, neither in the denn’bok nor in meditation.

He would, however, she informed him–as if to reinforce the pleasure she clearly took in his discomfort–be required to accompany her to receive the Sechs’ ship when it arrived at the station.

They’d brought a pair of new recruits with them, both Minbari. Tannier of the religious caste and Rastenn of the warrior caste, both young and eager in a way Marcus couldn’t remember ever being. He hoped for a moment this might serve to distract them, but that hope was short lived. Turval singled him out almost as soon as they left the docking area.

“Anla’shok Cole,” he said in that same pleasant voice that almost always forewarned trouble, folding his hands in front of him and looking at Marcus with that ever-present twinkle in his eyes. “It is a pleasure to see you alive and well.”

“Why, were you expecting otherwise?” Marcus quipped.

Turval only looked at him steadily, eyes still dancing.

Marcus sighed as his last hope of escaping judgment withered. “Heard about that, did you?”

Turval inclined his head. “It was most upsetting. Though not, perhaps, unexpected.”

“You’re not going to tell me I have a death wish, are you?” Marcus asked tiredly. “I’ve got that from far too many people of late.”

He realized only after he said it that he’d walked rather neatly into one of the Sech’s expert little traps. If Turval had eyebrows, they would have climbed into his equally nonexistent hairline. “Indeed?” he asked in a voice that almost shook with amusement. “Surely something that is seen by so many must be quite apparent, and you would not need to be told of it.”

Marcus looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Hang on. Do you mean that if it were true, I would already know and wouldn’t need to be told–and so therefore it must not be–or that if it’s so obvious to everyone else, I must be incredibly blind not to see it myself?”

Turval smiled. “What do you think?”

“I think I’ve been had,” Marcus answered with a sigh. “Entil’zha Delenn specifically promised me that I was done with my training, but no one ever stops being your student, do they?”

“Learning is a lifelong process,” Turval answered serenely. “Learning to understand oneself, even more so. What have you learned about yourself of late, Marcus?”

That his heart was a more fickle thing than he liked to believe? That he wasn’t the man he’d always wanted to be? That, having made up his mind to die, he’d no idea what to do with himself now that he was still alive? That he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that the answer should be as plain as day and he was just too blind or too stupid to see it?

He sighed. “I’m still working that out, I think.”

Turval smiled again and gave him a reassuring pat on the back. “A very good reason to live, don’t you agree?”

“I…I’m not sure.” Marcus frowned. “I don’t think anyone dies knowing all the answers.”

“No,” Turval answered with another smile. “But so long as you still desire to know more than you do, you will not seek out death.”

“Yes, Sech Turval,” Marcus agreed meekly. If having questions in need of answers was all it took, then he ought to be safe until the ripe old age of one hundred. But that answer still felt strangely unsatisfying. Maybe it wasn’t so much a matter of finding all the answers or even trying to, but merely of finding the right answer. Well, if so, that still ought to sustain him for a good few years yet, since he felt no closer to whatever the right answer was.

Marcus pondered that all through the meeting with Delenn, Durhan and Turval, and even after it when Turval pulled Delenn aside to speak with her privately. So absorbed was he in his own thoughts that it didn’t occur to him to offer to shepherd Tannier and Rastenn when Turval suggested they explore.

He might have known something was bound to go wrong. This was Babylon 5, after all. Which was how he found himself racing to Medlab only a few short hours later, cursing his own inattention all the way there. Rangers or no, the two young men he’d met weren’t ready for Down Below, not on their own, and one of them had nearly got himself killed as a result.

He burst in just as Durhan was announcing Mora’dum and leaving, followed by Rastenn and Turval. Delenn remained, but Stephen glanced at Marcus before approaching her. “What the hell is Mora’dum?” he demanded.

Marcus wondered idly if Stephen would have used slightly more diplomatic language if he’d been addressing that question to Delenn alone. The thought made him smile.

“It is a part of Ranger training,” Delenn answered, her eyes never leaving Tannier. “It means…’the application of terror.'”

It could also mean ‘the end of terror,’ but that was a meaning that was rarely applied until after the ritual had been completed successfully.

“A Ranger can’t afford to be paralyzed by fear, in any situation,” Marcus explained when Stephen glanced his way again. “So as part of our training, we’re asked to confront anything we fear, to take away its power over us. As soon as Tannier is well enough to stand, he will confront his attacker.”

“Are you–?” Stephen started to shout, then cut himself off abruptly when he realized Delenn was still in the room. He threw her an apologetic smile, then pulled Marcus aside and whispered fiercely at him, “Are you serious? You’re going to make that kid face down the people who beat him up while he’s still recovering from the injuries he sustained the first time?” There was a tightly contained fury in his voice.

“Consider it the Minbari equivalent of getting right back on the horse,” Marcus quipped.

Stephen gave him a dirty look.

Right. Not a fan of him using humor as deflection. “If he waits until he’s fully recovered, by then the fear may be too deep-seated to root out,” Marcus explained more honestly. “Besides which, an enemy isn’t going to give you time to recover or gather your wits about you, so it behooves your instructors to do likewise. The Minbari believe that a warrior or an Anla’shok must be willing and able to fight through his or her terror at the moment it occurs, or as near to as physically possible, regardless of the personal consequences.” He paused a moment before adding, “If it helps, the ritual isn’t always this harsh. How each fear is faced and conquered varies according to the nature of that fear. And in any form, the Mora’dum is remarkably effective.”

Stephen still didn’t look pleased at the idea, but he looked at Marcus with…well, new respect wasn’t really accurate because he’d always had Stephen’s respect. It was more like sympathy. “And you did this?”

Marcus nodded. “It was part of my training. I wasn’t just away at Boy Scout camp, you know.”

“Well, I knew that,” Stephen answered defensively. “I just…” He waved a hand aimlessly before finally giving up and changing the subject. “Does he have to have this confrontation alone?”

“Yes and no,” Marcus hedged. “The other Rangers will be present, but not allowed to interfere in the fight itself. Only to provide moral support.”

Something almost like relief passed over Stephen’s face. “So then, you’ll be there.”

“I can be,” Marcus answered, his surprise almost certainly showing on his face. “Would that help? Even if the ritual forbids me to intervene, even if Tannier is at the point of death?”

“Yes,” Stephen answered plainly.

“Why?” Marcus asked, amazed.

“Because I know you, I trust you–”

“–and I trust them.”

“Still…” Stephen grimaced, as if this were hard to admit for some reason. “I’d just feel a lot better about it if I knew you were there. Looking out for the kid, in whatever sense possible.”

Marcus felt immeasurably touched that his presence, even with hands tied, would make such a difference to someone who cared as passionately about preserving life as Stephen did. “Then I’ll make sure of it.”


“Enter!”

Marcus reflected with a smile that his old teacher’s bellow likely could’ve been heard through the door even without the speaker. Said door slid open then and he stepped through into the Sech’s guest quarters.

“Marcus,” Durhan said, sounding pleased. “What can I do for you?”

Marcus bowed and asked politely, “I would like your blessing to participate in the Mora’dum for Tannier, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Of course!” Durhan boomed. “I expect to see all of my Rangers there.” He quickly added, “Excepting, of course, the Entil’zha, as she has other duties. I will inform you as soon as the time and place have been chosen.”

Marcus bowed again and turned to leave, but was stopped by Durhan’s voice: “And you, Marcus, have you finally faced your fear?”

He turned back, frowning. “Your pardon, Sech Durhan, but I don’t understand. I went through Mora’dum during my training just as any other.”

“Yes,” Durhan nodded briskly. “But there was one fear you never did admit to, and thus could not face.” He gave Marcus a shrewd look. “The one that brought you to us, seeking a new family to replace the one you had lost.”

It took Marcus a moment to realize what he was referring to, even though Durhan’s words had inspired a creeping chill in him the moment they were spoken. When he did realize, though, he tried to laugh it off. “You think I’m afraid of being alone?”

Durhan gave him the same knowing, skeptical look that all of the Sechs of the Anla’shok seemed to have perfected.

“I’m not alone,” Marcus defended himself. “I have Stephen.”

“And who is Stephen?” Durhan asked.

“A friend,” Marcus answered simply.

“Surely not your only friend,” Durhan suggested with a hint of a smile.

“No,” Marcus admitted. It was a bit odd that he’d singled out Stephen, of all people. Once he’d bothered to look, he’d realized he had many friends: among the command staff, the other Rangers, even the Lurkers. But Stephen…in a strange way, Stephen seemed to know him better than the others. He had a way of cutting to the heart of the matter that even Sech Durhan and Sech Turval could only approximate. “But he is my best friend, and you don’t get many of those.”

Durhan nodded thoughtfully. “So you have found a friend, but you still have not faced your fear. What if something were to happen to this ‘Stephen,’ to take him away?”

Marcus suddenly couldn’t breathe.

Durhan persisted as if he hadn’t noticed. “Would you throw your life after him, as you nearly did for this ‘Susan’?” he asked.

“Are you mad?” Marcus blurted out without thinking. “He’d murder me for even thinking about it.”

Durhan sat back with a look of surprised satisfaction on his face. “As my esteemed colleague Sech Turval would say…now you begin to understand.”

“Understand what?” Marcus demanded, bewildered.

Durhan didn’t answer, only smiled again. “I will see you at the Mora’dum.”

Knowing a dismissal when he heard one, Marcus bowed and departed. As he made his way back to his own quarters, however, he realized that between the two Sechs, he was in nearly as great a state of confusion as he’d been the day he realized his affection for Susan wasn’t what he’d thought it. Was it any wonder, Marcus reflected with no little rue, that he’d given them a wide berth until now?

Turval had told him once that the purpose of meditation was to allow a Ranger to truly know oneself, even in the quiet spaces. To “truly see and to see things as they truly are” in any given situation. He’d absorbed that lesson and he’d grown to appreciate it over the time of his training…but if he were being honest with himself, he hadn’t done a great deal of meditating since he’d finished his training. Once, when he’d faced Neroon to protect Delenn as she became Entil’zha, because he knew he would need every bit of centering it gave him even to hold out for long against such an experienced warrior. But not since.

Considering how the past few months had persuaded Marcus he knew himself a great deal less well than he’d thought, perhaps it was past time. It would have to wait until after the Mora’dum, however. The last thing he needed, after all, was to be interrupted on the verge of an epiphany.


If he’d had any doubt that he’d left this far too long, the fact that he had more difficulty settling into it than he’d had since his training would’ve convinced Marcus otherwise. First, he couldn’t get comfortable in a pose he’d assumed hundreds of times. Worse, though, was that his mind simply refused to shut up. All of the voices, all of the questions that had been plaguing him ever since his unexpected escape from death began to circle like vultures every time he closed his eyes.

Susan smiled sadly at him and told him again that there was someone who deserved his love more than her. Stephen alternately scolded him for nearly dying and waxed poetic about his decidedly un-poetic notions about love. Sech Durhan and Sech Turval taunted him with hints of an understanding he’d not yet achieved.

If his inner voice was even listening, it was likely going to have to shout to make itself heard.

Sighing, Marcus squirmed about until he wasn’t sitting quite so much on the bones of his ankles, then took a deep breath and tried again. As he’d been taught, he attempted to concentrate on his breath, making each one deliberate and holding both the intake and the exhale as long as he was able.

A Ranger must know how to truly see and to see things as they truly are in all situations, he echoed back Sech Turval’s words to himself. Or, as Entil’zha Sinclair had once suggested, he needed to “get out of his own way.”

Well, perhaps the best way to do that was to simply be honest for once. Marcus took another deep breath, and this time instead of fighting the questions and thoughts circling in his mind, allowed them to coalesce.

Did he have a death wish? Marcus forced himself to look back on his actions all the way back to Arisia. At the recklessness that Turval had chided him for during his training. Honesty demanded he admit to himself that it had never really gone away; he’d merely gained enough skill to mostly offset the worst of it. But the machine hadn’t been the first time of late that he’d gone into a situation fully not expecting to come out of it, and to his shame, not much caring if he did. Maybe he had taken “die for the One” a little too much to heart, and “live for the One” not enough. It made sense. He’d already known he blamed himself for William’s death, that he still missed his brother like a phantom limb. Maybe a part of him had wanted to end it all, even though he didn’t believe in an afterlife and therefore didn’t believe he would find his family waiting for him when he did.

As for Susan, if he hadn’t loved her, then what had he felt? She most assuredly would not ever have played the wilting damosel to his rescuing knight, so it couldn’t be that. He’d admired her from the first; her beauty, her fearlessness, her audacity in the face of ridiculous odds. And he’d wanted so much to make her smile, because her heart seemed as broken as his own, only less well hidden. Maybe that was it. Maybe he’d seen in her a kindred spirit and, despairing of ever healing his own heart, had made up his mind to heal hers instead, will she or nil she.

Something Delenn had said to him once, over a year ago, came suddenly back to him. He’d been trying to get out of having to attend the Rebirth Ceremony she was planning, and had insisted he had nothing left to give up as part of the ceremony. She had pointed out that he still had his grief and his solitude, and that until he let go of those, he would never truly heal. At the time, he’d resented the suggestion, but now he began to wonder. If Durhan was right and he truly feared being alone, why had he been so determined for so long to believe that he still was? So much so that the idea that anyone still cared about him had come as a shock?

William wouldn’t begrudge him going on to find a new family to cling to. For that matter, William had done so himself long before Marcus had even allowed himself to consider such a thing, when he’d been so obsessed with being honoring his parents’ legacy that he’d driven himself nearly into the ground doing a job he hated. He’d resented his brother for it for a long time, very nearly up to the time when he died. Because Marcus envied William’s freedom, his willingness to live his own life and not feel bound by the expectations of others.

His use of humor to deflect unwanted questions had begun that way, as a protection against how astutely William had always seen through him, as though he were the elder brother instead of the younger. Of course, it had always worked about as well on William as it did on Stephen.

Stephen. Who cared whether Marcus lived or died and took it personally when he came too close to the latter, and whose opinion Marcus cared enough for to be more careful with his own life. Who saw through Marcus as though he were a pane of glass, even when he himself all too often couldn’t see past the mirror. Stephen, who told him the truth when he asked for it, and even sometimes when he didn’t, whether it was what he wanted to hear or not. Who trusted him with a totality that Marcus wasn’t sure he’d ever experienced before. Who spoke of the sort of steady, steadfast love he wanted in his life as though it were something he already experienced, at least in part.

Stephen. His best friend.

Who looked quite ridiculously attractive in nothing more than a pair of pajama pants and a hastily thrown-on robe over that magnificent chest of his.

Marcus’ eyes flew open and he stared across the room in shock. Two words in a hoarse whisper slipped past his lips: “Oh, bugger.”


He was in love with his best friend. Had been, most likely, since before he’d given up his hopeless infatuation with Susan. He’d just been so busy drowning in the noise of his own melodrama that he hadn’t been able to hear the too-quiet whisper of his heart.

It all made sense now. How Susan had seemed so certain that there was someone else, why Stephen had been so reluctant to contribute to his personal epiphany about his feelings–or lack thereof–for Susan, and yet also why he’d done it anyway. Why he’d singled out Stephen, rather than any of his other friends or acquaintances aboard the station, as the one who made him feel less alone. Why even the thought of something happening to Stephen put a greater pressure on his heart than the fact of Susan dying had done, and yet made him unwilling to act on it impulsively because he knew how Stephen would react.

Even, going all the way back to Mars, it explained why Stephen had seemed so uncomfortable with their cover as newlyweds, and yet at the same time been so reluctant to take up Number One on her quite obvious invitation.

There was just one problem.

While Stephen’s actions, and even Susan’s, seemed to strongly indicate that Stephen did indeed feel the same way, Marcus still didn’t know for certain. And it would be more than a little embarrassing to get himself mixed up in something unrequited again, now he’d escaped the gilded cage of the first time.

So, for the next few weeks, Marcus watched him. Carefully.

As the evidence mounted up, it seemed more and more to support the favored hypothesis, but the trouble was Stephen absolutely refused to be tricked, snookered, or otherwise bamboozled into an outright confession. Marcus had even tried taking him to one of the seediest bars in Down Below and attempting to get him drunk enough for a little in vino veritas, but Stephen had resolutely nursed one drink the entire night, the very soul of moderation.

By the time another month had passed, there was nothing left for it but to simply ask.

Marcus waited until Stephen had a day off. Being the senior medical officer there was still every probability that he might be called in at any moment to deal with some sort of emergency, but at least the likelihood of things being interrupted was reduced. And if there was one thing Marcus didn’t want, it was to get the answer he hoped for only to find himself stymied in the attempt to do anything about it.

He might be a virgin, but if Stephen truly did feel the same way about him, Marcus didn’t intend to remain one any longer than absolutely necessary.

So it was that he showed up at 0700 at Stephen’s quarters, dressed and pressed, perfectly groomed, and with fingers crossed behind his back. He pushed the chime and waited for an answer. When he got one, he leaned in and said, “Stephen, it’s Marcus. I need to talk to you.”

It took a moment, but finally Stephen opened the door. Fully dressed, much to Marcus’ disappointment, but still wearing that same wonderful look of pure exasperation. “What, again? Marcus, I haven’t even had my morning cup of tea yet. Can’t it wait?”

Marcus withdrew one hand from behind his back with a treasure in it. “I’ve got something better.”

Stephen’s eyes widened as he took in the plastic baggie full of already ground coffee. He nearly snatched it out of Marcus’ hands, and demanded, “Where did you get that?”

“Susan left me the location of her secret plant in hydroponics,” he answered with a cheeky grin. “One presumes as an apology of sorts. You know: a ‘sorry you nearly died for me’ sort of thing.”

Stephen shook his head at the bag of coffee, as if he couldn’t believe Marcus had kept it from him. “In that case, please, come in!” He bustled away into the kitchen area to find a coffee pot.

Marcus couldn’t help a small smile of self-satisfaction. And some men brought flowers–little did they know! He helped himself to a seat in the living area and waited patiently while Stephen brewed the nectar of the gods and poured two cups, one for each of them.

Finally, he returned with one cup in each hand, setting one down before Marcus before settling himself into the sofa with the other. “So. What did you want to talk to me about?”

Marcus very deliberately waited until he took a sip before asking, “Are you in love with me?”

Stephen nearly spat his coffee out all over the sofa. “What??”

“It’s a simple yes or no question,” Marcus persisted cheerfully with his cheekiest grin. “Are you in love with me?”

Stephen sputtered, looking as flustered and as flabbergasted as Marcus had ever seen him. He considered that an excellent point in his favor.

“Where the hell did that come from?” Stephen demanded, once he recovered his wits enough to speak.

“Little things, mostly,” Marcus admitted, beginning to tick off a list on his fingers. “Like how personally you took me nearly dying.”

“I told you already,” Stephen snapped. “You’re my patient and my friend. Of course I took it personally!”

Marcus continued undaunted. “Then there was the fact that you were clearly uncomfortable with me talking about my feelings for Ivanova.”

“It was the middle of the night. I was tired.”

“You couldn’t handle being in the same room with me whilst only half-dressed.”

“Excuse me, what?” Stephen’s eyebrows shot up.

Marcus didn’t give him a chance to find an excuse on that one, only plowed on. “You said love is living for–and living with–someone, even when you sometimes want to kill them. I can’t think of anyone you’ve sometimes wanted to kill more than me.”

Stephen choked a little. “Wait, now you think I’m in love with you because you annoy me? Marcus, cockroaches annoy me too, but that doesn’t mean I want to marry them!”

Marcus grinned, a little giddy by this point. The gentleman certainly did protest too much! “Speaking of marriage, there’s another thing. You always did take our marriage far more seriously than I, and you never liked when I made a joke of it.”

“That wasn’t a relationship! That was a farce,” Stephen pointed out.

“Ah, but that was the trouble, wasn’t it?” He smirked when Stephen glared at him. “You’re the one who brought up marriage.”

Stephen covered his face with his hands. “Marcus…”

And that was when it hit him. The one argument Stephen couldn’t possibly dispute. “Then there’s the fact that in going after me to stop me using the machine, you did the very thing you accused me of: deserting our friends in the midst of a battle to save one life, presumably that of someone you loved. So I have to ask again: are you in love with me?”

Clearly aware he was defeated, Stephen threw up his hands. “All right, all right, damn you!” He stood, not speaking again until he was standing on the other side of the room and pointedly not looking at Marcus. “Yes. Yes, I am. I have been ever since Mars, although I didn’t realize it until you pulled that…stunt with the machine.” His fists clenched at the memory. “It was the only thing that made any sense of why I wanted to strangle you when you were here, but missed you when you weren’t. Happy now?”

“Yes.”

Stephen turned around, eyeing him with equal parts suspicion and surprise. “Oh yeah, and why’s that?”

“Because,” Marcus answered, rising from his own seat and crossing the room to take Stephen’s face in his hands. He grinned again, and for the first time in years, that smile was as genuine as it was euphoric. “Pining your life away unrequited is only romantic in the movies.”

Then he kissed him.

It took Stephen a moment to catch up, no doubt a bit still in shock from the revelation. Once he did, though, his arms went around Marcus’ waist and pulled him closer and he kissed him back with a skill and passion Marcus had heretofore only dreamt of. Marcus in turn twined his arms around Stephen’s neck, and for a moment they lost themselves in each other.

When they finally came up for air, Stephen spoke first. “There’s just one thing I don’t understand,” he asked breathlessly. “Were you or were you not madly in love with someone else a grand total of three months ago?”

Marcus’ smile turned cheeky once more. “Not according to my doctor. And since he seems to know me better than I know myself, I took his word for it. I can get a note, if you like.”

Stephen gave Marcus another glare, but there was an unmistakable fondness in it this time: one might even say affection or adoration. “That won’t be necessary,” he declared, and kissed him again.

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Fic: For the Night Has Been Unkind (B5, Sinclair/Garibaldi)

Author’s Note: A slightly AU missing scene from “Sleeping in Light.”

Acknowledgments: Thanks so much to Medie for being my beta reader, my cheerleader, and as always, a hand to hold as “OMG deadline is almost here and I’m not finished!” panic inevitably set in. Oh, and for coming up with the title! *g* Love you, hon!

Written for: Muccamukk for rarepairfest 2013.


Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
Sarah McLachlan, “Answer”

Delenn found him in the courtyard after dinner. He would later wonder if she’d made the rounds, after hearing from Susan about the conversation they’d had, but at the time he’d been too engrossed in staring out at the city. Tuzanor, the “City of Sorrows” that had been the birthplace of the Rangers…Valen’s favorite city on all of Minbar.

Figures, Michael reflected dourly. Twenty years gone and a thousand years dead and I still can’t get away from you.

He only noticed she was there when a throat was cleared delicately behind him. Embarrassed to have been caught staring into space, he turned. “Hey, I was just, ah…admiring the scenery.”

Delenn smiled and came to stand at his shoulder. “It is beautiful,” she agreed. Silence lapsed between them for a moment, then she asked, “I did not get the chance to ask at dinner…how are you, Michael?”

He shrugged with deliberate nonchalance. “Me? I’m peachy as always. Why?”

“I noticed…in your toast…that there was someone you did not mention,” Delenn pointed out astutely.

Michael grimaced. “You mean Jeff?” She nodded. He sighed and turned again to stare out at the skyline of the city. “I guess that’s because even after all this time, it still doesn’t feel like he’s really gone. Especially not here on Minbar. Hell, I see a reminder of him everywhere I look.” He waved a hand at the temple that was visible from where he stood, one of dozens in Tuzanor and probably thousands over the whole of the planet dedicated improbably to the man he’d once called his best friend. “Literally.”

Turning back to Delenn, he offered her a crooked smile. “This was his house once, wasn’t it?”

She smiled. “Twice, actually. It was built for Valen a thousand years ago, but it was also given to him again when he came to Minbar as Jeffrey Sinclair. None but the Entil’zha may live here, so…” her voice trailed off into sadness.

So when John was gone, she would have to move? Or would she be allowed to stay by virtue of having held the title herself? Not that it mattered much to him, either way. Delenn would be taken care of. She was respected, even revered, too much by her people not to be. Just like Jeff–or rather, the person he became–had been.

Garibaldi dropped his eyes. “I went through hell and back, and he wasn’t there, and I hated him for it. He was the one person who’d always been there for me and then because of some damn prophecy he ran off to save a bunch of strangers he’d never even met and left me behind. I guess part of me still hasn’t forgiven him for that.”

Delenn sounded troubled. “I see.”

“I mean, I get that he had to do it,” Michael admitted, forcing himself to meet her eyes. “And I get why. But he was my best friend and he didn’t even have the guts to say goodbye to my face.”

Another long silence fell between them, then Delenn asked, “Would you be able to forgive him if he had?”

Michael laughed shortly. “I don’t know. Hell, I probably would’ve badgered him into taking me along. Maybe he knew that. But I guess I’ll never know.”

Something enigmatic came into her expression then, and she laid a hand on his arm. “Come with me.”

Surprised, Michael followed, even when she led him out of the house and into the quiet, star-spangled night. At first he thought they were headed for the temple, and that she was going to give him some rigmarole about Jeff still being here in spirit, but then at the last minute Delenn turned aside and stopped at the door of a small, nondescript house he’d never noticed before. She pressed her hand to the arrangement of crystals beside the door that served as a door chime, then after a moment a voice from inside said, “Yes?”

Michael caught his breath.

Delenn leaned close to the almost invisible speaker and announced herself. “It’s Delenn.”

That same impossible voice said, “Come in.”

The door slid open and at first Michael thought he must have been imagining things, because the person who rose to greet them was definitely Minbari. But then Jeff’s familiar eyes widened in an otherwise mostly unfamiliar face. “Michael.”

Garibaldi said the first thing that leaped to mind. “You son of a bitch.”

Jeff looked from him to Delenn, startled. Clearly that wasn’t the reaction he’d been expecting, which somehow only made Michael angrier. “Why’d you do it, huh? Do you have any idea the hell I went through after you left? What Bester did to me? What I nearly did to myself?”

Jeff just stared at him in surprise, then looked at Delenn again. “I don’t understand. Delenn told me you married Lise and were CEO of Edgars Industries.”

Delenn dropped her eyes, abashed. Michael almost snorted. He’d think after living with the Minbari for a century, Jeff would’ve remembered they were the masters of the half-truth. No doubt she’d told him exactly what he needed to hear not to feel guilty about the choice he’d made.

Garibaldi wasn’t letting him off that easy. “Sure, now,” he shot back. “But it was a hell of a long hard road to get there.” Especially with Jeff gone, the one person Michael’d always counted on to believe in him. “What are you even doing here, anyway? I thought you ‘traveled beyond’ nine hundred years ago.”

“I did,” Jeff answered, his voice wry. “Where do you think I traveled to?”

That was unexpected enough to stop Michael mid-rant. “Okay, but…how? Why?”

Jeff looked at both of them. “Maybe you should come in, sit down.” He grimaced. “It’s kind of a long story.”

He led them into the small living area of the house and waited until they were seated to disappear into the kitchen, returning with a small tea service that he poured with surprisingly little ceremony for the person the Minbari supposedly dedicated all their ceremonies too.

Michael couldn’t help but watch him, trying to take in this new version of his old friend. Even though he supposed it really wasn’t new–this was the form he’d worn now for a hundred years. Hell, being Minbari was probably more comfortable to him now than being human had been. It sure seemed to suit him, something Michael tried to resent, but found he couldn’t.

Jeff waited until they were all three fairly settled before dropping his eyes to his hands and beginning his story. “When my work on Minbar in the past was done, the Vorlons came for me. They knew that some of the Minbari would never be willing to accept my human life as my prophesied ‘return,’ never mind that I’d made the prophecy myself with exactly that in mind. They informed me that I was going to be preserved just in case it became necessary to use me in this form. I tried to argue–I’d built a new life for myself there, in the past. The last thing I wanted to do was leave everything behind again. But the Vorlons aren’t exactly very good at taking no for an answer. The next thing I remember was waking up here, in a Tuzanor that was familiar for all the wrong reasons. It took a little while to find out what was going on, but eventually I learned that the Vorlons and the Shadows had departed to join the other First Ones beyond the Rim. I guess at that point I just became so much excess baggage, so they left me behind.”

Michael’s breath caught in his throat again. That had been only a year after Jeff left! He looked accusingly at Delenn. “And you waited this long to tell me?”

“I did not know, at first,” she answered quietly. “It was many years before Jeffrey contacted me.”

Jeff nodded quietly. “I knew Delenn had assumed the mantle of Entil’zha after I left, just as Zathras said she would, and that Sheridan would take it up after her. My presence would’ve only thrown things into confusion, maybe even undermined their authority. So, I reinvented myself again, as Mafak of the worker caste, and joined one of the worker guilds. I’ve been living here in Tuzanor ever since.”

Garibaldi’d picked up enough of the various Minbari dialects over the years to know that the name Jeff had chosen for himself meant ‘new beginning.’ It made sense and stung at the same time: he couldn’t go back to his old life, either of them, so he made a new one all over again. “So, what, now that John’s dying, are you going to step up and lead the Rangers again?”

Delenn shifted uncomfortably at his side and he realized belatedly he might’ve been a little blunt.

“No,” Jeff shook his head. “As a matter of fact, Delenn and I spoke about it, and she’s chosen someone else for that role.” He gave her a quizzical look and she nodded, although with enough hesitation to suggest she wasn’t one hundred percent sure that whoever she had chosen would accept. Jeff’s gaze grew distant even as he added more quietly, “Delenn knows she can call on me if needed, but if I have a choice, I’d like to live out my last years anonymously.”

Michael could understand that. Hell, he could hear in Jeff’s voice how tired he obviously was. He’d already lived longer and done more than most humans would in a lifetime.

But he’d done it alone when Michael would’ve happily stood at Valen’s shoulder just as he’d done for Jeff Sinclair, and that he wasn’t quite ready to forgive. “You still haven’t answered my question. Why’d you leave me behind?”

Delenn set down her teacup, clearly uncomfortable, and rose. “Perhaps you would like to speak alone,” she suggested.

Garibaldi almost objected, almost told her if she left now, she ran the risk that her precious Valen wouldn’t be around to help if needed after all. But then he caught her eyes and remembered this was probably the last night she was ever going to get to spend with John, and he couldn’t. He’d been denied the chance to say goodbye: he couldn’t deny it to her, or anyone. “Yeah. Yeah, that’d be good,” he said instead. “I’ll find my own way back.”

Delenn nodded. She and Jeff exchanged the traditional bows and then she left, leaving him alone with Jeff for the first time in over twenty years.

As awkward silences went, this one was a doozy. Michael was finally the one who broke it. “Well?”

Jeff took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I did it to protect you. Both from the aging effect of the time field, and from the future I thought was in store for you if I didn’t go. Do you remember that message you got from Susan in the future, a possible future? The one where Babylon 5 was destroyed by the Shadows?”

“Yeah,” he answered quietly.

“The first time we went to Babylon 4, I had a time flash. I saw us together on the station, in the middle of an invasion. We were losing, and losing badly, in the middle of an evacuation.” He paused and closed his eyes, the memory clearly pretty painful for something that had never happened. “You’d rigged the fusion reactor and were planning to go down with the station. I tried to convince you to come with me, but we got separated in the confusion.”

“But you said yourself, that was what the future held if you didn’t go back,” Michael pointed out. “That doesn’t stop you from saying goodbye.”

Jeff nodded. “I was afraid if I told you what we were doing, you would insist on coming along. But because the first time you and I were exposed to the time field, we didn’t have any sort of protection, just that two year jump forward in time almost doubled my age. If you’d come with us…trying to come home after Babylon 4 was ready to go would’ve killed you.”

“And what if I would’ve gone along with you, to the past?”

“You couldn’t,” Jeff answered. “Because it didn’t happen. It was a closed circle, Michael. Nothing happened then that wasn’t meant to.”

“Yeah, well did it ever occur to you that maybe if you’d given me the chance to choose for myself, that maybe that closed circle would’ve included me after all?”

“It doesn’t matter, because it didn’t,” Jeff insisted. He sighed, and for a moment the weight of two worlds and two lifetimes seemed to settle on his shoulders. “Was it really that bad?”

“Yes,” Garibaldi answered flatly. He laid it all out in plain terms; Bester, the brainwashing, quitting the only job he’d ever loved in a fit of pique that wasn’t even his, his betrayal of Sheridan, meeting up again with Lise, working for Edgars, finding out he’d been used all along, the Asimov Bester had planted in his brain, his spiral back into the bottle that he almost hadn’t pulled out of… “And you know what the worst part was? Every time things got worse, I’d find myself thinking, ‘I wish Jeff were here.’ Because you knew me better than anyone, and you would’ve straightened me out before it went as far as it did, no matter what junk Bester put in my head. And because…” The next part was harder to say because it was something he’d never admitted to anyone except himself. “Because I realized only after you were gone that I hadn’t followed you to Babylon 5 to prove myself to anyone, or even out of friendship. I’d followed you because I loved you and I would’ve followed you anywhere. But you didn’t give me that chance.”

By this point Jeff wasn’t looking at him anymore. He was looking anywhere but at Michael, and Michael didn’t blame him one bit.

“I’m sorry,” he finally spoke in a quiet tone heavy with regret. “If I’d known–”

“You wouldn’t have done anything differently,” Michael cut him off.

That finally brought Jeff’s eyes back to his. “Don’t be so sure of that,” he contradicted quietly.

Michael’s throat closed up. For years, he’d wanted nothing more than to see that look in Jeff’s eyes, even if he hadn’t known it until Jeff was already gone. But it was too late. He’d moved on, and all the apologies or regrets in the world weren’t gonna change that. Not now. He’d betrayed too many people in his life, himself included. He wasn’t going to add Lise and Mary to that list. Not even for Jeff.

He force a lighter tone into his voice. “Probably just as well. I mean, considering Delenn’s one of your descendants, you obviously found someone back there, in the past.”

Jeff looked surprised for a moment, and Michael almost laughed. It just figured that Delenn wouldn’t have told him she’d found out she was his great-great-great-something grandkid. “Yes,” he admitted after a pause, shock fading into fond remembrance. “I found someone.” He didn’t say who. Not that it would’ve mattered, it wasn’t like it was going to be anyone Michael knew.

There was another long, pregnant pause, then Michael asked, “So, what now?”

Jeff looked at him. “What do you mean?”

“Am I just supposed to forget you’re here, let you go back to that anonymous life you want?” he asked.

“Is that what you want?”

Michael shook his head. “I don’t know anymore.”

The two of them looked at each other for a long moment, Michael still struggling to make the alien in front of him align with the friend he’d once known better than any other soul in the universe. “I’ll be honest, Jeff, it’s never gonna be the way it was. There are some things I don’t know if I can ever forgive, and I can’t even look at you without being reminded of them.”

For the first time since he’d met them at the door, Jeff looked self-conscious about the Minbari body he’d probably long forgotten wasn’t the one he started out with. He looked resigned as well. “I understand.”

“But,” Michael interjected. “I’ve also spent way too many years without you as a part of my life. I’d be an idiot to throw away the chance to change that over something that happened twenty years ago.” He took a deep breath. “I have a kid…Mary. She’s…she’s incredible. Half the time I can’t even figure out how the hell she’s mine.” Something settled into place and he met Jeff’s eyes again. “I’d like you to meet her. You would’ve been her godfather, you know.” Well…if he hadn’t been her other dad, but there was no point going down that road.

Jeff smiled sadly. “I’d like that.”

He hated it. Hated that this was what they were reduced to, tiptoeing around each other like a couple of strangers. But it was a hell of a lot better than nothing, and nothing was what he’d had for far too long. Michael rose from his seat, leaving the tea behind. “I should get back. But I’ll come again, okay? Just don’t…don’t disappear on me this time.”

“I won’t.” Jeff stood as well. “I don’t think I realized until I opened the door and saw you standing there how much I’d missed having you in my life, too.”

Michael regarded him for another long moment before finally deciding to hell with it and pulling Jeff into a hug. Jeff’s arms tightened around him for a moment, then let go without a word. They walked together to the door.

Michael turned in the doorway. “Do me a favor. Even if it’s only temporary…say it this time? To my face?”

Jeff smiled ruefully at him, his voice still quiet and heavy with regret. “Goodbye, old friend.”

Then the door closed between them.

Posted in Babylon 5, Het, Sinclair/Garibaldi, Slash | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fic: Somewhere Else (dS, Fraser/RayV)

Author’s Note: The scenes of Ray’s journey take place in chronological order. The bits of dialogue do not, necessarily. I leave it up to the reader to decide whether they happen at all. Thanks so much to my beta reader, LGwynethGuest, whose attention to detail definitely made this a better story.

Written for Jodie for Due South Sekrit Santa 2012.


Florida, it turns out, is a lie. The promise of sun, sand, surf and a nice, easy, relaxing retirement devolves over time into a reality of rain, hurricanes, swamps, mosquitoes with a taste for Italian blood, and slowly going out of his mind with boredom.

Him and Stella, well, that turns out to be a lie too, but that’s his own fault and he refuses to blame anyone else for it.

Stella sees him off at the airport. “You don’t have to,” he tells her.

She says, “I know,” and kisses him goodbye.

+

“You can ask, you know.”

“Ask what?”

“What happened with me and Stella. I don’t mind.”

“Oh. I had simply assumed that if you wanted me to know, you would tell me of your own volition.”

“Well, I’ve got plenty of volition, so I’m telling you.”

+

Six months ago, the world collapsed out from under everyone in a cloud of dust and debris roiling through downtown Manhattan. The next day, Ray woke up and asked Stella for a divorce, because he did this–all of this–for all the wrong reasons and life’s too short to settle for less than what you really want.

One month ago, Columbia disintegrated on re-entry. Ray went out and bought a plane ticket.

In the end, they part amicably. Ray sometimes thinks Stella knew this was coming probably since the day they met and was just waiting for him to catch up. But that’s okay. He doesn’t hold it against her because he probably wouldn’t have heard it from anyone other than his own heart.

He thinks they might stay friends after this is all over. He hopes so and thinks she does too.

+

“What exactly did you mean by ‘all the wrong reasons’?”

“The truth? Kowalski took something from me, so I wanted to take something from him too. Not that it was deliberate or anything, but underneath that’s what was going on.”

“Took something from you–you mean, your life?”

“I mean you.”

+

When the plane’s wheels leave the ground, Ray’s grip tightens on the arms of his seat, his knuckles turning bloodless. That’s nothing new: he’s done it every time he’s flown since his and Fraser’s plane went down in the woods all those years ago. What’s different is that, looking around, he sees he’s not the only one.

+

“The funny part is…you know what Stella said when I told her?”

“What?”

“That it was okay, because deep down she thought she’d probably felt the same way about you.”

+

The weather in Atlanta is so much like Florida that Ray keeps checking the signs to reassure himself that the plane didn’t turn around midair. He’s got a two hour layover, so he orders a pizza and then throws it out half-eaten because Atlanta pizza is just as wrong as Florida pizza.

Ray has a feeling that Atlanta on the whole would be as wrong for him as Florida, but that’s okay, because he’s not staying. He’s just passing through.

+

“I don’t understand. Ray and Stella were–“

“–Over long before he met you, yeah, I know. But he was always there. Even though she knew they weren’t good for each other, she knew she could always count on him to be around when she needed him. But then you said ‘jump’ and he said ‘when’s the first flight to the middle of nowhere?'”

“I…I had no idea.”

“Sometimes I think she knew I’d do the same. We were both just waiting for you to call.”

+

Because of the new security rules, Frannie’s not waiting for him at the gate when he lands at O’Hare. He gets his bags–way too few for having his whole life in them–and loads them onto one of those vending-machine carts. When he gets past security, though, there she is: wearing her uniform and balancing her daughter on her hip. He doesn’t buy the immaculate conception thing for a second, but she looks confident and self-assured in a way he’s never seen before and he’s never been prouder of his baby sister than he is at that moment.

Ray greets them both with a kiss and tickles his niece’s chin until she laughs, showing off her mother’s smile. He and Frannie regard each other for a moment with the irony of why he’s here.

Then she tilts her head and smiles at him. “Welcome home, Ray.”

+

“Ray, about Francesca–“

“I know, Benny. She told me.”

+

At home, Ma spends the whole night complaining about how she never sees him anymore except when he’s on his way somewhere else. But she cooks up a meal the likes of which he hasn’t had since the last time he came home for Christmas, so he endures the grousing with good humor.

The table’s loud and crowded, packed with even more people than when this was his house, but Ray can’t wipe the stupid grin off his face. On his way to somewhere else or not, for tonight it’s good to be back. For a minute the years fall away and he can almost see Benny leaning in the doorway in his shirt sleeves, asking Ray how to recognize polenta.

He wonders how much grief he could’ve saved all of them if he’d just realized then how deeply the crazy Canadian was going to worm his way into his life and his heart.

In the morning, Ma plies him with a gallon tub of homemade lasagna to take to Fraser. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her it probably won’t make it through security, let alone customs.

+

“You would really give it all up for me?”

“Why not? I’ve given it up before for worse reasons. Besides, what’s to give up? A house full of screaming kids and Ma screaming louder than all of ’em put together?”

“You miss it.”

“Yeah, I miss it. But that’s what holidays are for. So as long as you don’t mind spending American Thanksgiving in Chicago every once in a while, we’re good.”

+

The customs agent in Calgary gives the usual spiel about what is his business in the dominion of Canada. Ray answers, “Visiting a friend.”

It’s true for the moment. Whether it stays true, well, that depends on Fraser.

+

“I don’t understand. So you didn’t come here to ask me to come back to Chicago with you?”

“If I asked you to come back to Chicago with me, would you?”

“Well…yes.”

“That’s what I thought. That’s why I’m not asking.”

+

He probably should’ve called ahead. Or mentioned that he was coming in his last letter. It’s not like Benny would’ve told him not to come.

Sure, surprising him in the middle of preparations for a siege worked out okay for Ray last time, but there’s a lot of water under the bridge since then. As far as he knows, Fraser doesn’t have any international death squads out for his blood these days. He might not even be home.

Ray has visions of Fraser coming home from dog-sledding across the tundra for fun to find him frozen to death on the front step of the cabin because he couldn’t get in.

That thought keeps him occupied all the way from Calgary to Vancouver.

+

“But you hate it here.”

“I never said that. When did I say that?”

“The first time you came to Canada, you complained about the snow, the cabin, and my insufficient arsenal. The second time, about the excess of trees and lack of civilization–“

“Jesus, Benny, don’t you know me well enough by now to know I bitch about everything? It don’t mean anything except my mouth is running.”

+

He could’ve booked a direct flight at least from Chicago to Vancouver, probably. Ray doesn’t know why he picked a route that has him hopping around the continent like a stone skipped across a pond.

Maybe some part of him knew he’d need the extra time to gather his courage.

+

“Ray, you’re the bravest man I know.”

“Nah, Benny, I’m not. If I was, I never woulda left in the first place.”

“I don’t understand. What you did in Las Vegas took an incredible amount of courage.”

“Maybe. But running away from you, from this? Without even saying goodbye? Not just once, but twice? That took a coward.”

+

It’s March. Back in Florida, that means there are days here and there when it doesn’t rain. In Chicago, the snowfalls are becoming fewer and farther between and what snow doesn’t melt off the ground is a dingy yellow gray from days and weeks of smog and dirt trampled into it. When Ray steps off the plane in Yellowknife, it still looks like a Christmas card.

Okay, so the snow at the edges of the runway is a little bit gray from being plowed under to clear the airstrip, but mostly it’s evergreen and white as far as he can see.

There’s not a speck of red. Not that he figures there should be–there’s another jet, some kind of bush plane, and probably a snowmobile still in his future–but Ray can’t help feeling a little disappointed all the same.

+

“You wanna know the real reason I moved to Florida? Because you never came back.”

“But, Ray, by the time Ray and I returned from our adventure, you had already gone.”

“That’s the thing, you see. I didn’t think you were coming back from your ‘adventure.’ I guess I figured you got Kowalski up here where you wanted him and just forgot about me.”

+

Ray hasn’t slept in probably twenty-four hours. Oh, he tries to, but each new leg of the trip seems to bring new terrors with it.

This time he sees Fraser telling him that going home to the ass-end of nowhere and never coming back was his way of telling Ray he never wanted to see him again. That he has his blond pretty boy so he doesn’t need him anymore.

He knows that’s not true because Frannie told him Kowalski came back to Chicago years ago. It still haunts him.

+

“I could never forget about you.”

+

He’d been a different man after Vegas. A man who wanted his old life back so badly he could taste it, but wasn’t at all convinced he deserved it. When Muldoon shot him, it was like a message from heaven, telling Ray it didn’t matter why he’d done it, he’d still sinned too badly to count himself one of the good guys anymore. And giving up Fraser to the new guy was his penance.

Ray knows now that God doesn’t work like that. No matter what some of the priests say.

+

“Don’t apologize. I thought you didn’t want me around because after that year undercover, I didn’t want me around. I did some things I’m not proud of, Benny. For a while there, I kinda lost myself. So when I got back to Chicago and you had a perfectly good me substitute running around with you, I thought, what right did I have to take back my life when he was doing a better job of living it than I was?”

“Ray, Ray was my partner and my friend and I care about him a great deal, but he wasn’t you. He could never be you.”

+

The first time he flew into Inuvik, Ray had been surprised by how unexpectedly modern the airport was. Okay, so it was no O’Hare, but he’d been expecting something more along the lines of the little one-room building in the middle of a runway that Fraser had preferred to more commercial airports.

This time, the sight of the Inuvik airport means a lot of things to him. For one, he’s so close to Benny that he almost can’t breathe with the anticipation of it all. And second, that maybe he’s not leaving civilization that far behind after all. It’s nice to know this place will be here if he ever needs to remind himself of that.

There’s still no flash of serge in the crowd. He really should’ve called ahead.

+

“All this time you were waiting for me to call? But I never called.”

“Sure you did, Benny. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Ray, I’m fairly certain I would remember telephoning you to ask you to come here.”

“I never said it was a telephone call.”

+

There’s a twenty-something kid in a blue uniform staring at Ray when he gets off the final plane in some town he can’t even pronounce. He’s about to make a quip about Italians not being that much of a novelty, even up here, when she asks, “Detective Vecchio?”

The question gets Ray’s attention. It’s riveted by his sudden recollection that the Mounties who’d collected Ian MacDonald from them had been similarly dressed. “Yeah?” he asks.

“Corporal Fraser asked me to convey his regrets that he isn’t able to pick you up himself, but he’s currently wrapping up a case involving the illegal trapping and sale of wolf pelts. He said you would understand.”

Understand that Dief will never forgive him if he doesn’t catch the bastard? Yeah, Ray does. What he doesn’t understand is how Benny knew to send someone for him at all. And then it hits him.

Stella. He didn’t have the nerve to warn Benny himself that he was coming, so she must’ve done it for him.

Ray may not have ever really been in love with Stella, not the way he wanted to be, but there are still times when he loves that woman.

+

“So what did happen, anyway? With the new guy, I mean? I kinda figured you and he had sledded off into the sunset to live happily ever after.”

“Well, Ray, quite simply Ray Kowalski wanted something I wasn’t able to give.”

“Such as?”

“Everything.”

+

The cabin is quiet and dark when the kid—Robin—drops him off. There isn’t a fire going, because it’s dangerous to leave a fire burning when no one’s home, but there are detailed instructions in Benny’s neat hand for how to build a fire. Clearly he remembers Ray’s last attempt.

Fortunately, the fire in the fireplace is a lot more cooperative than that half-damp pile of sticks in the woods. Before long, he’s dozing in front of it, drifting in and out of dreams that play out different versions of the reality he both hopes for and fears on the inside of his eyelids.

+

“Oh, you mean like he wanted you to give up all this and go back to Chicago with him?”

“No. That would have been no trouble at all, if…well…”

“If what?”

“One can hardly give one’s whole heart away when the greater part of it already belongs to someone else.”

+

When the cabin door opens, at first Ray’s convinced he’s still dreaming. The first thing he sees is Dief bounding over to him. The wolf’s older now; he doesn’t have quite the bounce in his step that Ray remembers from Chicago, but that doesn’t stop Dief from putting both front paws on Ray’s chest and licking him for all he’s worth.

He looks up and for a moment there’s Fraser across the room, just staring at him. Their eyes connect and it’s like something snaps in both of them. Before Ray can even register that he’s crossed the room, Benny’s kissing him.

Suddenly, all the things they never said to each other don’t matter quite so much. Maybe they’ll have that conversation later. Maybe they won’t have it at all. Ray doesn’t really care, because the answer to the question he’s been most afraid to ask is currently sucking on his tonsils.

He just doesn’t think about where else that tongue has been recently.

+

Someone else. You mean…me?”

Of course. Do you doubt it?”

Nah. Not anymore.”

I see. Well, Ray, I may have been belated in coming to the realization and for that I apologize, but…for a very long time there has been no one who meant more to me than you.”

+

When they finally let go of each other long enough to breathe, Ray pants out: “How…how did you know?”

He doesn’t mean, how did you know I was coming. He means, how did you know why I came? How did you know what I didn’t know myself until six months ago? How did you know how badly I want this?

Benny touches his face and the look in his eyes is everything Ray’s ever wanted to see or ever wants to see again. “I didn’t,” he answers just as breathlessly. “But I hoped…”

“Hope.” Ray swallows hard and pulls Benny close like he’s never gonna let go again. “Hope is good.”

+

Does it make me a bad person that I was hoping you’d say that?”

“No, Ray, not at all.”

+

Somewhere in the middle of it all, Ray realizes that for the first time in days–months, years, maybe his whole life–he’s not just passing through on his way to somewhere else.

He’s home.

Posted in due South, Fraser/RayV, Slash | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fic: The Warlord Prince of York (PoI/BJU, gen)

Author’s Note: Because of the universe this is set in, there are a few brief references to off-screen rape, slavery, and torture, but nothing NEAR as graphic as what you would find in the books themselves. I didn’t feel it merited an official content warning, but wanted to say something here just in case I was wrong.

Person of Interest fans who aren’t familiar with the Black Jewels universe can find information on its caste system and Jewel ranks at the links below:
http://blackjewels.wikia.com/wiki/Castes
http://blackjewels.wikia.com/wiki/Jewels

Acknowledgments: Major thanks to my beta reader, NightsMistress (boxlawyer), without whom this would never have been the story it deserved to be. And to Medie, my cheerleader always, who fought off Bears and “OMG I’m writing for WHO?” panic attacks for me so that I could concentrate on writing to the best of my ability. *HUGS* I couldn’t have done it without you guys, and I mean that with all my heart!

Written for: astolat for Yuletide 2012.


Harold couldn’t remember the last time he’d attended a Winsol party.

Not that he was really attending this one–after much discussion of the matter, Reese had reluctantly agreed to allow him to maintain the facade of being the butler instead of the master of the house, even though it was Finch’s money, not the tithes, that was paying for the party. The other servants had all been hired for the event, so they were none the wiser. And those few, aside from Reese, who did know that Harold Finch was the power behind the throne also knew that he preferred to keep to the shadows. They would respect his wishes and not expose him.

As if to prove his point, Jocelyn Carter, Queen of Manhattan, spared him a glance and a smile as she glided by on the arm of her son, but said nothing. She wore a long, elegant gown that matched the color of the Purple Dusk Jewel around her neck and while Finch was hardly the best judge of female beauty, even he couldn’t miss the glow of happiness that radiated from her. Quite a change from the besieged but determined Queen he’d met a year ago.

A year ago. Could it really be such a short time since he’d set this plan in motion? It seemed impossible. Surely he’d known Reese all his life, because everything that had happened both to them and between them couldn’t possibly have unfolded in the span of a year. Yet somehow it had.

The Warlord Prince in question was on the other side of the room, deep in conversation with the Queen of Brooklyn. He seemed to feel Harold’s gaze on him, though, because he lifted his eyes and smiled. Harold resisted the temptation to return that smile; it wouldn’t do for a supposed servant to be seen smiling that way at the erstwhile ruler of York Territory.

That didn’t stop John, who made his excuses and crossed the room, presumably under the excuse of obtaining a cup of hot blooded rum from the tray Harold held in his hands. It was, after all, nearly sunset.

*I’m beginning to understand why you didn’t want to join the party,* John sent wryly along a spear thread.

*Surely the conversation can’t be that dull.*

John smiled and took a silver cup from the tray. “Thank you, Finch,” he said aloud, silently adding, *What makes you so sure I wasn’t referring to the dashing figure you cut in that uniform?*

*I didn’t set you up as Warlord Prince of York so you would have nothing better to do than to flirt with me,* Harold replied acerbically.

A smile twitched the edge of Reese’s lips for a moment before his whole bearing sobered. *It isn’t right. York still needs a Queen.*

It was an old argument between them. Well, not really an argument, since they didn’t have opposing views on the subject, but certainly a long-standing discussion. *I know. But in the meantime, at least we’ve ensured that she’ll have a territory worth ruling when we do find her.*

Which was more or less the same answer he always gave, even if its reassurance never seemed to last for long.

Reese glanced around the room. Most of the people milling around it were their allies–the Queens who’d signed a contract with John in exchange for his protection, some of the many people whose lives they’d saved–but there were still a few who were loyal to Carl Elias and his “male council.” The council wasn’t dead yet, even if John had replaced them as the de facto rulers of York Territory, and they weren’t likely to go down without a fight, so there were bound to be spies. Still, they’d made a great deal more progress than even Harold had believed possible.

Reese seemed to have the same thought, because he remarked, *Did you ever think we could really pull this off?*

Harold couldn’t help but smile at that. *Certainly not when we first met. Of course, that was when I still thought you were lost in the Twisted Kingdom. I remember distinctly being rather appalled that it was you I’d seen…*

 


 

A little more than a year ago…

 

So. This was the man he needed to save York.

Bad enough that the tangled web had shown him a Warlord Prince who was walking the edge of the Twisted Kingdom; did it have to be this Warlord Prince?

Prince Harold Finch observed his target discreetly. A Green sight shield protected him from the curious eyes of most of the people in this public Coach, but one couldn’t be too careful. John Reese was more than capable of breaking through a Green shield, and Finch had no intention of giving him reason to.

Reese’s was not a loved name in York these days. According to Mark Snow, who had been Master of the Guard to York’s Queen and was now a member of the male council that had ruled the territory since her death, Reese was the one who had lured Kara Stanton to an abandoned city in the territory of Qin and there murdered her. Of course, considering that Snow was the one now part of the ruling council and Reese was wandering lost in the Twisted Kingdom, Finch had his own ideas of who was the real Queen-killer. Especially since he had information which suggested that, even if Reese had been involved in Kara Stanton’s death, he’d been coerced into it. Information about a certain Summer-Sky-Jeweled hearth-witch named Jessica Arndt who died mysteriously at almost the same moment that Stanton was murdered in Ordos.

Convincing the Province and District Queens of that might not be easy, however.

Convince them he must, though. From his earliest memories of sitting at his mother’s knee, learning how to protect himself against the threat that Hayll’s spreading influence posed to any dark-Jeweled male, Harold had been haunted by the potential fate of his home territory. And if turning John Reese from an unstable pariah to a paragon of virtue was what it took to change that fate, that was what he’d do.

He just had to figure out how.

Without a blood tie or some other equally strong relationship, a fully-trained Black Widow generally required physical contact. Unfortunately, he wasn’t a fully-trained Black Widow. And even if he were, Warlord Princes being the most volatile and violent of the male castes meant that walking up to a strange one and touching him without asking was never a good idea, no matter their mental state or what Jewels they wore.

Reese had been riding the Coach almost all day. Witches and males had boarded and disembarked several times in that time, and while recognition showed in the eyes of most of them, none were foolish enough to challenge a Gray-Jeweled Warlord Prince, let alone one that was rumored to be a Queen-killer and known to be unstable. Now there were just four people left: Harold, Reese, and two young Warlords who were probably returning home from whatever court they served in.

As reluctant as he was to do so, Harold knew he would soon also have to return home for the night, abandoning his surveillance. Those lost in the Twisted Kingdom weren’t exactly known for being reliable, though, so if he did leave, it might be weeks or even months before he managed to track Reese down again. And by then, who knew how many more witches would have been broken to keep them from reaching their full potential, or how many males would be killed or enslaved? York needed a strong Queen, but what he could discern in the webs suggested to him that the Queen who could rule York wasn’t ready yet, and she would never have the chance to become ready if someone didn’t do something to stop the creeping corruption that was poisoning the territory just as it had poisoned so many others since Dorothea SaDiablo declared herself High Priestess of Hayll.

He’d just about made up his mind to give it up anyway and just take the risk, when a group of young Warlords boarded the Coach, laughing and jeering at each other as they brushed past the two who were disembarking. Harold stiffened, even though none of them wore darker than Opal and therefore couldn’t pierce his shield. All of them reeked of Hayll’s influence.

The leader of this group wore Purple-Dusk, which was surprising since even the Opal seemed to defer to him. Aristo, no doubt, and convinced that some arbitrary accident of wealth and privilege could supersede the Blood’s inborn hierarchy.

To Finch’s horror, he was bragging about a young witch he’d broken, egged on by his friends’ own lewd commentary. Fighting the gorge that rose in his throat as the Warlord lovingly described shattering the young woman’s inner webs, Harold tried to tune it out, but was only somewhat successful.

When the sordid tale finally concluded, the Warlord looked around for some new amusement…and his eyes settled on the bottle of some sort of brew that Reese had clutched tightly in his hands. Hands that hadn’t moved in hours. “What’s this?”

No–he couldn’t be that stupid, could he?

Apparently he could, because the Warlord crossed the Coach and reached for the bottle. “You bring enough for all of us?” he jeered.

For the first time, Reese moved. Eyes the color of Summer-Sky Jewels snapped open and fixed on the Warlord with a look that was only a push away from riding the killing edge. A voice honed to a deadly rasp by rage and disuse demanded, “Tell me again about the witch you broke, and if you’re lucky, I won’t kill you for it.”

For the first time, the Warlords had the sense to look frightened. “Anton, let’s get out of here,” one of them murmured in a low voice. “We could have the next Coach all to ourselves.”

Anton wasn’t as bright as his friend, because he tugged his arm out of Reese’s grip and shot back. “What do you care, Queen-killer?”

Harold had only just enough time to throw up a shield before everything in the Coach went straight to Hell.

 


 

Jocelyn Carter, Queen of the Manhattan district of York Territory, was not having a good day. On a good day, four light-Jeweled Warlords weren’t stupid enough to pick a fight with a darker-Jeweled Warlord Prince, especially not when that Warlord Prince was the infamous John Reese. The fight, not surprisingly, had resulted in one of the Warlords in question–Anton O’Mara, the ringleader–making the transition to demon-dead, two of them being broken back to basic Craft, and the remaining one back to his birthright Jewel. The fact that all four weren’t dead suggested a remarkable amount of restraint on Reese’s part, especially for a man who was supposed to be wandering the Twisted Kingdom.

And now O’Mara’s family was demanding a blood price. Mother Night. As if she had anyone in her court who would dare try to extract a blood price from a Gray-Jeweled Warlord Prince, even if she was inclined to give the O’Maras what they wanted. Anton was a bully who broke young witches for fun because he could. As far as Joss was concerned, the sooner she could ship him off to Hell for the High Lord to deal with him, the happier she’d be.

But that didn’t solve the problem of John Reese.

Though she’d never admit it aloud, part of her was hoping he’d already be gone by the time she walked through that door. She’d heard the rumors, of course. They all had, every Queen in York Territory, probably to make sure none of them had the audacity to give him any sort of asylum. Carter wasn’t sure she believed the rumor–it was all a little too convenient for Mark Snow, if truth be told–but Queen-killer or no, no sane witch walked into a room with a male whose Jewels were that much darker than her own without being a little wary.

Joss’s Master of the Guard, Lionel Fusco, trotted by her side. Truth be told, she wasn’t entirely sure of him either, these days. Or any male in her court, for that matter: Elias and Snow and their “male council” had been quietly eliminating all the males who were loyal to the old order for months now, so if Fusco was still around, he must be useful to them. Probably by spying on her. But he wore Summer-Sky and she was nowhere near her moon time, so that was a problem that could be dealt with later.

Joss was fairly certain she couldn’t count on him to defend her if Reese did decide to attack, but since neither of them wore Jewels dark enough to stand up to the Gray, that didn’t really matter.

If John Reese wasn’t the man rumor held him to be, however…

“Wait out here for me,” Joss commanded.

Fusco looked both startled and relieved, but tried to play it off. “You sure? You shouldn’t be going in there alone.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Fusco, but if that man in there wants me dead, there’s not a whole lot you’d be able to do about it.”

He had the decency to look abashed, but nodded. Joss put her hand on the door and turned it.

Before she’d even crossed the threshold, she saw Reese take in her psychic scent–Queen, lighter-Jeweled–and respond to it, his bearing and his eyes instantly protective in the almost feral way that was unique to Warlord Princes. Though she didn’t dare let it show, Joss nevertheless let her relief wash over her. No way in Hell that was the reaction of a man who’d betrayed and murdered the Queen he served.

Then he looked at her, really looked at her, and his eyes changed. “Hayllian,” he growled.

Damn. It wasn’t anything new, the way people tended to prejudge her the minute they saw her, but that didn’t make it any less aggravating. Joss snorted. “Not anymore. Not for a long time.”

Which was true. Her mother had left Hayll when Joss was still a baby, getting her young Queen daughter as far away from Dorothea SaDiablo as she could. And since Joss was a mother herself now, with a son she’d no intention of seeing turned into a slave, it’d be a cold day in Hell before she ever thought about going back.

Her words were apparently emphatic enough to ease Reese’s mind, because he relaxed back into his chair. Those startling summer-sky eyes continued to watch her though, surprisingly sharp for a man who was rumored to walk in the Twisted Kingdom.

Knowing somehow that he respected courage, she strode across the room and perched herself on the edge of the table, close enough that she could pitch her voice too low for anyone but the two of them to hear. “That boy you killed, Anton O’Mara. They’re calling for a blood price.” He knew as well as she did that there was nothing she could do to make him turn himself over to them. Still, she added, “But there’s something I need to know from you before I decide whether or not to give it to them. What really happened in Ordos?”

For an instant so fleeting she’d have missed it if she hadn’t been staring him in the face, something like despair flickered through Reese’s eyes. But he didn’t answer, and he didn’t drop his gaze. Carter wondered if he even knew she’d seen it. Did he even really see her at all, or was she just some vague, amorphous shape of a Queen in the Twisted Kingdom, a representation of the Queen he’d lost?

Joss felt a swell of compassion. No, this man was definitely no Queen-killer. But he’d been there. Whoever had murdered Kara Stanton, they’d managed to pull it off in spite of her being protected by one of the darkest-Jeweled men in Terreille. He had to feel that failure like a knife. No wonder he’d slipped into the Twisted Kingdom.

“I know how you must feel. But you don’t deserve what they’d do to you.”

There was a gleam in his eye now that suggested it wasn’t him she’d need to worry about. Hell, maybe she should turn him over. Let him take out the male council–if he could get close enough. It was tempting, but without knowing anything about the man it was impossible to say if the benefit would outweigh the risk.

Reese still didn’t answer her questions.

Joss sighed. Well, not like there was much she could do to protect him anyway. “All right. Have it your way.” Rising, she moved towards the door. Just in case he was paying attention, though, she threw a pointed, “Don’t go anywhere,” over her shoulder, knowing if he was smart he’d do just the opposite.

“So what do we do now?” Fusco asked as the door closed behind her, leaving Reese alone. “Shield the room, so he doesn’t get out?”

“Nothing we can do,” Joss answered honestly. “You know a single person in this building capable of building a shield that will hold a Gray-Jeweled Warlord Prince if he doesn’t want to be held?”

Fusco grimaced, falling into step beside her as he always did. “Fair point. So what do I tell the O’Maras?”

“Tell them the truth: that if they want to extract a blood price, they’re going to have to do it themselves. We couldn’t hold him.”

 


 

Even though it benefited him, there was something troubling to Harold about the idea that a Queen’s court, even that of a district Queen, had no one in it who could see through a Green sight shield. If his intentions had been less than honorable, he could have wreaked absolute havoc on this court without anyone being the wiser. The mere fact that the council’s minions hadn’t already done so was testament enough to how easy they knew it would be.

Still, troubling or not, the fact that it gave him free reign was the only thing right now allowing him to continue his observation of Prince Reese. And that observation had led him to an absolutely stunning conclusion: John Reese was not lost in the Twisted Kingdom. He might still be in despair, might be trying to drink himself to death for lack of a more proactive means of suicide, but Reese was very much sane.

It was a mind-blowingly clever move. By assuming the appearance of madness, he’d removed himself as a threat. The male council had left him alone when most of the other males who’d been loyal to Stanton had been either broken, enslaved, or outright killed. The question now became, why?

The obvious answer was that Reese had been involved in his Queen’s death after all, and had no desire to be removed as an inconvenient loose end by those who had orchestrated it. But that didn’t fit with the man he’d seen in his visions. Which left another alternative, a far more audacious one.

There had been a string of mysterious deaths not long after Stanton’s murder, deaths that didn’t fit with the council’s pattern of eliminating strong witches or loyal males. Maybe, just maybe Reese had been taking out those responsible for the death of his Queen.

He stayed silent and shielded through the non-conversation with Carter, only becoming more and more convinced that his theory was correct. He also remained behind in the room after the Queen of Manhattan had realized she wasn’t going to get an answer and left, her last words a pointed invitation for Reese to escape. That was probably why Finch was the only one who saw the man use Craft to blithely walk through the walls of Carter’s home and wander out into the street.

He followed, infused with new purpose.

Harold dropped his sight shield as soon as they were out of sight of Carter’s court, and in a moment of boldness called out to the other male. “Prince Reese. I wonder if I might have a word with you?”

Reese stopped. Fortunately, this gave Finch a chance to catch up with him. His own injuries from the council’s purge had made running impossible and walking much more difficult, so he didn’t move as quickly as he once had.

“If I owe you money, I’m afraid I’m fresh out.”

Well, the Warlord Prince still had a sense of humor. That was something.

“I’m afraid what I need from you is significantly less tangible than money,” Finch responded as he reached him. “I need your help, Prince. To save this territory from its own short-sightedness and greed.”

Reese’s eyes darkened. He turned away. “I’m not interested.”

Well, of course he wasn’t. Harold had probably started off with the worst possible appeal to a man whose territory had, in essence, betrayed him. He tried a different tack. “I’m not talking about the current rulers of York. I’m talking about the people. The district and province Queens. The witches and the loyal males who are suffering for not sharing the ‘council’s’ ambition. You could protect them.”

Reese chuckled darkly. “I think you’ve got the wrong guy. I haven’t been doing very well at protecting anyone lately.”

“Because you were caught off guard, forced into an impossible choice,” Finch rejoined. “What if you never had to worry about that again? What if you could know?”

Reese still looked like he found the other male amusing at best, but he was humoring him for now and that was a step in the right direction. “And how do you suppose I would do that? You have a Black Widow hidden around here somewhere?”

Finch couldn’t help but smile a little. “Yes, actually,” he responded dryly. “In a manner of speaking.”

That got the Warlord Prince’s attention, although not quite in the way Finch had intended. His eyes turned dangerous and he closed the distance between them, his temper clearly rising to the killing edge. Harold had only a second to reflect that Reese’s instinct to protect the distaff gender was certainly intact before the Warlord Prince had him by the throat. “Where is she?”

“Standing right in front of you,” Harold managed to croak out. That confused Reese enough that his grip loosened, even if the feral rage in the lines of his body didn’t fade. Finch took a deep breath and for the first time in his life admitted his secret to another living being: “It’s me.”

Reese let go of him, stepping back from the killing edge. “There’s only one Male Black Widow in the Realms, and I’m sorry but you don’t look like the High Lord of Hell.”

“Let me clarify,” Finch corrected. A couple of wheezing coughs racked his body, a reaction to nearly being strangled a moment before. “My mother was a fully-trained, natural Black Widow. When she saw what was happening to dark-Jeweled males in Hayll, and starting to happen in other Territories as well, she wove a tangled web to discover my fate. She never told me what she saw in it, but she taught me a little of the Hourglass Craft in secret so I could use it to protect myself.” He touched the Green Jewel in his ring and admitted carefully, “Including a spell to conceal my full psychic strength when necessary. I can weave a simple tangled web that tells me when someone is in danger, but not why or from whom. I’ve found…other ways to obtain that information, however.”

“That’s nice.” Reese had lapsed back into that deliberate nonchalance he affected when he wasn’t pretending to be mad. “So then what do you need me for?”

“You wear the Gray. You’re a Warlord Prince who honors the old ways. You’re trained as a warrior. And, at least as far as I can tell, you’re sound in mind and body, no matter how much you may want others to believe differently. Knowledge is not my problem, Prince. It’s doing something with that knowledge.” To drive home his point, Finch dropped one hand to his leg to massage long-ago damaged muscles that were genuinely beginning to ache. “You’re a Warlord Prince,” he reiterated. “Protecting the distaff gender is bred into your bone, even moreso than the other castes. I can give you a chance to be that person again.” He paused, then added carefully, “York needs you.”

Reese’s face clouded. “York needs a Queen.”

He turned away and Finch panicked. If Reese walked away now, knowing that someone was looking for him, he might wrap a Gray sight shield around himself and disappear. Instead of it taking months to find him again, he might never find him again. “You’re right. York does need a strong Queen, and I’m sure that the right Queen is out there somewhere. But if York is going to be saved from Hayll’s shadow long enough for her to become ready, it needs your protection.”

Reese kept walking.

“I can offer you something else, too,” Finch called after him. “Your revenge.”

That made Reese stop. He didn’t turn around, though: waiting for Finch to say something he felt was worth hearing. So, he did. “Prince Elias. Prince Snow. You killed the Warlord who murdered your hearth-witch but you can’t touch the male council that was behind it, behind Kara Stanton’s murder. If you help me, I can help you change that. The council needs to be taken out anyway.”

There was still no answer, but at least he was still listening. So, Finch reiterated his first, most important point. “There are still Queens in this territory who honor the old ways. You can’t tell me they don’t deserve protecting.”

Finally Reese turned around. “All right. Where do we start?”

 


 

“So basically you want me to set myself up as ruler of York.”

They had long since relocated the conversation to Harold’s…he couldn’t really call it a home: his hideaway, perhaps. Reese seemed to appreciate the opportunity to bathe without commentary, and Harold had been relieved to be somewhere private. A lifetime of hiding had left him still uncomfortable in public unless he was well shielded. So, once they were both safely ensconced in his library, he’d revealed to Reese his entire plan. “It works well enough for Dhemlan.”

Reese grunted. “The Warlord Prince of Dhemlan is the most powerful male in the Realms. It would take Witch herself to outrank him.”

“And you’re the most powerful male in York.” All right, so perhaps that wasn’t entirely true, but he wasn’t ready to reveal all his secrets quite yet.

“I still served,” Reese answered quietly.

“I know you did. When there was a strong, honorable Queen worth serving, we all did. And when such a Queen returns, we will again. But unless you know a Queen who meets that description now…”

Reese frowned. “No. Carter is honorable, but she doesn’t have the strength to hold the Territory. Neither do any of the other Province or District Queens.”

“Jewel strength isn’t a requirement for ruling a Territory,” Harold pointed out.

Reese snorted. “It is these days.”

Finch resisted the impulse to smile. “I think you’ve just made my point for me, Prince.”

Reese sighed, unfolding his long, lean frame from the chair and rising to pace the room. “All right then: it takes more than just strength. If I set myself up as Warlord Prince of York without the support of the Queens, I’m no better than Elias and his council.”

“I never said we should do it without the consent of York’s Queens.”

“And how do you suggest I gain their trust? I have something of a reputation, remember? And it’s not exactly pretty.”

Harold stood and stumped over to the heavy wooden desk. “Since you seem so fond of Lady Carter, I suggest we start with her.” He picked up the web in its frame. “I saw two things in this web, Prince Reese. One of them was you. The other was that the council is almost ready to make its move against the Queen of Manhattan.”

 


 

It wasn’t that Fusco didn’t feel bad about what he was doing. He was a Blood male: of course he felt bad about betraying his Queen. Especially after the lengths she’d gone to, to protect not only him, but also his son.

But he was a Summer-Sky-Jeweled Warlord, and even Carter only wore Purple Dusk. Sooner or later, the council was going to find a way to take Manhattan away from her, either by breaking her or worse. When that happened, if he wasn’t on the right side, he wasn’t going to survive much longer himself. Maybe if he were the kind of male who valued his honor more than his life…but he wasn’t, and there was no use pretending otherwise. Still, it was a good thing Ma hadn’t lived to see it. She’d always bragged that her boy was as loyal as the night was long.

Fusco had told Carter he was going to a Red Moon House. She didn’t exactly approve, but since everyone knew his wife had divorced him over a year ago, no one blinked twice at the idea of him seeking out a little paid female company. He just didn’t mention that it was one of Elias’s Red Moon houses, or that he wasn’t going there to sheath his spear, but rather to meet with his council-appointed contact.

Giving the driver his destination, Fusco climbed into the carriage with a sigh. York was changing, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it except try not to get trampled.

They’d gone about six blocks when out of nowhere a long, lean shape suddenly detached itself from the shadows inside the Carriage and a voice that chilled Fusco’s blood said blandly, “Hello, Lionel.”

Fusco bolted for the door, but it refused to budge. A quick blast of Summer-Sky power was as ineffectual as he’d thought it would be against a Gray lock, but he had to try. When he knew for a fact he couldn’t escape, Lionel sank back into his seat and stared in horror at the Gray-Jeweled Warlord Prince who sat across from him, no longer wrapped in the sight shield that had prevented Fusco from knowing he was there before he got in.

John Reese. Mother Night. And looking as sane as he’d ever seen a Warlord Prince look–which, granted, to Fusco most Warlord Princes always looked like they were walking the edge of the Twisted Kingdom anyway. But Reese sure as Hell didn’t look like he had when they’d brought him to Carter after the altercation on the public Coach.

“What do you want?” Fusco demanded, sounding bolder than he felt.

“You’ve been a bad, bad boy, Lionel. Ratting out your Queen? Somebody needs a lesson in Protocol.” Even though he could barely see Reese’s face in the dim interior of the Carriage, there was a dangerous edge to his voice that only increased Lionel’s terror. He was trapped in an enclosed space with a Warlord Prince who was only inches away from the killing edge.

Well, damn it, if he was going to die anyway, he was at least going to die honest. “I know Protocol,” he spat back. “But I also know what happens around here lately to a male who doesn’t obey the council. I don’t particularly want to wear a Ring of Obedience, or worse, see one on my son.”

“The council isn’t going to be calling the shots around here much longer.”

Fusco scoffed. “Oh really. And who is?”

“Me.”

Lionel felt cold all over. When a Gray-Jeweled Warlord Prince made a statement like that, he had the power to back it up. Mother Night, the darkest Jewel on the council was Elias’ Sapphire–that Red-Jeweled Bitch from Hayll wouldn’t have backed them if there was anyone who could challenge her power.

Problem was, he had no idea whether to feel relieved or even more terrified. Snow still insisted that Reese had been the one who murdered Stanton in the first place. Add to that the fact that until a couple of hours ago he was supposedly wandering the Twisted Kingdom, and it didn’t really seem like that much of an improvement.

Reese let him stew for a moment, then went on. “Of course, if I’m going to take out the council and win the Queens’ support, I’m going to need someone on the inside. That’s where you come in.”

“So you’re saying I answer to you, now.” Hell, he’d switched sides in the first place to save his own skin. Doing so again wasn’t exactly out of character.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Fusco shifted uncomfortably. “What exactly does that entail? You want me to stop reporting to the council?”

The most powerful Warlord Prince in all of York shook his head with a lazy smile that would probably be a lot less scary on anyone else. “Oh, no, you’re going to keep reporting to the council, but you’re going to report what I tell you to. And you’re going to protect Carter with your life, because if you don’t, I’ll kill you myself: slower and more painfully than either you or the council can imagine. And Lionel? I won’t give you the mercy of the final death.”

Fusco imagined himself wandering Hell for centuries as a mutilated corpse, and shuddered. “Fine. What do you want me to say?”

 


 

*Well, that should take care of Lord Fusco,* Reese sent on a spear thread.

Finch looked up from the book he’d been reading, startled. One of the things he liked about the abandoned manor that he’d chosen for them was its extensive library, whose shelves he’d happily set to filling as soon as he moved in. The other was that its run down state had made it easy to hide behind a sight shield without anyone becoming suspicious–it was simply assumed that the house had been destroyed. *Is he…?*

*Lionel is, shall we say…newly persuaded that it’s in his own best interests to remain loyal to his Queen.*

Well, at least he wasn’t dead. He’d been half expecting that when Reese had said he was going to ‘deal with’ Lionel Fusco. Still, the heavy-handed tactic left a bad taste in his mouth. *Did you have to threaten the man?*

He could almost hear Reese chuckle silently. *If you wanted to avoid violence, you should’ve picked someone other than a Warlord Prince for a partner.*

Harold winced. He couldn’t really argue that. He’d been surprised, however, by how Reese had responded to his revelation about the threat to Carter’s life he’d seen in his latest web. He could weave the webs well enough, but apparently his lack of natural talent was more problematic in the area of reading them. Hence they found themselves working with limited information. The Queen of Manhattan was in danger and Reese was essential to saving her, but that was about all he had. The rest, Reese had extrapolated on his own. *What makes you so certain the threat will come from within her court?* he asked.

*Because that’s how Elias works. He doesn’t get his hands dirty. He recruits someone the Queen trusts and then after the job is done, they take the blame.*

Ah, of course. *You mean like they did with you?*

Reese’s mental voice took on a harder edge. *No. They threw me to the wolves to punish me, because I refused to play their game.*

Clearly that particular topic was still dangerous ground. Harold steered away from it. *Then if the threat is likely to come from within, we need to clear everyone. Lionel Fusco’s only a Summer-Sky-Jeweled Warlord; the most he could really do to protect Lady Carter is to buy us a little more time.*

Reese agreed. *I’ve got Fusco checking out her consort, Beecher, and the Steward, Donnelly. If they’re in the council’s pocket too, they’ll talk to him. Szmanski, Fusco’s second, he’s solid. But none of them wear darker Jewels than she does. If I’m really going to protect her against the Sapphire, I need to protect her myself.*

*Are you sure that’s such a good idea?* Harold asked warily. *Remember, the last time you met Lady Carter, you were still playing the madman. She may not be eager to trust you.*

*She doesn’t have to trust me yet. I just have to get close enough to shield her.* What he didn’t add was that no one in Carter’s court was powerful enough to stop him if he made up his mind he wanted to get that close to her.

Finch sighed. *Does that mean you’re not going to be home any time soon?*

*Why, Harold, do you miss me?*

He was beginning to regret ever allowing Reese to learn his first name. The man wielded it with entirely too much unholy glee. Pointedly not answering the question, he retorted instead with, *Just try not to get yourself killed too soon. I’d hate for all the effort I’ve put into this arrangement to be in vain.*

 


 

The estate where Joss held her court was the same one where the previous Queen of Manhattan had lived–she’d inherited it when Diana stepped down. As a result, no matter how long she lived in these rooms, sometimes she still felt like a visitor. That feeling had only gotten worse since the male council had started making demands they knew she wouldn’t meet, trying to pressure her into stepping down and leaving Manhattan to a Queen they could control.

Her mother had left Hayll so Joss wouldn’t have to make choices like that. Joss had stayed and raised her son here because, under Kara Stanton, York had been a place where she believed they’d both be safe; Stanton had been a ruthless Queen, but a good one who honored Protocol. But Kara was gone, and Joss was only too aware of how tenuous her own position had become. Sometimes she thought about leaving, about finding another territory where Dorothea’s poison hadn’t reached yet. But that would mean abandoning her people, and as terrified as she was for herself and Taylor, that was something she refused to do. She was a Queen. That meant she had responsibilities to the land and its people that didn’t involve abandoning them to the tender mercies of someone with the same caste but not the same principles.

How any Queen could lack those principles was something she had never been able to comprehend, but she’d met enough unprincipled Queens to know it did happen. And it was happening more and more as Dorothea SaDiablo’s influence bled through Terreille.

One thing was for certain: Dorothea was a master manipulator. She twisted Blood males and witches alike, using them against each other. Her pet males broke the strong witches before they could be a threat to her, and her pet Queens used the Ring of Obedience to control strong males that she couldn’t corrupt. Carl Elias was too smart not to know that Dorothea didn’t give a fig about him or his council– that she had just used them to eliminate a powerful potential rival in Kara Stanton–but he didn’t care because right now he had what he wanted.

Or, well, mostly he had what he wanted. As long as Joss was Queen of Manhattan, Elias would never totally control her city. Nor was she the only Queen in York who was holding out. The problem was, when he finally decided to make his move, all of them put together might not be enough to stop him.

The council knew that, and used it to put pressure on the Queens to give just one more inch, to compromise just that little bit. Like today, for example.

Taking a deep breath, Joss opened the door and confronted her unwelcome visitor. “Prince Snow. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

If he heard the sarcasm in her voice, Snow ignored it. He turned to face her with a beneficent smile. “Lady Carter. It’s been too long. How’s your son?”

Joss smiled tightly in return. The council never failed to remind her of that she had someone in her life that they could hurt if she disappointed them. “Growing into a fine young man. He’ll be making the Offering to the Darkness soon.” Not that it would make him any safer. She’d prayed through Taylor’s entire birthright ceremony that he would come out with a Jewel darker than her own, or at least with the potential to descend to darker, but in that the Darkness had not been merciful. He wore Tiger-Eye, just as she once had.

“But you didn’t come here to talk about my family,” she stated pointedly. “What exactly is it that you want?”

Snow took a seat. Or rather, he took the biggest seat in the room, as if he were the one holding court. “I understand you had John Reese in your custody recently, and you let him go.”

Carter snorted. She might’ve known that’s what this was about. “In case you forgot, that’s a Gray-Jeweled Warlord Prince you’re talking about. I didn’t ‘let’ him do anything.”

“But you did speak with him.”

“More like spoke to. I did some talking, he didn’t do any answering.”

Snow steepled his hands together. “And what would you say was his mental state when you spoke to him?”

“How should I know? Do I look like a Black Widow to you?” Honestly, if the man sitting across from her wasn’t a Sapphire-Jeweled Warlord Prince, she probably would’ve thrown him out by now. She was losing patience at an unhealthy rate. “Look, you know and I know you didn’t come here today to check in on John Reese’s mental health, either. So, stop beating around the bush and cut to the chase already.”

Snow didn’t look happy, but conceded. “All right. The council is concerned because ever since the day you say you spoke to Reese, his behavior has become increasingly erratic.”

Joss frowned. “What exactly qualifies as ‘erratic’ behavior from a Warlord Prince who’s been lost in the Twisted Kingdom for years?”

“Grant Whitaker was a Warlord whose brother murdered his entire family and then took his own life, or so everyone believed. When Grant found out his niece, Theresa, was still alive, he tried to find her. Reese killed him, and no one has seen the niece since.”

Joss felt a jolt of surprise. Theresa Whitaker was the name of the young witch who’d appeared on her doorstep suddenly a few weeks ago. The girl had told her that she’d been told she could trust Joss by a “friend” who had saved her life. She’d ended up sending her away to Janette, the Red-Jeweled Queen of Toronto Territory, with a promise to keep Theresa safe at least until she was old enough to make the Offering.

“What makes you so sure it was Reese?” Joss asked carefully.

Snow grimaced. “No one else in York has the power to do what was done to Whitaker.”

Joss frowned again, this time in frustration. Truth be told, she wasn’t quite sure what to make of the story she was hearing. When Theresa had come to her, she’d been absolutely terrified, but she’d refused to say anything about who or what she was running from. Was John Reese the threat that had her so afraid, or was he the one who’d saved her life?

“Whitaker isn’t the only one either. A Warlord Prince named Andrew Benton recently disappeared under mysterious circumstances after Reese was seen following him. And there are others.”

She knew the name Andrew Benton as well. A couple of years ago, not long after Stanton died, the family of Gabrielle Tillman had come to her for restitution after Benton had raped and broken her on her Virgin Night. He’d claimed it was an accident, but after Joss dug a little deeper and found out this wasn’t the first time, she’d decided in favor of the family. The council had swooped in, revoked her decision, and whisked Benton away to another part of the territory before she’d been able to act. She’d been furious, let the council know in no uncertain terms that their pet rapist was only safe so long as he stayed away from Manhattan. If he set foot in her District again, she’d have him executed, personal consequences be damned.

If Reese had killed Prince Benton, as Snow seemed to imply, then as far as she was concerned he’d done her a favor. Maybe done every woman in York a favor.

“Murder isn’t against Blood law,” Joss pointed out.

Snow sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, a surprisingly human gesture. “Look, I know what you think but I’m not out to get John Reese. Believe it or not, he was my closest friend when we served in Kara’s court together. But there was a woman he loved–a Summer-Sky-Jeweled hearth-witch named Jessica–and something shattered in him when she was broken and murdered. He blamed Kara: thought she should have been able to prevent it. That was why he killed her. Now we think he’s trying to set himself up as Warlord Prince of York, that he doesn’t trust any Queen to rule well any longer. Maybe he thinks he’s avenging someone, protecting someone by what he’s doing, but he needs help. If there is anything at all that you know that could help me find him, please. I need you to tell me.”

It sounded plausible. In fact, it made a horrible sort of sense. If Joss had ever had a reason to trust Mark Snow, she might’ve believed it without question. But Snow had every reason to lie to her, especially about Reese. If he was sane again, he was probably the only person in the whole of York who could pose any real threat to the council.

She sighed. “Maybe it was those Warlords in the Coach. Maybe they triggered something in him, I don’t know. But I haven’t seen or heard from John Reese since he walked out of here.”

Still frowning, Snow rose from his seat. “If he makes contact, I’d appreciate hearing from you.”

“I’ll make that call if and when the time comes, Prince. And when I do, I’ll decide based on what’s best for my district, not for you.”

Snow frowned, clearly unhappy with her answer, but aware he’d been dismissed. He stood and bowed stiffly, then saw himself out.

Joss waited until Snow was well away from her home before rising from her seat with every intention of finding Donnelly and sending him on a little trip to the Keep. No matter what anyone said, she wasn’t doing anything until she knew more about this string of supposed murders.

“It’s nice to know my old friend Mark still cares so much about my welfare.”

Joss spun around, instinctively calling a weapon to hand. Her surprise turned to anger, however, when she saw the Gray-Jeweled Warlord Prince reclining casually in one of the chairs by the fire. Immediately she understood why Snow was so worried because John Reese looked nothing like the man she’d tried to communicate with all those weeks ago. He was clean, clean-shaven and well dressed, and most importantly of all, he looked undeniably sane.

“What in Hell are you doing here?” she demanded.

Reese shrugged. “I came to talk, but Snow beat me to it, so I thought I’d wait and see what he had to say.”

“Uh huh. And even after hearing what he had to say, you still thought it would be a good idea to sneak up on me?”

He looked sheepish, but only asked, “Do you believe what he said?”

Joss sighed. “Let’s just say that I’d be a lot less likely to consider it if you hadn’t broken into my home and spied on me.” She vanished the blade and folded her arms over her chest, still wary but not sensing any immediate threat. “You want to talk? Fine. Talk. But this better be good.”

Reese turned serious. “I came to warn you that your life is in danger.”

“My life is always in danger.”

He shook his head. “Not like this. The council is ready to make their move. Elias wants you dead.”

A cold knot of fear tied itself in Carter’s stomach. She didn’t know how he knew that, but after Snow’s visit she had little doubt that it was probably true. As much as he’d genuinely wanted to know what she knew about Reese, he was almost certainly also testing her. Giving her one last chance to show she could be pliable before they wrote her off. But at the same time…

“And why should I trust you? For all I know, Snow could be telling the truth about you setting yourself up as Warlord Prince of York.”

Reese shrugged. “He is telling the truth. About that part.”

Joss dropped her face into her hands. “Mother Night. Tell me again why I should believe a word that comes out of your mouth?”

Something in Reese’s face hardened, but it wasn’t directed at her. “Because I know as well as you do that what York really needs is a strong Queen who honors Protocol. But we don’t have one of those. So maybe the next best thing is a strong male who honors Protocol. One who’d be not only willing but eager to step down when the right Territory Queen comes along, but who could protect the honorable District and Province Queens in the meantime.” He shrugged then and added, “It works for Dhemlan, anyway.”

“We’ve got plenty of Queens in this territory who honor Protocol,” she objected. “Why not just elevate one of the Province Queens?”

He turned eyes to her that had more shadows in them than Kaeleer. “Kara Stanton wore the Sapphire and I never left her side, yet Elias still found a way to destroy her right under my nose. We were attacked, not by a stronger Jewel but by so many enemies that no matter how many we killed, more kept coming. I had her create a Shadow and used it to try to lure them away, fully intending to sacrifice myself so that she could escape. But I failed. If I support you or one of the other Queens to take over the Territory, I paint that exact same target on your back, and the backs of everyone you care about. I can’t do that again, not until I know the council is no longer a threat.”

Joss frowned, taking a seat across from him and rubbing a hand over her eyes. It still felt wrong, almost foul.

Reese leaned forward. “Maybe it won’t be necessary. Maybe the Queen we need will show up out of nowhere tomorrow and you can forget I ever brought it up. Right now all I’m asking is for the opportunity to earn your trust; the rest can wait.”

“And how do you plan to go about ‘earning my trust’ after a suggestion like that?” she demanded.

“Take me into service for a few months. It can be third circle, nothing flashy.”

Joss laughed ruefully and shook her head. “Oh, no. If I take you into service then I’m responsible to the families of anyone you kill.” She looked at him. “You did kill Grant Whitaker, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” he answered briefly.

“Just answer me this: did you do it to protect Theresa?”

John met her eyes evenly and repeated: “Yes.”

“And did you kill Andrew Benton to avenge Gabrielle Tillman?”

He just tilted his head and asked, “What do you think?”

Well, that was something anyway. It proved her instincts had been right about him at least to a point. And the fact that no one knew he was here and yet Reese hadn’t made a move to hurt her, that proved something else. Joss didn’t trust as easily as she once had–she couldn’t afford to–but it helped a little that so far she’d seen nothing to support Snow’s version of Reese’s character.

“How about this?” he suggested. “How about you let me serve you unofficially for a few weeks?”

“Again, how?”

He looked at her seriously and said, “By keeping you alive.”

Joss gave him a long, hard look for a couple of moments before deciding. “Fine. You wanna play bodyguard? I’ll give you your chance. But you do it on my terms. Which means nobody dies without my say-so, and I don’t even want to see you unless there’s an Opal or darker involved. Otherwise, I can take care of myself. You got me?”

“And if you can’t?” he countered. “Even lighter Jewels can overwhelm a darker one in force.”

“Then that’s for me to decide.” Her eyes didn’t leave his. If one of them was going to back down, it was going to be him because this wasn’t an option in her book. “If you can’t respect that, you and I have nothing more to say to each other.”

Reese’s expression didn’t change, but something like admiration sparked in his eyes. He’d respected her caste from the beginning; now maybe he would respect her. “Understood.”

He rose to leave, but she stopped him with a gesture. “One more thing. I’ve got no problem with Andrew Benton and his ilk getting what’s coming to them. But in the future, if they live in my city? You give them to me. You’re not Warlord Prince of York yet.”

The Warlord Prince in question seemed to ponder that for a moment. “What if there’s not time?”

She gave him a look that brooked no excuses. “Then you knock them unconscious and make the time.”

 


 

When the attack finally came, it wasn’t what either of them had been expecting.

Manhattan had long ago absorbed all of the surrounding landen villages as it grew, so that these days it was more accurate to say the city had a landen quarter. Despite Carter’s best efforts, the quarter wasn’t pretty, but under her rulership it was at least safe, something the residents respected her enormously for. It increased Reese’s respect too: too many of the Blood these days looked on their landen neighbors as just a labor force, or worse, an inconvenience. That Jocelyn Carter was a Queen who cared about all of her people, even those without any Craft ability, only made him more determined to protect her.

Earlier that day, Carter had disciplined a Warlord who’d been making trouble in the landen quarter, threatening and harrassing the people. True to his word, when Finch had learned about the Warlord’s identity, Reese had delivered him to Carter. The way she stood her ground and delivered Queen’s justice with a firm but fair hand had only further convinced him that Jocelyn Carter was a Queen the Realms couldn’t afford to lose.

Once Alvarez was taken care of, so she’d come down to the landen quarter to let them know Alvarez wasn’t going to be bothering them anymore. Reese had been along more as a formality than anything, because he’d helped bring him down rather than because of any real threat. He was sight shielded as usual because of his promise not to be seen, a choice he would later regret, because perhaps if they’d seen what they would be dealing with, the outcome would’ve been different.

Carter was busy talking with the leader, so he had wandered off a bit to discuss with Finch on a psychic thread their progress in weeding out the disloyal from Joss’s court.

Things had changed so suddenly that he barely had time to respond. One minute Carter had been offering to treat the leader to dinner, and the next second he apologized as a mob descended on her. Carter was well trained enough that she had a shield up in an instant, and was sending quick bursts of Purple Dusk power into the crowd to disable her attackers. That didn’t stop his protective instincts from kicking in.

It was over in minutes. Those landens who hadn’t been killed by the bursts of Gray power that he released had fled. If Carter hadn’t physically interposed herself between him and the rest to stop him from going after them, he probably would’ve wiped out the entire quarter. “Stand down, Prince!”

Still riding the killing edge, Reese growled, “They tried to kill you.”

“Because the council threatened their families if they didn’t; threatened to wipe out the whole quarter. They were terrified, and with damn good reason. Now, stand down.”

They stared at each other, but after a moment Carter’s presence–steadfast and alive–eased the pounding in his blood. Reese stepped back. Satisfied, she crouched down beside the body of the mob’s leader, a man she’d called “BC”, then looked back up at him sternly. “I told you, no killing without my say-so.”

Reese didn’t answer, trusting her to understand that he hadn’t been entirely in control of his actions. She was a good Queen, so there would be consequences anyway, but he had to believe it wouldn’t hurt his case too badly.

“This man had a family,” she stated quietly. “His wife died years ago. His kids have no one else. So since you took their father away from them too, that makes you responsible for them.”

Justice, not revenge. Just like she’d given Alvarez. Reese nodded. “I can do that.” Finch had been very generous when he’d “hired” him, so he’d gone from having nothing to having just about everything he needed almost overnight. Taking responsibility for a landen family would scarcely make a dent, but it was a fair recompense for him depriving that family of its provider.

*Prince Reese? What’s happening?* Finch asked anxiously.

*It’s over,* he replied shortly. *Carter’s safe. I should’ve seen this coming, Harold. It’s the same tactic Elias used in Ordos after I refused to turn. Superior numbers to weaken the shield and drain the intended victim’s psychic strength until they’re vulnerable.*

*In that case, it’s a good thing you were there.*

Not privy to the silent conversation, Carter spoke again, this time with a cold fury in her voice and her dark eyes burning like Black Jewels. “Damn Elias and that council of his. These people are just so much garbage to them. Disposable.” She paused next to the body of the group’s leader, a man she’d addressed earlier as ‘BC,’ and gently closed his eyes, even though he had been the one to lead the assault. “What were they supposed to do? Fight back?” Her hands clenched into fists so tight that her fingernails drew blood. “And when the council learns they’ve failed, they won’t care why. They’ll retaliate anyway.”

Reese nodded. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

Joss stood, the fire in her eyes flashing much darker and more dangerously than her Jewels warranted. “Oh no. And leave them to fend for themselves?”

Obedience was the third law, but at at time like this John cared a lot more about the first two. “Then I’ll come back. But you’re my first concern.”

“These are my people, Prince. If I don’t do everything in my power protect them, I don’t deserve to rule over them.” Her face had turned a sickly shade of gray, but she stood her ground. “Besides, I need you for something more important.”

“And what’s that?”

The eyes that Carter raised to his face spoke volumes, even though she only said one word. “Taylor.”

Reese swore loudly in a few of the more colorful languages he’d learned before coming to York. “I won’t let anything happen to him.” He’d let Elias offer him an impossible choice once, between the woman he loved and the Queen he served, and in the end he’d lost them both because he refused to choose. He wouldn’t let the same thing happen to Carter. “But if you even think it’s going to be more than you can handle, will you send for me?”

She nodded, calling in a weapon and holding it so tightly that he doubted even he would’ve been able to knock it out of her grip. “Just promise me you’ll keep my son safe.”

John squeezed her free hand. “You have my word.”

He turned away, calling out to Finch on a psychic thread as he did so. *Finch, Carter’s son. When the council finds out they failed to kill her, he’ll be the next target.*

*I’m on my way to his school now,* Finch promised. *With any luck, I’ll get there before the council even knows what happened.*

Reese glanced hesitantly back over his shoulder before adding, *They may have already grabbed him, as insurance.*

*Then I’ll find out where they’re keeping him.*

 


 

There was something unique about the relationship between a mother and son, Harold reflected as he watched the reunion between the Queen of Manhattan and her son. She was his protector, his teacher, the first woman he ever loved or served. And every mother was a Queen to her son, whether that was her caste or not.

He was alive today because of his own mother. Because she had taught him what he needed to survive, tradition be damned, and because she had sacrificed her own life for his. He still missed her, and even though this wasn’t what she had intended for him, a large part of the reason why he was determined to save York instead of just leaving to find another Territory where the Queens still honored the old ways was because of her. This had been her birthplace as well as his, and he wasn’t going to let it go to ruin as long as it was in his power to prevent it.

Moments like this made it all worth it.

Reese reached him then, and turned at his side to watch the embracing pair with a smile. “You know what? For the first time, I’m starting to believe this crazy plan of yours might actually work.”

“It’s nice to know you doubted me before now,” Harold answered dryly. At this hour of the morning, when the sunlight was still weak even if the sun had technically cleared the horizon, the streets were virtually empty. Nevertheless, Finch sent his next question to Reese along a Green spear thread. *I’m curious, Prince, why you sent me to help Lady Carter defend the landen village instead of helping you locate Taylor. I have quite a few contacts around the city, you know.*

Reese answered without turning. *I needed someone I could trust watching her back. Someone with a darker Jewel than Fusco.*

*And if she’d been wrong, and Elias had sent someone with a Jewel stronger than Green to deal with the landen problem?* he prodded.

*Then you would still have been able to handle them.*

Harold blanched. Although perhaps he should have, he hadn’t been expecting that answer. *How…?*

Now Reese looked at him. *You said it yourself, Harold: your mother taught you how to hide your true strength. If you were birthright Purple Dusk descended to Green, you would most likely use the Purple Dusk. But you always use the Green, so that has to be your birthright Jewel. Which means your Jewel of Rank has to be at least Sapphire or Red, possibly darker. So why did you need me?*

*As I said before, you’re a Warlord Prince. I’m a Prince. You’ve probably noticed I don’t have much taste for violence, even when necessary.* He sighed. *I’d appreciate if you didn’t…*

Reese chuckled under his breath. *Don’t worry, Harold, your secret is safe with me.*

Apparently satisfied that he was real and alive, Carter finally released her son from the tight embrace she’d pulled him into almost the moment Reese brought him into sight. Still keeping one arm around the boy’s shoulders, she closed the distance between them and where Harold and Reese stood, stopping hesitantly in front of the two men. “I wanted to thank you. Both of you.”

“It was no trouble, Lady Carter,” Finch answered respectfully.

Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him, no doubt trying to figure out how exactly he fit in. In spite of the fact that Reese trusted her, Harold still wouldn’t have been upset if she never did figure it out. A lifetime of hiding didn’t allow him to give up his secrets easily.

The Queen of Manhattan seemed to understand that much. She smiled faintly at him and then turned her attention to Reese.”I may live to regret this, but if you still want me to talk to the other Queens about signing a contract with you, I will.”

Finch was the one who answered. “Yes, we would very much appreciate that.”

 


 

Present day…

 

*If it makes you feel any better, Harold,* Reese told him as he lifted his cup of blooded rum to his lips. *I had doubts about your sanity when we met too. After all, it’s not every day you meet a Gray-Jeweled Prince who’s pretending to wear the Green and claims he was trained as a Black Widow, let alone one who wants to set you up as the ruler of a whole Territory.*

Outside, the sun was starting to dip below the horizon, so Harold set down his tray and, after discreetly looking around to make sure no one was paying attention, helped himself to a cup.

His lips pursed into something resembling, but not quite, a smile. *I suppose I can see how that might have been difficult to believe. But you stayed anyway.*

It hadn’t been an easy road and they’d faced obstacles other than just the council or the approval of York’s Queens, but they were several steps closer now to making Harold’s vision a reality, something he knew he couldn’t have accomplished without the Warlord Prince at his side.

John nodded. Another moment of silence, though, and the smile slowly bled off his face. *Even if we succeed, though–even if we wipe out the council and purge York of Hayll’s influence–it won’t be enough, will it? Because neither one of us belongs to any of the long-lived races. And Carter and Taylor don’t have the power to fight it on their own.*

*No,* Harold admitted with no small pain. *Eventually, all of Terreille will fall into Hayll’s shadow. But it will still mean something if what we’ve done keeps York safe for at least the next generation, maybe even the one after that.*

Across the wide ballroom, musicians struck up a traditional Winsol tune and people began drifting onto the dance floor and selecting their partners.

The Warlord Prince of York turned instinctively towards the activity, but glanced back over his shoulder at his partner in crime. *Aren’t you going to join in the dancing?* he teased.

Harold grimaced. *I rather think Witch would be far more glorified by my decision to refrain.*

Reese smiled, chuckling at the image, and took a sip from his cup of blooded rum. He was silent for a long moment before asking, “Do you think She’ll ever come again?”

Harold looked up at John, confused. “Who?”

“Witch. The Queen of the Darkness.” There was the same longing in his voice that was always there when he spoke about the Queen that York needed.

Finch lowered his own cup to the table and frowned thoughtfully. “My mother told me once, when I was a boy, that Witch is born every time someone dreams a dream so powerful that it ripples through the Darkness and reaches the dream-weavers of Arachna. They weave a tangled web that binds that dream to flesh and send her out into the Realms to find the dreamer. So while sometimes Witch is a powerful Queen, she can also be an artist’s inspiration or merely a beloved daughter. It all depends on the dreamers.”

Reese nodded, and Finch could see by the haunted look in his eyes that he was once again remembering his Summer-Sky-Jeweled hearth-witch. “And what happens when that dream gets shattered?”

Harold thought about it for a long moment as he watched the dancers. It seemed overly simplistic somehow, to assume that a dream could only be woven into reality by the Arachnans. Surely there was room for a dream that had been built with hard work and sheer stubbornness, even in Blood society. A dream shaped not with silk but with blood and tears, just they way he and Reese and the Queens who’d ultimately backed them had built this fragile web of protection around their home. A part of him even felt like that sort of thing ought to mean more.

Harold looked over at John and this time he didn’t hide his smile.

“Then I suppose you find a new dream.”

Posted in Black Jewels Universe - Anne Bishop, Carter/Beecher, Crossovers, Gen, Het, Person of Interest, Person of Interest/Black Jewels, Reese/Finch, Slash | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fic: Indulgence (SG, Daniel/Sha’uri)

Author’s Note: Thanks to illmantrim for the beta, and Christina and Medie for their enthusiasm and for–inadvertently–inspiring me to watch the movie again. *g* Also, to all the people who indulged my rambling about Shau’ri’s probable age at the time of the movie and Mili Avital’s performance vs. Vaitare Bandera’s.


“Father?”

Kasuf stopped his pacing and turned to frown at his wayward daughter. Outside, the sandstorm still raged and most of his people were still feasting the strangers. He struggled not to think of how long the food could have lasted had they not arrived. Ra did not concern himself with such petty things as his people’s starvation–if they did not have enough to eat and still honor him as was his due, they must not be working hard enough. But how could they work any harder without killing themselves?

Only Ra’s emissary himself, the odd one, had left the feast, and was currently being tended to by the women of his family–his sisters, his brothers’ wives, and his wife’s sisters. But they could not attend to him forever…

“Do not trouble me now, Sha’uri,” he ordered impatiently. “I have more urgent concerns to fill my thoughts.”

“What gifts to give the emissary of Ra, Skaara told me,” she acknowledged with a dip of her head.

Kasuf’s frown deepened. Skaara told her too much, but how could he blame the boy for following his lead? Neither of them could seem to deny Sha’uri anything she wished to know, even if she was far too curious for a woman. In that, she was much like her late mother, who had been slain by Ra for her blasphemous questions. And he…he both loved and feared for Sha’uri for it. He loved the reminder of the wife he had adored, but feared that his beloved child might one day share her fate because she could not contain herself.

Still, reluctantly, he nodded his acknowledgment of her words. Right or wrong, he could deny her nothing. “It is too soon. The mines have not yet produced what the god demanded, yet there is nothing else we have to give.”

“Except a virgin to be his bride,” she pointed out, again far too astutely for her own good.

“Yes, except for that,” Kasuf admitted. “The difficulty now lies in choosing. R’shien is closest to marrying age, but she is enamored of Kakub and I have already promised my blessing to their union.”

“Would not the daughter of the chieftain himself be a more fitting gift?” Sha’uri hinted boldly, sinking down onto one of the cushions in her father’s tent.

He looked at her, surprised. “You?”

She nodded. “Don’t think I have not heard the rumors, my father. They say that you indulge me, and that is why I have remained unmarried for three full cycles after all my playmates have wed and borne their first children.”

Kasuf too was not unaware of the rumors. Nor was he unaware that they were true, that he dreaded the thought of Sha’uri leaving his fire for a husband’s. Who would care for him and Skaara when she was gone? What husband would ignore such stubbornness in a wife, or would not beat it out of her? He feared all those possibilities, thus why he had an unmarried daughter of seventeen.

Still…it was not like the much-indulged child she acknowledged herself to be to offer up her own freedom like this. He studied her closely. “You like this man, this emissary.”

His daughter blushed and dropped her eyes. “He is not like the others Ra has sent. He is gentle and kind, not cruel and demanding–”

Kasuf drew in a sharp, hissing breath and crossed the tent in three quick strides. “Foolish girl! For speaking such blasphemy against the servants of Ra, a proper father would beat you until you begged for mercy!” Sha’uri cowered from his raised hand, and the minute he saw the fear in her eyes, his anger melted and his hands fell to his sides. “…but I cannot. So am I the greater fool!”

Emboldened, Sha’uri reached out one hand and clasped his robe. “Father…he did not fear the symbols as the other emissaries of Ra have. He tried to teach us. Perhaps Ra has changed his mind–”

Kasuf suppressed a shudder at the reminder of his elder child’s frightening fascination with the forbidden symbols. “It was a test,” he asserted firmly. “To see if we remain faithful.”

He could see in her eyes that she disagreed, but did not voice it. Ra help him, how could he control such a daughter? How could anyone but a god hope to control such a woman?

“Very well!” he gave in with an exasperated cry. “I will give you to the emissary. Perhaps he can teach you proper respect for your god.”

With a pleased cry of her own, Sha’uri sprang up and threw her arms around her father’s neck, giving him a sound kiss on the cheek. Kasuf coughed and blinked hard to conceal the tears that threatened. “Go–tell whatever of your aunts are not with the emissary to prepare you as a bride. At last.”

She smiled and turned to leave.

“I only ask one thing in return, my daughter.”

Eyes just like her mother’s turned back to him with fear and hope mingled in their depths. “Speak of this conversation to no one, not even Skaara or your new husband. It would not do for the rumor of your indulgence to be proved truth.”

With a shy smile, Sha’uri took a deep, nervous breath and disappeared through the flap of the tent. Kasuf resisted a pang of regret that the next time she entered it, she would be a wife. And soon after…no doubt the god’s emissary would take her away to dwell among the stars. But it was what she wanted–even though she might have second thoughts once the time came to perform her wifely duties–and he could deny her nothing.

He had indeed indulged her far too much.

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