Fic: Cold Feet (SGA, ?)

Author’s Note: Blame Medie! It’s all her fault! Missing scene from “Hide and Seek.”


“Will you hold still, damn it, McKay?”

“Look, I can’t help it. I have a very low pain threshold, and I–”

“It’s not supposed to hurt; wasn’t that the whole point of this experiment?”

“Yeah, but what if it doesn’t work? Or what if I’m wrong about how it works? Granted, that’s unlikely, but…oh, God, I knew this was a bad idea.”

“McKay! Shut up and get your ass back over here, NOW, before I decide to really put that thing to the test.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.”

“Fine. But…try to be gentle, all right?”

Gentle?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Riiight. Now just stand right here, and–stop that.”

“What?”

“That…grimacing like that. I’m not going to torture you.”

“No, just fill me full of foreign objects. Ask Carson, I don’t react well to that.”

“It’s one foreign object, and would you hold still already?”

“Do you blame me for being nerv–OW!!!!!!!! You shot me!”

“And it bounced right off you, just like you predicted it would. Don’t even try to pretend that hurt.”

“That’s not the point. The point is that I wasn’t ready!”

“The point is that it worked, McKay.”

“Oh my God, you’re right. It worked. I’m invulnerable!”

“Insufferable’s more like it.”

“Ha ha, very funny, Major. I wonder what else the shield can guard against?”

“Well, we could always throw you off a balcony and find out…”

 

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Fic: Game, Set, Match (SGA, Sheppard/Weir)

Author’s Note: Written for Noelle for sg1flashfic2; she wanted McKay humor, Sheppard/Weir romance, or Sam/Teal’c–I think I managed the first two with a cameo by the third. Written during S1, so operates on the assumption that the team wouldn’t succeed in getting back in touch with Earth as quickly as they did, so now AU. Thanks to Medie for her encouragement, suggestions, and for being my “Canadian snark consultant,” and Christina for her patience.


Dr. Carson Beckett stared at his friend, the incredulity in his eyes echoed in his voice. “Rodney, I do believe you’ve finally gone daft.”

McKay rolled his eyes expressively. “Oh, come on. It’s perfectly logical.”

“Logical?” Beckett shook his head, turning back to the aquarium that held his mice with the bowl full of pellets. He smiled as the little things scrambled over each other to get to the food. “You’ve a funny idea of logic. For one thing, Dr. Weir already has a boyfriend–”

“Whom her chances of ever seeing again are, oh say, slim to none, considering how spectacularly we’ve failed at getting home so far,” the Canadian retorted, obliquely referring to the incident a couple years ago when they actually thought they’d made it home, only to discover it was all an illusion. “And even if we did make it back, who’s to say after three years with no word that this fellow would even still be waiting? Besides, I respect Elizabeth. I want her to be happy, and there’s not many women I can say that about.”

This diatribe was spoken rapidly while he hopped off the bed and followed Carson over to the tank. He peered inside just in time to notice two of the mice getting frisky and turn away with an expression of distaste. “Ugh–I really didn’t need to see that.”

A smug, knowing smile crossed the Doctor’s face. Rodney, probably the most unromantic man on the entire base–or at least the most closeted romantic–plotting to somehow pair off the city’s civilian and military commanders. “You, playin’ matchmaker. Now this I’ve got to see.”

“Oh, nonononono. You can’t just sit around and watch,” McKay protested. “I need your help.”

Carson snorted. “I imagine you do. Now, how exactly were you plannin’ to pull this off?”

Rodney’s face went blank, except for an uncharacteristically sheepish gleam in his eyes. He opened his mouth once or twice, then gave up and just smiled weakly.

The Scot sighed. “Aye, that’s what I thought.” Oh well. He might as well give in, since no doubt he would have no peace until he did. “First of all, you can’t make two people fall in love–”

McKay waved a dismissive hand. “I know, I know. Just stick them in a room together and let nature take its course, yadda yadda yadda. I just hope this doesn’t take too long–I do have other important work to finish.”

“Or not,” Beckett pointed out. “There might not be anything there in the first place.”

Rodney just looked at him like he’d declared the moon to be made of green cheese or something equally archaic and ridiculous. “Carson…have you watched the two of them together? Ever?” He made a sweeping gesture with his hands, as if trying to scoop all the air in the room into his arms and then roll it up into a ball. “You’d have to be…I don’t know, blind as a freaking bat to miss how they flirt with each other.”

The doctor glared at him. “Well, seein’ as you have such a high opinion of my observational skills, then I suppose you won’t be needin’ my help now after all, will you?” With that, he snapped the wire top back on the tank, almost clipping the other man’s hands in the process, and stalked away.

“Hey, watch the fingers–those are delicate scientific instruments, thank you very much! Carson–” McKay called after him, but the doctor didn’t turn around. Rodney was officially on his own.

Glaring at the mice as if this was somehow their fault, he let out a deep sigh. “Damn it!”


Dr. Elizabeth Weir stopped just inside the automatic doors of the conference room, a frown crossing her face. Major Sheppard was sitting at the table, deliberately twiddling his thumbs. Alone.

“Where’s Dr. McKay?”

The Major leaned back in his seat and put his feet up. “I was just wondering the same thing.”

Elizabeth stepped fully into the room, letting the doors close behind her. She took a seat across from Sheppard, folded her hands on the table in front of her, and sighed. “This is the third time in as many weeks he’s ‘forgotten’ about a meeting he called us to that was a dire emergency five minutes earlier.”

“Pretty fishy,” John agreed. “His excuses are getting flimsier too. I’d say the good doctor is definitely up to something.”

“Yeah, well, if he keeps crying wolf like this, he runs the risk of not getting our attention when there’s a genuine emergency,” Elizabeth retorted dryly. “I’m going to have to have a word with him.”

She stood and moved two steps towards the door before the power suddenly died with a loud whine.

That got the Major’s attention. He yanked his feet off the table and sat up ramrod straight for half a heartbeat before leaping to his feet with fluid grace. “What the hell?”

“Elizabeth?” McKay’s nervous voice suddenly came over the comm system.

“Rodney, what’s going on?” Weir demanded, her voice tinged with incredulity.

“Umm, sorry about that. The power should be back on in a couple of hours–”

“A couple of hours?” Sheppard interrupted, striding across the room to where Elizabeth was standing as if that would bring him into closer proximity with McKay, whom he looked about ready to strangle. “Why the hell did it go off in the first place?”

The scientist muttered something too rapidly and too indistinctly to discern. “Look, I’ll get right on the problem. In the meantime…just…take advantage of the opportunity. Sit, chat, get to know each other a little better.”

Get to know each other a little better? What on Earth? Elizabeth’s eyes narrowed. “Rodney? This wouldn’t happen to be the emergency you desperately needed to discuss with us, would it?”

There was a telling silence before McKay finally fumbled out. “Why, yes. Yes, it is, actually. Which is why I was running a little late. However, not to worry, I’ll have everything fixed before you know it.”

She exchanged a skeptical glance with John; McKay was never this optimistic unless he was hiding something. “Uh huh. All right, but Rodney? We don’t have a couple of hours.”

Now his voice sounded almost embarrassed. “Right. I’ll see what I can do.”

That was that, and the two stranded leaders looked at each other.

“So what do we do now?” Sheppard asked.

Elizabeth smiled ruefully. “Sit and chat, like he suggested? You can tell me how you’re doing on War and Peace.”

“Page sixty-eight.” The Major’s eyes narrowed. “You know what he’s up to, don’t you?”

She felt her cheeks warm a little in embarrassment under his scrutinizing gaze. “I might have an idea, but I’d rather not say–”

“–until you’re sure? Understandable.” He nodded, crossing back to the table and resuming his seat, feet up and all. Silence stretched awkwardly between them, then he sat up and snapped his fingers. “It’s a mutiny, isn’t it? He and Cavanaugh are staging some sort of uprising.”

That was a frightening thought. “Dear God, I hope not.”


The first time, it had been mildy annoying, but amusing nonetheless, Weir had to admit. The second time had been both confusing and frustrating, since whatever else he may be, Rodney McKay was usually not irresponsible when it came to overseeing the workings of the city. For that man to suddenly, conveniently neglect that responsibility every time it meant leaving her and Major Sheppard alone in a room together was not only suspicious and highly irregular, it was also downright dangerous.

This latest incident, in particular, was over the line. And she knew Rodney knew it, or she wouldn’t be having such a hard time tracking him down.

After checking most of his usual haunts and questioning Dr. Zelenka, Lieutenant Ford and Teyla, Elizabeth gave up and decided that if there was one person remaining in the city who might know where he was hiding, it would be Dr. Beckett. And more importantly–although she felt guilty for even considering the idea of resorting to intimidation–it wouldn’t be hard to get the skittish Scot to tell if he did know.

She firmly shoved to the back of her mind the niggling thought that the danger wasn’t to Atlantis. Okay, so John was an attractive man; she had Simon and they both had responsibilities to this colony which didn’t involve playing house. No matter how much Rodney might act like a Lost Boy, or John like Peter Pan, that didn’t make her Wendy–sewing shadows back on in exchange for kisses.

The doors to the infirmary hissed open, and familiar voices immediately fell upon her hearing:

“–so what’s got you even snippier than usual?” That was Beckett’s voice, the amused tone one he usually reserved for–

“First of all, I am not ‘snippy,'” McKay shot back snippily.

“Aye, and I’m the Stone of Scone.”

“Huh. Had a lot of kings crowned on your ass, have you?” Rodney huffed and Elizabeth had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing out loud and giving herself away. “I had…something of a nightmare last night,” he finally admitted.

“Oh? About what, may I ask?”

McKay mumbled a reply that she couldn’t make out, but it made the doctor chuckle. “From how you’ve described Major Carter, I hardly think that a dream about her would be a nightmare.”

“Yeah, well, normally in my dreams she’s not trying to break it to me gently that she’s decided to dump me for Teal’c,” Rodney snapped.

“Ahhhhh,” Carson exhaled wisely. “From that I take it your little pet project’s not been goin’ so well?”

“Ha ha, very funny. But of course you never have any sympathy for me when I’m dying, so why should I expect you to sympathize with my plight when I’m trying to help a friend? Which reminds me, there’s something I need to take care of…”

Beckett sighed as McKay started to move off. “I don’t want to know…”

Trying to help a friend. Oh he was trying all right–very trying sometimes! Seething quietly even though a very big part of her wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all, Elizabeth ducked into the shadows and waited until he’d stormed by, muttering to himself and not even seeing her there, before she slipped into the infirmary to confront Dr. Beckett.

She was almost one hundred percent certain that she was right about what McKay was up to, but that one percent of doubt had conspired with her annoyance to banish any qualms about pressing the doctor for that last little kernel of assurance.

“Carson.”

He glanced up from a microscope to smile a little too brightly at her. “Good afternoon, Dr. Weir. What can I do for you?”

Weir smiled slyly. “Actually, I was looking for Dr. McKay. He’s been behaving rather strangely lately, and I’m a bit worried about him.”

“Is that so?” Beckett visibly fidgeted. “Actually, he just left. I’m surprised you didn’t pass him on the way in.”

“I did,” was the dry response, “but I’ve decided he probably wouldn’t tell me what I want to know.”

“Oh?” he almost squeaked. “And what might that be?”

Satisfied that he’d walked straight into her trap, Elizabeth folded her arms across her chest and assumed her most authoritative pose, one that–she hoped–brooked no denials. “Carson, is Rodney trying to set me up with Major Sheppard?”

Beckett started to stammer, which as far as she was concerned was an affirmative answer, even though the words that came out were a denial. “W-why, w-where would you get such a-an idea?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she answered breezily. “Maybe because the last three times Rodney has called Major Sheppard and I to meet him somewhere for an ’emergency’ meeting, he’s never shown up and neither has anyone else. Not to mention this last time, the power conveniently failed for a good forty-five minutes to an hour before we could get out of the room, and probably would’ve been longer if I hadn’t almost threatened him.”

Carson shook his head and turned away from her, muttering something under his breath about “no concept of subtlety.”

“Carson?” she repeated.

He hedged. “Well…his heart’s in the right place…you’ve got to give him credit for that much…”

A skeptical retort was on Elizabeth’s lips when McKay’s voice came over the PA system again: “Dr. Weir and Major Sheppard to the Control Room, please; Dr. Weir and Major Sheppard to the control room.”

Weir shot an exasperated glance towards the doctor, who had his head bowed sheepishly, unable or unwilling to meet her eyes. “I swear, if the control room is vacant when I get there except for John Sheppard? I might very seriously consider handing Rodney over to the Genii.”


“So what’s the emergency?” That impatient voice belonged to Major Sheppard.

“How the hell should I know? Halling didn’t say, he just said that you and Dr. Weir were needed to help sort things out.” That irritable one was McKay’s.

She had to hand it to him–for once, he’d come up with something a little more original than locking them in a room together. It wasn’t exactly a short trip to the mainland by puddle jumper, and if they bought into Rodney’s little ruse, they’d be spending it alone together. Still, John sounded about ready to jump down the scientist’s throat, so she made her prescence known.

“What seems to be the problem here?”

The two men turned to look at her. “Apparently the Athosians desperately need our help with some emergency,” the Major stated, his snide emphasis on “emergency” not going unnoticed. “But Dr. McKay conveniently forgot to ask what the emergency was.”

“Hey, I’m just the messenger,” McKay protested.

“And I’m tempted to shoot him. Again,” Sheppard fired back.

“Major, Doctor–please.” Then again, sometimes she did feel like Wendy, playing mother to her charges. She turned to Rodney, who looked relieved at her intervention. “Now, Rodney…are you sure Halling said he needed to speak to Major Sheppard and me?”

“Yes, Elizabeth, I’m sure. I’m sorry I didn’t bother to ask for details–”

She held up a staying hand, cutting him off mid-whine. “It’s all right.” They’d just have to play along–at the very least, it would give her more than enough time to explain to the Major what was going on and come up with something to do about it. “We’ll check it out. But in the future I think it would be best if you provided us with all the relevant information and let us decide whether or not it’s an emergency, all right?”

Rodney looked dismayed, but nodded glumly in agreement.

Weir glanced over at Sheppard. He didn’t look very happy about the arrangement, but she could tell by the change in his posture the minute he decided to go along with her compromise. “I’ll go get Teyla.”

“What? No! You can’t!” McKay blurted out. “She’s, um…she’s already there. In fact, she’s the one who called. Yeah.”

Now that was a bald-faced lie, and all three of them knew it. Not only had Rodney been insisting for the past five minutes that he’d spoken to Halling, but Elizabeth had seen Teyla herself not five minutes ago, in Atlantis when she’d been trying to track him down. Beckett was right; the man really did have absolutely no concept of subtlety.

Before John could point this out, she laid a restraining hand on his shoulder. “All right,” she agreed in a quiet, hopefully calming voice. “We’ll take Jumper One.”


“Okay, now I know you know what’s going on,” Sheppard pointed out wryly as he slid into the pilot’s seat of the puddle-jumper and turned his sharp, perceptive eyes onto the woman next to him.

Elizabeth sighed deeply. “I do. And to be perfectly honest, that’s why I agreed to this little charade, to give us a chance to figure out what to do about it.”

He nodded almost eagerly. “So?”

Now that the moment had come, she balked, suddenly finding herself almost paralyzed by embarrassment. Shouldn’t John have figured it out for himself by now? Surely if she had, he could have…unless he just wanted to hear her say it. Confirm it.

She felt the color rising in her face, warming her cheeks and ears until she had to look away from him. “Apparently…” Take a deep breath. Spit it out. “…Dr. McKay has gotten it into his head to play matchmaker.”

“Matchmaker?” John’s eyebrows both rose. “You mean…you and me?”

The flush deepened and she ducked her head under the pretense of answering his question with a nod.

The Major snorted softly. “Well, he’s not very good at it.”

“Well, subtlety never has been Rodney’s strong suit,” she admitted.

“No, really?”

That made Elizabeth smile in spite of herself. “So what do we do about it? Sit him down and try to talk him out of it when we get back to Atlantis?”

Sheppard’s face screwed up into a look of concentration that was surprisingly adorable…and Elizabeth mentally slapped herself, horrified by the thought. Dear God, she hoped Rodney’s pathetically obvious little scheme wasn’t actually working. Simon, think about Simon–dear, sweet, faithful, understanding Simon…who was thousands of light years away and had no way of knowing if she was ever coming back.

If it wouldn’t be a dead giveaway with the present company, she would’ve dropped her face in her hands and groaned.

John shook his head. “Nah, I don’t think that’d work. Once McKay gets something into his head…”

True. Despite his sometimes wishy-washy facade, Rodney McKay could be surprisingly stubborn when he really got his mind or heart set on something. Like his persistent, insistent belief that there was something between him and Samantha Carter, despite the fact that everyone she’d ever spoken to who’d seen the two of them together insisted that the Lieutenant Colonel barely tolerated the poor man.

“I’ve got a better idea,” the Major suggested. “Why don’t we turn the tables on him? Mess with his head a little instead?”

“And how exactly do you propose we do that?” Weir asked dubiously.

“We just pretend it worked,” he answered blithely.

That’s what she’d been afraid of. “WHAT?”

John raised a defensive hand. “Now, just hear me out. For a couple of weeks, we pretend it worked, just long enough for him to get the urge out of his system. Then we have a big old knock-down, drag-out fight, spend three or four days not speaking to each other, then ‘make up’ and tell him we’ve decided that we’re better off as friends, and so is Atlantis.”

The plan was just crazy enough to work, but still…”Is that really necessary?”

He shrugged. “Well, maybe not knock-down, drag-out–a nice loud shouting match ought to have the same effect.”

“I meant the whole plan, Major.”

He raised a scolding finger to her. “Now, see? If this is going to work, the first thing you need to do is start calling me by my name, like you do with everyone else. And not just when you think I’m dying. It’s John.”

She took a deep breath and looked–really looked–at him. “You really think this will work?”

John shrugged. “What’s the worst that could happen? We give the rumor mill something to talk about for a few days. It’s worth a try, don’t you think, Lizzie?”

Now that earned him her sharpest glare. “First of all, if you ever call me that again, your little knock-down, drag-out fight won’t be an act. Elizabeth–my name is Elizabeth.”

He just grinned cheekily and she got the sinking feeling she hadn’t heard the last of this by a long shot. When they got back to Atlantis, brains of the operation or no, Rodney was a dead man.

Deliberately shelving her annoyance, she asked, “All right, so we’re officially on a first name basis now. What else?”

“Well…we’re going to have to make it look convincing…”

“You mean…” Oh no. He couldn’t mean…Elizabeth’s eyes widened in horror. “Oh no! Maj–John, even if we were really involved, I would never engage in…that kind of public displays of affection in front of the whole city!”

“Well, even McKay’s gonna get suspicious if we only ever play it up around him,” Sheppard pointed out with infuriating logic. “But I bet it would never even occur to him that we’d be faking it in front of everybody.”

Oh God. She couldn’t do this. There had to be a simpler, less potentially mortifying way to deal with this. “I think Rodney knows me well enough to know I would never do such a thing,” she insisted.

“So tell him we decided it’d be good for morale, let everyone know it’s okay to make new ties here instead of putting our lives on hold until we find a way back.”

Damn him: that was not only a logical excuse, it was a logical argument too. “And our shouting match and not speaking to each other for three or four days–how is that going to boost morale?”

He shrugged. “So we wait until we’re sure it won’t negatively affect things too much.”

It was a good plan. It was a very good plan, and the look on Rodney’s face when and if he figured out what they were up to would almost be worth giving it a try all by itself. That still didn’t reduce her apprehension.

Setting the puddle-jumper on the Ancient equivalent of cruise control, John turned to really look at her. “So. Convincing.”

Elizabeth took a deep, shaking breath and let it out slowly. “Right.”

“If we’re going to pull this off, we can’t be stiff or awkward with each other,” he pointed out with that same damned irrefutable logic. “That’d be a dead giveaway.”

Steeling herself, Weir nodded firmly, then squared her shoulders and raised her chin. “Agreed.”

Rising from his seat, Sheppard closed the small distance between them and placed a hand on either side of her–one on the back of her chair, and on the console in front of her–so she was trapped in her seat and he was well within her personal space.

Oh God. He was going to kiss her. This was wrong–they shouldn’t be doing this, and for God’s sake, she shouldn’t be this nervous about it!

The cheeky grin reappeared and John’s eyes twinkled so close above hers that they were almost starting to blur. “If it helps any,” he suggested in an equally cheeky tone, “just close your eyes and think of Atlantis.”

Helplessly, her face blossomed into a smile at the sly joke, and it was that smile that he captured in a kiss.

For one minute, Elizabeth’s heart just about stopped with the shock, then picked up again triple-time. Her head spun, and even if her mouth hadn’t been otherwise occupied she had a feeling she’d be having trouble breathing.

John Sheppard was a damned good kisser!

When he finally released her, Weir gasped for breath, glad she was already sitting down.

He smiled at her again, more gently this time. “So how was that? Not too awkward?”

“I…I…” the woman who spoke seven languages and had a gift for making even the most stubborn enemies see a middle ground found herself struck almost speechless. “I’m…not sure. Maybe we should try again…just in case…”

Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard after all. Elizabeth sent out a silent plea that Simon would forgive her as John promptly leaned in and followed orders.


“It worked!”

Beckett looked up, startled, as McKay almost bounced into the infirmary with a smug grin the size of a puddle-jumper eating up half his face. “What are you blatherin’ on about, Rodney?”

“It worked,” Rodney repeated slowly, enunciating every word. “Okay, so I also got yelled at over the fact that Holling had no idea what I was talking about, so next time I’ll have to remember to get his cooperation first, but that’s irrelevant. The point is…” He pointed gleefully in the direction of the ‘Gate room and jumper bay. “…that Elizabeth and Major Sheppard stepped out of that jumper holding hands and have openly admitted that ‘things have changed’ since they left for the mainland.” He bounced twice on the balls of his feet and grinned cockily at the doctor.

Carson shook his head in disbelief. They what? Surely Dr. Weir and the Major couldn’t be so stupid as to fall for Rodney’s little scheme, especially when he knew that Weir at least had him figured out…

“Are you sure they’re not just foolin’ with you?” he asked dubiously. “I mean, Dr. Weir strikes me as the kind of woman who’d be a wee bit more discreet than what you’re describin’–look how long she kept it from all of us that she had someone back home.”

McKay nodded impatiently. “Yes, yes. As a matter of fact, I asked her about that. She said they decided it would be good for morale, encourage others to loosen up a little and settle in for the long haul, since going back doesn’t appear to be an option any time soon.”

That made sense. For that matter, this whole bloody thing made a little too much sense, except for the part about Rodney’s involvement. That was what made him suspicious.

“Still, I’d be careful about congratulatin’ yourself too soon–” he started to caution his friend, but the other man brushed him off with a brusque ‘pfft.’

“Face it–you just can’t admit that I was right and that I didn’t need your help after all.”

Beckett shook his head as McKay stormed off in a huff. “Suit yourself,” he sighed. “But I think you’re givin’ Dr. Weir and the Major far too little credit.”


The fight was scheduled for today.

It had been a week since they’d put their plan into action, and so far it was working spectacularly. Rodney was ecstatic, walking around Atlantis more cocky than ever as if he’d just won a bull fight, and morale really had improved dramatically. She’d even been privy to witnessing a few other romances blossom that had been waiting in the wings for her blessing, whether tacit or explicit.

Truth be told, Elizabeth Weir was happier than she’d been in a very long time, and not just because of the whole scheme’s affect on her people. For the past week, she’d been spending almost every free moment with John, and he’d gone out of his way to make those moments enjoyable, whether it was stealing a kiss where they knew someone would see, curling up together to watch his football game yet again, or falling asleep in each other’s arms so a real midnight emergency wouldn’t give away the game.

The best part, however, was that it meant she’d spent almost no time thinking and worrying about Simon, agonizing over whether or not he’d ever forgive her for deserting him.

She didn’t want it to end.

Elizabeth strongly suspected her heart was laughing at her. All these years of guarding it so carefully, being stubbornly faithful to the man she had abandoned and ignoring the subtle whispers of sweet potential between herself and the man who shared the burden of leading this city, and in just a week she’d fallen into her own trap.

She’d fallen in love.

Before this week, she’d never realized–never allowed herself to realize–how heavily she relied on John in both the ordinary and extraordinary demands of leading a small human settlement in a faraway galaxy, or how much he trusted her judgment sometimes over his own despite his reputation as a maverick. They’d been each other’s strength on the job for almost three years, but it took allowing herself to take comfort in that strength off the job as well to realize how badly she truly needed it.

Which left her with a dilemma. In just a few hours, they were supposed to dramatically and unequivocally throw that all away. And she didn’t want to.

That was why she was nervously standing outside the door to John’s quarters, trying to summon up the courage to tell him that and hoping beyond hope that he had succumbed to the illusion just as much as she had.

She’d raised her hand to ring the door chime yet again when the door swung open of its own accord and John startled her by appearing in the opening. His eyes widened in surprise. “Hey. I was just coming to look for you.”

Elizabeth smiled sheepishly. “Great minds think alike.” Great, now she was reduced to spouting tired old cliches. You really have got it bad, Elizabeth.

They just stood there, staring at each other awkwardly for a moment before he stepped aside, gesturing for her to enter. “Come on in.”

Stepping past him into the room where she’d spent a good half of her nights this past week, she couldn’t quite supress a shiver. As the door closed, she turned to face him. “John–”

“Look, Liz–” he started at the same time, then they both stopped awkwardly and let out an uneasy laugh. Well, at least she’d gotten him to give up ‘Lizzie,’ even if he did still sometimes insist on ‘Liz,’ which wasn’t much better. “Sorry about that,” he started to apologize with a wry smile. “You were saying–”

“You first,” she cut him off a little more shortly than she’d intended. Let him say what he had to say first, then if he was determined to go through with the plan she’d do so without a word of protest.

John grimaced, but nodded. “Do you think we could maybe…I dunno, postpone this fight we’re supposed to have? Coupla days, coupla weeks…hell, indefinitely?”

Elizabeth’s heart flipped, and her voice came out surprisingly soft: “I was hoping you’d say that.”

A glimmer of hope appeared in his eyes. “You were? You mean…?”

She nodded, a shy smile creeping onto her face. “I don’t know who I should kill first–you, for suggesting this crazy scheme, or Rodney for getting the ball rolling in the first place.”

John just grinned almost giddily at her, reaching for her face. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I can’t think of a way I’d rather go.”

Her heart was doing its best imitation of a snare drum by now, but she forced her face to assume a scolding expression, even though the twinkle in her eyes belied it. “You do realize what this means, don’t you? It means Rodney won.”

His grin broadened about three sizes. “Nah. It means we won. Game, set and match.”

Then, he kissed her. For real.

 

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Fic: The Maverick (SGA, Sheppard/Weir)

Author’s Note: Elizabeth’s list of men she’s not attracted to is strictly for the purpose of this story. I ‘ship her equally with several of the men on that list. Thanks to Jo for the beta!


She blames Top Gun.

The cocky flyboy with the flyaway dark hair…she doesn’t know if John Sheppard consciously modeled himself on the 80s movie icon–probably not considering the Air Force is most definitely not the Navy–but the parallels are there and for her they’re particularly difficult to miss since Top Gun has long been a guilty pleasure. She’s watched it more times than the former anti-military lobbyist in her cares to admit, and as far as Elizabeth is concerned, that means the movie is entirely to blame for the fact that she has such a hard time saying no to a certain Lieutenant Colonel. She was conditioned fairly early in life to have a weak spot for the maverick, as was every other young woman going to the movies in 1986.

Of course, she lost what little interest she had in Tom Cruise somewhere between Eyes Wide Shut and Mission Impossible 2, but Maverick (with a capital M) is another matter entirely. Maverick is an icon; Maverick is eternal. And thanks to the ATA gene, she has a Maverick all her own.

Half the time she finds herself wondering how Kelly McGillis resisted the temptation to slap that smug but charming smile off her flyboy’s face. The other half of the time…well, she can’t quite picture John roaring through the halls of Atlantis and up to her quarters on a motorbike, but she sure wouldn’t mind re-enacting the rest of that scene. It’s a fantasy that not only runs counter to everything she wants to appear as to the team she leads, but that has a nasty habit of popping up and distracting her at the most inconvenient times–like in briefings when John’s hair is being even more uncooperative than usual. Or if for some reason he’s wearing his old flight jacket instead of his base uniform, or even just a pair of sunglasses.

Mentally undressing her second in command while Rodney’s trying to explain some new gadget that they discovered is not exactly the mark of a calm, collected leader in full control of both herself and the situation. Not to mention it’s completely out of character for her as well. Elizabeth Weir doesn’t turn into a flustered schoolgirl every time a subordinate walks into the room. Elizabeth Weir doesn’t get distracted by sexual fantasies in the middle of a briefing instead of paying attention, particularly not when she’s just recently split up with her boyfriend of several years. And she certainly isn’t attracted to military men–Stephen Caldwell, Hank Landry, Jack O’Neill and Cameron Mitchell do absolutely nothing for her, despite being attractive in their own right.

John Sheppard himself is as much a menace as he is an invaluable resource and ally, and when he’s at his most Maverick-like? The thoughts she entertains about him are far from romantic. So there’s really no other logical explanation for why he remains her closest friend, her secret fantasy, and her weakness.

It has to be the movie.

 

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Fic: The Heart of Atlantis (SGA, Sheppard/Weir)

Author’s Note: I wrote this after rewatching “Atlantis: The Lost Empire” because the same thought occurred to me that occurs to John in this story. Only, y’know, without the romantic undertones. 😉


But on the other hand, she’s all they have
She is a diamond in their dull gray lives
And that’s the hardest kind of stone
It usually survives
–Evita

But there’s a lighthouse in a harbor
Shining faithfully
Pouring its light out across the water
For this sinking soul to see
That someone out there still believes in me
–When You Come Back to Me Again


The day John Sheppard arrived in Colorado Springs after accepting the assignment to the Atlantis mission, he went to Blockbuster and rented Disney’s Atlantis: the Lost Empire. Not because he really expected to learn anything from it–except maybe what sort of people would mount an expedition to find Atlantis, and what was likely to happen to them–but mostly because it just seemed wrong, somehow, to go to Atlantis without knowing something about the legend other than the name.

It wasn’t exactly great art, but he hadn’t really been expecting great art, so that didn’t stop him from enjoying it. He got a kick out of the main character–Milo what’s-his-face–especially having had a few conversations with Dr. Jackson. And while he’d never admit it to anyone but himself, a small part of the reason why he’d trusted Teyla so quickly was because she reminded him of the princess, Kida. And hey, who wouldn’t want to have an Atlantean princess on their team?

But most of what he’d gotten from the movie would soon be swept away by the reality of Atlantis: the beauty beyond anything Earth ever had to offer and the day to day struggle to keep themselves and the city alive in a hostile galaxy. On the odd occasion that he he did think about it, he was surprised by what lingered most vividly in his memory–the Heart of Atlantis, the jewel-like power source that kept the fictional city alive and protected.

At first he thought it was because they lacked that type of power source. On every mission, always lurking at the back of his mind was the need to find a ZPM–preferably more than one. Then he noticed that it wasn’t on missions that he tended to think about the thing. Rather, the bright jewel was more likely to pop into his mind when he was on Atlantis: in the Gate room or in a briefing, watching Elizabeth or even moreso…watching the way people responded to Elizabeth.

Zelenka had a crush on her, that much was obvious. Grodin too, and McKay…well, McKay treated her with respect which said a lot about how he felt, considering it was more than he gave anyone else. Sometimes John thought the entire male population of Atlantis was smitten with her, himself included. With the possible exception of Kavanaugh, who wasn’t smitten with anyone except himself.

As for the women, well, it wasn’t him Teyla rushed to defend when he and Elizabeth had that little falling out over the quarantine. There was a healthy heaping of respect and admiration for Dr. Weir in the female quarter too.

She wasn’t perfect–if anyone should knew that, he did. If his flaw was rushing in where angels fear to tread, Elizabeth by contrast could sometimes be too cautious. He might shoot first and ask questions later, but sometimes he thought her aversion to violence was going to be her downfall; he dreaded the day she would realize there was no other option too late to avert disaster.

But if there was one thing she did, and did right–one thing that he’d never been good at and would always be a little in awe of–it was making every single member of the expedition feel important. She knew each and every one of them by name; she had more faith in them and their capabilities than they had in themselves; she took every death personally and she took personal responsibility for every life. Sacrificing one–any one–for the good of the many was unacceptable to her, and that was why she fought the inevitable until the last second even if it meant her own destruction. It drove him crazy but it also daily cemented his commitment to her, and he knew pretty much everyone else in the city felt the same.

There was a song, once, in a movie an old girlfriend dragged him too against his will years ago, that had a line that went, “she is a diamond.” That was how he saw Elizabeth Weir. She was the toughest jewel he’d ever known, and though he could sometimes see in her eyes the doubts she always tried to hide, he had nothing but admiration for how every pound of pressure just seemed to make her shine brighter. Sometimes–on the rare occasion that he was home to watch her fight for her city and her people, and not one of the ones on the other side of the Gate that she was fighting for–he could swear he’d even seen her glow with an inner light so bright it was almost blinding.

And when he did, it made him smile. Because he might still be searching the galaxy for a power source, but he’d already found the Heart of Atlantis.

 

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Fic: The Hot Seat (SGA, gen)

Author’s Note: Written because I was unhappy with the abrupt ending of a certain conversation in the episode “Hot Zone.” I felt that John needed to hear what Elizabeth had to say, so I let her say it.


Having presented their chilling news, Doctors McKay and Beckett promptly left the way they’d come, and Sheppard rose to follow them.

“Sit down, Major.” The quiet command in Weir’s voice stopped him halfway to the door. “I’m not finished with you yet.”

He turned back to face her, a pained expression on his face. “Look, Elizabeth…”

“Don’t ‘Elizabeth’ me,” Weir responded firmly. “You’re not going to charm your way out of this one. I meant what I said–it can’t happen again.”

John let out a deep sigh and reluctantly resumed his seat.

“I get that you’re a maverick,” she stated in a quietly sympathetic but unyielding tone, folding her arms across her chest as she studied him with a piercing look that made him deeply uncomfortable. “I understand that you do what you feel is right and damn the consequences. I’m even beginning to suspect that the only reason you joined the Air Force in the first place was for all the cool toys.”

The accuracy of that statement made him flinch a little.

“I understand that,” Elizabeth reiterated, “and to a certain degree I respect it. If I hadn’t, I would never have asked you to join this mission, Ancient gene or no.” She leaned forward, propping her elbows up on the desk, folding her hands and staring him straight in the eyes. “But when I asked you to join this team, you weren’t the ranking military officer.”

That made him flinch more than a little. “You don’t need to remind me–”

“Don’t I?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “You may have no respect for the chain of command, Major, but I should hope I don’t need to remind you that most of your men do. They’ll follow your lead, come hell or high water, and right now the example you’re setting is that it’s okay to ignore my orders if you disagree with them.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but closed it again when he realized he really couldn’t. He had ignored her orders, he grudgingly admitted. Worse, he’d directly countermanded them, in front of a subordinate. And if he was honest with himself, he’d gotten a certain grim, not exactly unselfish satisfaction out of forcing Bates to take his side in this argument.

But damn it, he still believed he’d done the right thing. Okay, so things had gotten out of control for a little while–they’d fixed it before anyone else got hurt. And if he had still been locked in the gym, he wouldn’t have been able to take that reactor up into the atmosphere and detonate it.

“Let me put it another way,” Elizabeth sighed, leaning back again and letting her hands drop to the desk. “Where would the United States be if the Joint Chiefs suddenly decided one day to start ignoring the President’s orders?”

“Well, for one thing we wouldn’t have gotten bogged down in Iraq,” Sheppard quipped.

Elizabeth frowned. “John…” she stated, exasperated.

He raised his hands in a peacemaking gesture. “Okay, I get your point.”

“I don’t think you do,” she argued, still frowning. “Because the point I’m trying to make is that as long as we’re cut off from Earth, I am your Commander in Chief. I’ve given you a lot of leeway because I trust you to do your job. But I also trusted you to respect my ability to do mine. If my leniency has led you to believe you have no one to answer to, then maybe that decision was a mistake.”

He frowned, a knot of apprehension tightening in his stomach. “So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I want to trust you, but I don’t know if I can if you’re not willing to afford me the same courtesy.”

“I told you, I do trust you–”

“But you don’t trust my judgment. Or at least not as much as you trust your own,” she interrupted with another one of those keen, piercing looks. “Tell me, Major, when you defied orders to try to save those men in Afghanistan, did you succeed?”

“Well, no, but–”

“Did it ever occur to you that the reason you were ordered not to try was because your superior had the foresight to know the mission probably wouldn’t be a success, and wasn’t willing to risk your life to prove it?”

It was hard to miss the echo of their first argument, over whether or not to send a rescue mission after Sumner, Bates, and the Athosians. The similarity was reinforced by her next words: “I let you go after our people who were taken by the Wraith because you gave me what I asked for–a fighting chance. What made you so certain I wouldn’t have done the same this time once I could be sure it wouldn’t endanger any more of our people?”

She was making excellent point after excellent point, but John Sheppard was stubborn, and more than a little proud too. Traits that had gotten him into trouble in the past, he knew that, but that didn’t make it any easier to let go. “We were on a deadline–no pun intended.”

“Yes, we were,” Elizabeth stated softly. “A deadline that you shortened by giving Peterson access to that transporter.”

A long, uncomfortable silence followed.

“I think we’ve done a good job of leading this expedition together,” she affirmed quietly. “We make a good team. But we have to stand together, which means one of us has to bend once in a while and like it or not, sometimes it has to be you. This isn’t a game, John. This is life and death. Two hundred people have placed their lives in my hands–mine, not just yours–and we’ve already lost too many of them. And if you think for an instant I’m not constantly aware of that, that I don’t weigh those lives–all of those lives, not just the ones already in danger–against every decision I make, then maybe I was wrong to trust you.”

“You weren’t,” he vowed. “Look, I’m not…I’m not good at this. I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try.”

“That’s not good enough,” she sighed. “Not in the long run. But it’s a start.”

Weir turned her head away for a long moment, not saying anything. When she spoke again, it was without looking at him. “You may go now.”

Without a single characteristic word of protest, Sheppard stood and quietly left the office.

 

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Fic: Life Lessons (SGA, Weir/McKay)

Author’s Note: Written before any details of Elizabeth’s backstory were revealed, so I made up my own. Thanks again to Meg for her enthusiastic beta.


Elizabeth stays calm in a crisis. She learned that when she was sixteen and her mother collapsed from a burst aneurysm while getting ready for a Valentine’s Day dinner with her father. He was too distraught to even call 911, let alone handle the funeral arrangements after they knew she was dead. David was in medical school and Michael in grad school on the other side of the country and neither would be back in time to help. So, Elizabeth became the grown-up. And when a year later Dad finally snapped out of it and remembered it was his job to take care of her instead of the other way around, she couldn’t remember how to be a teenager anymore.

Elizabeth can negotiate anything. She learned that after Mom died, when Dad took all his grief and anger out on Michael for failing to find a job immediately upon graduation, even though there weren’t many openings for a research librarian in Pacific, Missouri. The concessions she won from Dad in that long struggle were what made it possible for Michael to take the job that was offered to him in Los Angeles and leave them all behind.

Elizabeth knows that life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. She learned that when the paramedics who worked with David made it out to their farm in five impossible minutes, but there was still nothing they could do to save her. Even though they loved Mom–who always made sure to stop by the station once a week with home-baked cookies for her son and his colleagues–almost as much as her family did.

Elizabeth never judges people based on first impressions. She learned that when the obnoxious shift leader that everyone hated was the first to break down in tears when they realized they couldn’t revive her. She learned it again when he was the first at the funeral to pull David into his arms and hold him while he cried. And it was ingrained into her in a way she’d never forget when two years later, David brought him home for Thanksgiving. It wasn’t the sort of thing you talked about back then, publicly or privately, but she knew and she silently thanked him for taking care of her brother.

Elizabeth is a firm believer in making your own destiny, through sheer force of will if you have to. She learned that from watching her father believe the worst about everything for months after her mother’s death, and usually meet his expectations. She learned it worked the other way, too, from watching Michael dig himself out of his depression every morning and go looking for a job even though neither he nor Dad believed he would find one. But he did.

Elizabeth’s trying to remember those lessons now, but her heart is thumping in her throat, all her rational, persuasive words seem to have deserted her, she feels terrified and helpless but can’t face the possibility of losing this time, and while she’s trying to look past the gun pressed against the soft underside of Rodney’s jaw and see the scared young man holding it, she’s failing miserably.

This isn’t the first time they’ve captured one of the Genii–Sora was with them for months before she finally decided to send the girl home, both as a gesture of goodwill and in hopes that she would be a voice of reason to her people. Somehow this young man doesn’t seem to know that, and has decided that taking a hostage–especially a hostage as valuable as Dr. Rodney McKay–is the only way he’s going to make it out of Atlantis alive.

She should sympathize with that, coax and reassure him and promise him he’ll be safe if he just puts the gun down. That they don’t want to hurt him.

But for once, she can’t. Can’t speak, can’t coax, can’t believe, can’t accept. She doesn’t care that he’s afraid, doesn’t want to promise him anything, she just hates him.

Elizabeth hates him for the way Rodney’s throat convulses against the barrel of the weapon as he swallows nervously. She hates him for the way one of Rodney’s arms is hanging limp at his side where the younger man dislocated it in the struggle. She hates him for the blood running down Rodney’s face from where the Geni boy broke his nose.

If John Sheppard were to ask her permission at this moment to put a bullet through the boy’s brain, she’d let him and not lose any sleep tonight.

But miraculously, before she can act or react with uncharacteristic violence…Rodney is talking. Not in the hysterical tone they’re used to hearing when he’s in danger, but calmly. Rationally. Promising the boy all the things she can’t promise him. Ignoring his own pain. Getting through to the very person who’s holding a gun to his head.

When his captor finally lets go with a sound of wordless, anguished resignation, dropping the weapon to the floor of the Gate room and sagging into the hands of Bates’ security team, Elizabeth runs to Rodney’s side. Pulls him carefully into her arms so as not to jostle the wounded shoulder.

“Oh my God…” she whispers numbly, gratefully, closing her eyes and burying her face in his neck. She’s learned something else about herself today: that this man’s life is more important to her than her own. “Rodney…that was amazing.”

He smiles weakly at her and returns the embrace with his good arm. “I learned it from you.”

 

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Fic: Painted Ladies (SGA, gen)

Author’s Note: This was the result of downloading several large promo images of Teyla and noticing a subtle but distinct difference between the earlier and later ones. And yes, I have Teyla and Elizabeth acting a little girly, what of it? I happen to be a girly girl and proud of it, so why shouldn’t they be sometimes? *grin*


It was something that she had noticed almost immediately, but it had taken her some time to find the courage to broach the subject. She did not know why–perhaps it was a reluctance to show her ignorance, but that did not seem likely since she was ignorant of many things that the Atlanteans took for granted. Just as they too were ignorant of many things about this place; of the two, her ignorance seemed by far the less important.

Still, she was eager to learn and her new friends had never yet been reluctant to teach her. But this…this seemed different, somehow: as though she were inquiring into some deeply personal ritual too sacred to speak of, as no one ever did.

It was for that reason that, even though she noticed it immediately, it took Teyla some time to approach Dr. Weir with her question, and why she stood outside the Atlantean leader’s door even now, hesitant to announce her presence.

Before she could decide, the door suddenly whooshed open and Dr. Weir stood before her. “Teyla,” the older woman exclaimed, sounding…well, not displeased. “This is a surprise.”

“If there is somewhere you need to be–” the Athosian stated hurriedly, uncomfortably eager for an excuse to forget her strange errand.

Weir shook her head firmly. “Not at all–I was just heading down to the mess hall to grab a cup of coffee.”

“Then I will return at a later time,” Teyla offered in a rush. The last thing she wished was to broach her inquiry in public and unwittingly violate whatever code of silence surrounded this peculiar custom. “I had hoped to speak with you privately.”

Elizabeth laid a hand on her arm and smiled. “It can wait. I’ve had my first cup of the day already–withdrawal shouldn’t set in for another few hours.”

That was something else Teyla did not understand–the Atlanteans’ dependence on the bitter brown drink, and the self-deprecating humor with which they regarded the habit. Major Sheppard had insisted that she would if she only finished her cup, but she much preferred the taste of her own people’s tea, at least for the moment.

Dr. Weir stepped aside. “Please, come in.”

Robbed of excuses, Teyla set aside the coffee question, did as she was bidden and entered the room, her eyes taking in its decorations as she did so. The Atlantean leader’s room was very different from her own–decorated sparsely and with an eye to order rather than beauty–but it possessed the same methodical grace as its inhabitant and was pleasing in its own way.

The Athosian perched herself gingerly in a chair and waited apprehensively. Dr. Weir took a seat opposite her and folded patient hands, regarding her with diplomatic eyes. “What can I do for you, Teyla?”

“There is a…custom…that I wish to inquire about…” The words came out halting, much to Teyla’s chagrin, but now that she was here it would be shameful to back down from the challenge. “…yet I do not wish to seem disrespectful of your people or their ways, or pry into anything that is…too private.”

The other woman frowned, but more in concentration than disapproval. “I’m pleased that you trusted me enough to come to me about this. I hope you know I would never be offended by anything you need to ask me, no matter how personal. We don’t expect you to know all of our customs on such a short acquaintance.”

Even though that had been her hope, the Athosian woman still felt a deep swell of relief. “I have observed that the women of your culture…paint themselves each day, with different colors.” At the odd look that crossed Dr. Weir’s face, Teyla rushed on, her stomach growing heavy. “I realize it is something you do not speak of, but I do not understand this ritual. Does it have some sort of religious significance?”

For a moment, the Earth woman just stared at her, then much to her surprise and a bit to her affront, she began to laugh.

“Have I said something wrong?” Teyla asked, bewildered and growing angry.

Weir quickly got herself under control. “No. I’m sorry, Teyla, I truly didn’t mean to embarrass you.” She laid a reassuring hand on the younger woman’s arm. “It’s just…the reason we don’t talk about it isn’t because it holds some deep, spiritual significance. It’s because…well…for us, this is something so commonplace, so ordinary, that it just didn’t occur to us. I wasn’t laughing at you–I was laughing at myself for not realizing that it was something you might not have experience with. And I should have–God knows I’ve been to enough countries on my own world where women could hardly afford to buy or use expensive cosmetics.”

The sincerity in her voice made Teyla’s anger subside, but not her confusion. “These…’cosmetics’…”

Patting her arm once, Weir smiled and rose from her seat to disappear for a moment into her small toilet chamber. She returned with a transparent pouch of some material Teyla had never seen before, packed with tubes and flat, shiny cases of all shapes, sizes and colors.

“This,” the doctor explained, “is what we call ‘make-up,’ or as I said before, ‘cosmetics.’ Its purpose…well, I suppose you could say it’s designed to accentuate your own natural features. For example, eyeliner–” She drew a slender stick with a darker, sharpened core from the bag and held it up to the light. “–draws attention to the eyes and makes them seem larger. Depending on what color you choose to wear, it can also make the color of your eyes appear brighter or more prominent.” She pulled out another tube, then another. “Mascara darkens and appears to lengthen your eyelashes and lipstick makes your lips look darker or fuller, or both, while foundation hides blemishes and problematic variations in your skin. Everything else in that bag serves a similar purpose.”

Teyla frowned, still trying to understand the purpose of all this. “And the men in your culture do not wish also to enhance their natural features?” She had seen none of them decorating their faces in this manner.

Weir’s face turned upwards once again in an expression of merriment, but it was sympathetic not mocking. “On Earth, many cultures draw distinctions between what is proper behavior for men and women. Some of these distinctions are fading, but it’s still difficult for a man to wear makeup even if he wants to. Other men–and some women–will question his masculinity.”

Now Teyla smiled too–she was quite familiar with the value many men placed upon their gender, and upon not being perceived in any way as feminine. It was nice to know that there were some things that did not change no matter what world you were born on.

“Then this…’make up’ does not have a purpose, except to help distinguish male from female?”

“Well…I guess you could say its purpose varies.” Weir explained with another smile, this one slightly secretive. “Some women wear makeup because they believe it makes them more attractive to men. Some of us, on the other hand, do it just to please ourselves, because we like how we look with it better than without it.”

Intrigued, Teyla picked up a tube of what the older woman had called ‘lip stick’ and turned it over in her hands. “And you are among the latter group?”

Weir laughed. “Well, I like to think so anyway.” She tilted her head to one side and studied the Athosian. “You know…you’re very pretty already, Teyla, but you might look nice with a little lipstick and blush…would you be willing to let me try?”

Teyla’s head shot up, her eyes wary. A refusal was on her lips, but then she glanced back down to the pale coral color of the tube in her hands. A very nice color, she had to admit. And what could it hurt, after all, to try it once? Perhaps it would help her to understand her new friends a little better. She nodded dubiously.

After some haggling over what colors to use–Dr. Weir was adamant that it must be something complimentary to Teyla’s natural coloring, lest she look like “some trashy televangelist’s wife,” whatever that was–the application process began. The Athosian was surprised and rather appalled by how interminable it seemed, and only the Atlantean woman’s insistence that it wouldn’t always take this long kept her from abandoning the process before it was completed. Also, only an unshakeable trust in Dr. Weir that had yet to be disproved kept her from flinching when the “eyeliner” was brought into the picture.

While she painted, Dr. Weir kept Teyla occupied with a string of brief anecdotes of her own introduction to ‘make up’–from stealing her mother’s ‘lip stick’ as a child and smearing it all over her face (which it was not meant for, she vowed) to parties where she and her girlhood friends would stay awake late into the night experimenting with their faces and their hair.

The stories were both personal enough and dusty enough in the telling that Teyla suspected they were not something the older woman shared often, and enjoyed a feeling of quiet privilege that meant far more than the ‘make up’ itself, that she had been trusted with them.

Finally, Dr. Weir finished and sat back, satisfied. “There. Let me get you a mirror.”

She disappeared and returned a moment later with a small hand mirror, which Teyla brought up before her face still with a lingering apprehension.

She blinked several times, startled, at the reflection. It was her own face, but there was a subtle, pleasing difference. Her eyes did indeed seem larger and more compelling, her lashes fuller. And the hint of color on her cheeks and lips gave the impression of having just returned from a brisk morning run, or an invigorating workout.

“Well?” Weir asked in a tone of expectant amusement.

“I see,” Teyla said simply. And she did. She saw quite clearly why the Earth women chose to continue this tradition even though Dr. Weir had hinted that it was designed to set them apart from their male counterparts, and not necessarily in a positive manner. For, as the other woman had said, she liked what she saw regardless of whether or not any other person did.

She set down the mirror and turned to the other woman. “I believe I should like to learn more about this ‘make up.'”

 

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Fic: Simple Beginnings (SGA, gen)

Author’s Note: Written for the Beckett ficathon, for featherjean who requested: “Beckett/Teyla friendship, snuggling/hugging.”


It had begun on Hoff. They were preparing to leave, and Major Sheppard had sent her to find Dr. Beckett, which turned out to be more difficult than she had anticipated. After searching most of the medical facility, she was beginning to wonder if he had somehow returned to Atlantis without them when she found him curled up in a dark corner of Perna’s laboratory.

“Doctor? Major Sheppard asked me to find you–we are ready to go.”

He looked up, startled, and she could see that his face was damp, though he hurriedly scrubbed at it as soon as he saw her, guiltily avoiding her gaze. Teyla didn’t know what he thought he saw there, but it must have shamed him for he began to babble a sheepish defense.

“Never understood why it was such a bloody sin for a man to have a good cry if he’s a mind to. After all, it’s not like a few tears can change your anatomy, or your genetic makeup. If you ask me, a man who’s so damned afraid of what crying says about his masculinity isn’t too sure of it to begin with.”

Teyla smiled faintly and took a hesitant step closer, unsure of whether comfort or honesty would be the fairer reply.

The doctor’s blue eyes met hers, and crinkled into a forgiving smile before she had ever spoken a word. “It’s okay, lass. You can say it.”

So, she did, although her tone remained almost apologetic. “I was taught that tears are a weakness, and a warrior must be strong.”

“There you go, then. I’m not a warrior, never claimed to be.” His smile remained gentle and sad, his arms still wrapped tightly around himself. “But if y’ask me, even the strongest person in the world has a right to feel now and again.”

“Such as when he has lost someone dear to him?” she questioned pointedly.

He nodded, blue eyes growing distant and she could tell he was back in the sickroom with Perna as she drew her last breath. “Aye.”

Teyla bowed her head in sympathy. “She was a good woman. Strong and dedicated.”

“Aye, and a bloody fool,” Beckett shot back regretfully. “If only I could’ve gotten through to her–”

“Doctor.” Teyla crouched down beside him, laying a hand gently on his knee. “We all dream of the day when we are free of the Wraith. I cannot say with certainty that my people would not have done the same if we had possessed the same resources.”

He shook his head. “No, Teyla. You’d never let yourselves be so blinded by hope that you disregarded any potential consequences.”

“And yet some would say that is exactly what I have done, by choosing to remain in Atlantis,” she pointed out with an astute gaze.

“It’s not the same,” he insisted stubbornly.

That made her smile, and her hand shifted to gently rub his back. “Very well. It is not the same.”

He leaned into her touch as if craving the comfort it offered, and Teyla awkwardly put both her arms around him. “I don’t know why I came to this bloody place,” he fretted with raw honesty, and she wasn’t sure if the place he meant was Hoff or this galaxy. “Gene or no gene, I’m not cut out for this. I’m a doctor, not a fighter or an explorer, not even a bloody field medic. I’m supposed to be finding cures for cancer or something, not fighting space vampires.”

“I do not know what ‘cancer’ is…” she admitted in a quiet voice. “…but I am glad that you came to Atlantis. I was once told by a very wise friend that a true healer must be able to feel everything his patient suffers, lest he come to care more about the disease than the afflicted. If you did not feel such compassion, only then would you not be ‘cut out for this.’”

His grip on her tightened for a moment in gratitude, then he pulled away and wiped his eyes again with the sleeve of his jacket. “Well. Either way, I suppose there’s no use crying over spilt milk. I’m here now; best make the most of it.”

“It is all we can do,” Teyla agreed with a small smile of her own.

Helping him to his feet, she then watched without comment as he collected himself, finally flashing her a last grateful look. “All right. I’m ready. Just don’t…you won’t tell anyone, will you? I’ve not got any doubts about my manhood, but…”

She couldn’t quite surpress the grin that crept onto her face. “I understand.”

“Good.” He straightened his shoulders and lifted his head with a confidence she wasn’t sure he truly felt. “Oh, and Teyla?”

“Yes?”

“If you ever need a place to cry…where no one will tell you it’s wrong…”

“I will find you,” she promised as the two of them started back towards the Stargate, though it wasn’t a promise she ever expected to have to keep. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“And there’s another thing–when we’re off duty, feel free to call me Carson…”

 

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Fic: Songline (SGA, gen)

Author’s Note: Written after the episode “Critical Mass” aired. Like “Beauty for Ashes,” this story came out of my fascination with the Athosian culture and frustration with how little the show itself seemed to want to explore it. Song names and other Athosian words are loosely taken from Latin, to imply an Ancient origin. The title of the story is shamelessly stolen (with her blessing) from a series of Sentinel stories by Medie, who also provided a last-minute beta. Thanks also to Christina for the moral support she provided.


“These are the songs of our people, Teyla. Learn them well, for they will be your companions in both sorrow and joy.”


It was a saying among their trading partners that Athosian children learned to sing before they learned to speak. Each culture had a different reaction to the constant threat of the Wraith, and the Athosians responded by embracing the beautiful things in life: surrounding themselves with art, music and ritual. Most of them were nursed not only on their mother’s milk, but also upon the melodious sound of her voice.

Teyla Emmagen never knew either one. She was born in the midst of a culling; her mother, too weak from the birthing to make it to the caves, handed their child to her father and begged him to save her life. Tegan did as she bade him, and never saw his wife again. It was assumed she was culled by the Wraith, along with the mother–Teyla’s grandmother–who refused to leave her daughter’s side, even though at the age of forty she was considered nearly honorata, one blessed by the Ancestors with a long life unseen by the Wraith. She sacrificed that honor to die by her daughter’s side, just as that daughter gave up her life to save her own child.

The people of Athos mourned Emma Teryagen and Terya Aryngen, but they adopted young Teyla as one of their own: as was tradition for a child born during a culling, she was hailed as a blessing and a talisman of good fortune, life snatched from the grasp of death. The people of her village vowed to share the responsibilities that would have fallen to the mother she had lost.

So it was that Charin Martagen came to be young Teyla’s tutor, chosen to teach her the ancient songs of her people.


“First, the Laments: the songs of mourning for those lost to the Wraith. There are nine: one for a parent, one for a child, one for a sibling, one for a cousin, one for a friend, one for a lover, one for an honorata, one for a family, and one for a village. Learn them well, Teyla, and perhaps if you are fortunate, you will live to see a day when they are no longer needed.”


Strike. Block. Spin. Feint. Teyla moved through the familiar patterns, all her thoughts focused on the sticks in her hands, on the burning in her muscles that was so much less than the steady ache of pain in her chest. Closing her eyes, she could see her father’s face–hear him coaxing, scolding, reminding her to flow as though the weapons in her hands were part of her body.

She wished for a while to forget that she it was something she would never see again.

Strike. Block. Spin. Feint. Do not think about the elders, shut up together in Maron’s doma, arguing in low whispers about her request–no, demand–that she be chosen to sing the Laments for those lost in this culling. She is too young, one would argue. Yet she is Tegan’s daughter, another would respond (she hoped). If he lived, he would be the one to sing Lament for the culled–it is only right that his daughter should be granted the honor, at least until a new leader can be chosen. Especially since if she had not sensed the Wraith coming, many more would be lost…

But she has not even marked her thirteenth year. She is too young…

Teyla did not feel young. Her life, her girlhood felt as fleeting as an Athosian day when compared with the days on other worlds, where the sun hung in the sky so long it began to seem as though it would never fade to night. This night had come too soon, and she felt as though she had been thrust into it unaware.

Her father was gone. Taken by the Wraith, just as her mother had been so long ago. Had she sensed their approach then, too? Cried warning with her first breath, only to be ignored until it was too late because no one understood the language of her infant tongue?

It did not matter. It did not matter–not at the moment, at least–that she had saved lives, perhaps most of their village, by her warning. She had failed to save the one who mattered most.

She heard the sound of canvas striking canvas and spun instinctively to face the intruder, both hands with their batons raised before her body in a posture of defense.

Charin, emerging from Maron’s doma, raised both her hands as well in a gesture of surrender, a twinkle in her eyes. “Be at ease, Teyla. There is no need to beat the council into submission–we have made our decision.”

The others stepped out behind her, and Teyla lowered her hands, a flush of embarrassment creeping into her face. “I…I apologize, Charin. I was…I did not mean…”

Charin calmed her with another gesture. “I know you did not. I, too, would gladly occupy my mind with…other things if I could.”

She glanced behind her to where Maron and the rest of the council were standing. Maron stepped forward. “Teyla Emmagen–”

“Do not call me that,” she interrupted sharply. “I am Teyla, daughter of Tegan. Emma was no one to me.”

“She was your mother,” Charin chastened her softly. “She gave you birth, and saved your life, Teyla. Which is why we honor our mothers so.”

The girl dropped her head, ashamed by the truth in her mentor’s words. Charin glanced at Maron and nodded.

Looking faintly amused, he spoke again. “Teyla Emmagen, daughter of Tegan, the Council has considered your request to sing the Laments at the Ceremony of Remembrance…”

“Yes?” Teyla asked breathlessly.

“…and we have decided to grant it.”


“Then there is the Domicilus, the song of joining. It is a dangerous thing, Teyla, to choose to love another when death lies always waiting just the other side of the Ancestors’ Ring. But how could we say we were living if we did not brave that danger?”


“Teyla!”

Teyla looked up from her work with a frown. At first, she did not recognize the woman with dark brown hair who waved to her from far across the field, but then she drew closer.

“Miri!” As much as she wished to just drop the faru vine in her hands, she forced herself to finish tying it to the stake with bits of twine before hurrying across the field to greet her friend. They met in the middle in a warm embrace.

“I do not understand,” Teyla exclaimed, delighted. “Do not think I am not pleased to see you…but I had understood that there was much work to be done to rebuild Yarra. Is it done so quickly?”

A secretive smile crossed Miri’s face. “No, the work is far from complete. Oh, Teyla, I have so much to tell you! Look!”

She held out her wrist, and Teyla’s stomach grew cold at the sight of a woven leather band tied around her friend’s wrist with an elaborate knot. She forced cheerfulness into her voice. “You are betrothed. To whom?”

Miri’s smile turned blissful. “To Halling Ryagen.”

Halling–the man who had come to them asking aid to restore his village, which had been especially devastated in the latest culling. No wonder Miri had returned so soon–after the joining, she would probably be returning to Yarra to stay, so she would have the remainder of her life to finish the task of rebuilding it.

Teyla nodded numbly. “Who is to be the third?”

“No one,” Miri beamed.

The cold in her stomach turned to ice. “But if one of you cannot bear children–”

“Then we will do without,” her friend replied joyfully. “Halling is a dutiful man and devoted to the Ancestors, but he says there are other ways to honor them than simply bearing children. Like loving each other.”

“A tercet can be a love match,” Teyla objected, not even sure why she did so except that if Miri found a third here in their village, then perhaps two could more easily than one persuade this Halling to join them rather than taking Miri away.

“Sometimes, yes, but you and I both know there is no one here for me, and there is no other in Yarra for Halling.”

Yes, she did know that Miri had found no one in their own village about whom she spoke with such warmth, she merely wished to deny it. Swallowing hard, Teyla forced herself to smile. “Then you will be leaving us again.”

“Ah, no, is that what frightens you so?” Miri laughed, impulsively embracing Teyla again. “You are my closest friend, Teyla. I could not leave you behind.”

“Then Halling is willing to give up his village and join ours?” she couldn’t quite keep the incredulity out of her voice.

“Men have done so before,” Miri teased.

Teyla flushed. “Yes, but rarely leaders.”

The other woman clapped her hands together and laughed. “That’s why I sought you out. There are not many left in Yarra after the last culling. I have spoken to the council of elders, but they say the final decision is yours–”

“What decision?” Teyla asked, confused.

“Halling wishes not to leave his village, but to bring them with him.” Miri seized her friend’s arms, her voice eager. “Oh please, Teyla–there are so few left, they will not be too great a burden on our resources, I promise!”

Instinctively Teyla wanted to pull away. For a moment, she felt an irrational anger towards Miri, that her friend should place such a decision in her hands–even if the elders had been leaving more and more such decisions to her as time passed, and seemed pleased with the choices she had made. Still…part of her hated the mantle of leadership that seemed to have fallen on her from her father’s shoulders, all because she could sense the Wraith as he had. Even Miri, at seventeen two years her senior, was barely considered out of childhood, and though Teyla had not felt like a child since her father’s death, she sometimes despised the responsibility she had not been prepared to take on in its aftermath.

But then…if the people of Yarra did join her own…

“Halling is leader of his village. Surely he will not wish to concede that leadership to one so much younger than he is,” she pointed out. Truthfully, it would be a relief to hand the task over to him.

To her dismay, Miri shook her head. “No. I spoke to him, and he greatly admired your courage and wisdom when he met with you and the elders to ask for our help.”

There seemed to be no way to win. If she refused, then Miri would return to Yarra with her betrothed to help his people rebuild. If she accepted…the already difficult task of leading a people she did not trust herself to protect would be further complicated by doing so under the watchful eyes of one far more qualified than she. It was unfair, but if Charin had taught her anything it was that life was seldom fair. “How can I say no? As you said, Miri…you are my closest friend. How could I allow you to go?”

Miri smiled like the sun, and threw her arms around Teyla. “Then I have only one thing I must ask, and I pray that you will agree just as readily–will you sing the Domicilus for our joining?”

This question was far easier to answer. “I would be honored.”


“Next, we come to the Natalus, the song of birth. If we court grief by loving, Teyla, then even moreso do we embrace danger when we create a new life. When I discovered I was with child, all those years ago, I knew I took the chance that my child would one day be culled, and I was afraid. I thought of using certain herbs I knew to flush it from my womb, yet even though my fears did eventually come true I do not regret that I chose to bear my son. I may have lost Santo to the Wraith, but I would have lost so much more had I allowed my fear of them to cause me to give up the chance to know him. We seize our small victories from the Wraith not by giving in to fear and destroying ourselves before they can, but by living life to the fullest and praying with every word of the Natalus that the child it honors will live to see a day when the Wraith are no longer a threat.”


If not for the absence of Wraith darts in the sky, it would have seemed to be the night of her own birth repeated.

In his father’s arms, Miri’s son wailed as though he too grieved for the mother he would never be fortunate enough to know. Halling had a haunted look in his eyes that suggested the infant’s cries were all that kept him aware of this world. If the boy too had perished, she had little doubt that he would have known nothing but his anguish.

Miri was dead. For all Charin’s skill, some of which was said to have been passed down from the Ancestors themselves, she had been unable to save her.

Teyla blinked hard to fight back her own tears. Around her, she could hear the low voices of the midwives as they murmured words that were supposed to comfort Halling–Miri had been spared a death at the hands of the Wraith, and for that, despite her youth, she would be remembered as honorata. She had given her life to the Ancestors in exchange for that of her son; surely that was an omen that he would grow to be a great leader of his people. She knew from Charin that people had spoken similar words to her father about her after her own mother’s death, and could not help but wonder if they had provided as little comfort for him as they did for her.

Regardless of the manner of Miri’s death, the dearest friend of her childhood was still gone. Even if she had not been taken by the Wraith, she could not return to them any more than those like her mother and father who had been culled.

She studied Halling’s face, a sharp knife of envy piercing her heart as she saw the peace that seemed to creep into his eyes at the words of the other women. He was a deeply spiritual man–this she knew both from Miri and from her own limited time with him–therefore he would rest easier believing that his wife was assuredly with the Ancestors. Teyla wished that she could take the same comfort.

A hand fell on her shoulder, and she pivoted sharply to see Charin’s kind face watching her. “I am sorry, Teyla. I would have saved her if it was in my power.”

Teyla nodded, once again fighting back tears. “I know, Charin.”

The old woman glanced at the little cluster of women around Halling, like marsh hens drawn to the scent of death. Scavengers, Teyla thought bitterly, just as much as if they truly were marsh hens. Though Halling was oblivious, to her it was obvious that they did not seek to ease a widower’s grief so much as gain a foothold with a suddenly available man who had already proven himself capable of seeding a fertile field.

Charin turned back in time to see the dark look in Teyla’s eyes before she quickly schooled her expression. “They are young, Teyla,” she pointed out kindly. “And the young are often foolish.”

“Am I too, then?” Teyla asked with a trace of bitterness in her voice. “That I cannot be glad that my friend did not lose her life to the Wraith, only that it was lost?”

“No,” Charin brushed a stray hair away from Teyla’s face and smiled a sad smile. “We all grieve in our own ways, Teyla. It is no more wrong to find no comfort in the promises of others than it is to take that comfort.”

The younger woman’s shoulders sagged under her mentor’s knowing eyes. She had not realized how much she resented Halling for accepting that comfort. “It is…hard, Charin. Everyone says we should be grateful, but I cannot feel so.”

“Can you feel grateful for the time you and Miri did share?” Charin asked instead. “There is little of her life that you were not part of: even her husband cannot say as much, nor will her son be able to once he is old enough to speak.”

Teyla lifted her eyes and looked across the room, seeing father and son as if for the first time. She had been so lost in her own grief that she had forgotten how recently Halling had come into their lives. From the time he and Miri had met to this night was little more than a year.

Squeezing Charin’s hand, she forced her own grief for a moment into a corner of her heart, and crossed the doma to where Halling still stood with his son and hangers-on. One sharp look from her–imbued with all the authority the elders had given her–sent the marsh hens scurrying, and when they were gone she laid one hand on his arm.

“I grieve with you, Halling Ryagen,” she stated in the formal words of their people.

He looked at her, and she saw how hollow his eyes were. “And I with you, Teyla Emmagen,” he answered in a rough voice.

For a moment, she saw him with Miri’s eyes, saw the compassion that allowed a man immersed in his own grief to still think of another. This glimpse, coupled with Charin’s words, steeled her resolve. She could not give him Miri back…but she could give him the Miri he had never known, the friend of her girlhood. Maybe in time she would come to call him friend as well.

“Miri and I were friends for many years,” she stated quietly. “I do not know how much she told you of our childhood, but if you ever wish to speak of her…it would be my honor.”

A sad smile broke slowly across his face. “It would mean a great deal to me, and to Jinto. Thank you.”

Jinto. Teyla’s throat closed at the name he had bestowed on his son–the name of Miri’s own long-dead father.

“Would you grant me one more thing, as well?” he asked then, cradling the baby who had finally subsided from tears into quiet hiccups. “I know Miri would have wanted you to sing the Natalus…”

Teyla nodded, no longer trying to quell the tears. “I would be glad to.”

Halling offered her another weak smile, and carefully passed the child over to her. Taking a deep breath as she took Jinto into her arms, Teyla pushed aside the door flap of the doma and stepped outside to where the village was waiting.

She lifted her voice in the customary words of presentation, projecting it into the crowd as Charin had taught her. “For the future of our people, in the hope of a day when the Wraith will haunt us no more, I present to you Jinto Mirigen, son of Halling…”

Then she began to sing.


“Finally, there is the Vicci. You asked if we have any happy songs, Teyla? I believe this is the happiest of all. Why? Because death is not always to be feared, not if one is blessed to live a long life, to become not only honorata but to die because the years, not the Wraith, have sapped all the strength from the body you wear. You may never have the opportunity to sing this song, Teyla, but if you do…if ever you are privileged to perform the Ring Ceremony, sing with all your soul. Sing with pride, with joy, not with sadness. For I can think of no greater honor, no greater joy or victory than to journey to the Ancestors in one’s own time.”

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Fic: A Taste for Scandal (SGA, Sheppard/Weir)

Author’s Note: Written for the Sheppard/Weir Ficathon for wanatee_1984, who requested: “Jane Austen ‘pride and prejudice’ style fic.” The epistolary format of the story was inspired by the delightful Sorcery and Cecelia and sequels by Patricia Wrede and Carole Stevermeyer. Also, wherever possible I have attempted historical accuracy with regards to social and political attitudes. This means that the characters will have some opinions and prejudices that they do *not* in the series and would most likely be horrified by, but probably would have in the context of the time this AU is set in. America, England and Canada were not allies, not even in name, in 1813 and there were *huge* perceived differences between people of different races, genders, religions and classes. Truthfully, most of the characters are probably *still* too modern to be accurate, but there was only so much I could bring myself to do and still respect them. 😉 Thanks to trinity1986 for a last minute but still exacting beta, mariposa510, Clara and Medie for encouragement and moral support. Oh, and to Medie for one other thing too…she knows what.


~15 May 1813
10 Avalon Close, London

Dear Samantha–

How fortunate that I remembered to furnish you with my intended direction before departing, as your letter was waiting at the house when we arrived. We might have been here sooner, had Laura not taken a spill from her horse shortly before I arrived to fetch her, resulting in a rather dreadful cut upon the chin. Naturally, she could not be permitted to make her début in such a state, so our departure was delayed until the cut had sufficient time to heal. Thankfully, there will not be a scar. It does not say much for her deportment, however–I fear the absence of a mother in her upbringing has been more detrimental than I supposed. How Stephen expects me to find a husband who will have patience with such unladylike behaviour, I’m sure I don’t know. She is lovely, however, and in despite of my fears for her prospects, I find myself admiring her fearlessness, so I think we shall get along quite well, provided she does not mind a little correction now and again when it becomes absolutely necessary.

Lest you think I only have one charge after all, I must also add that Kate is a perfect lady, and quite the image of her mother. One might think with that angelic face and all those perfect golden curls that she was something of a goose-wit, but not a bit of it! We have had several opportunities to converse, and I found her to be quite well read on a variety of subjects. She is also quite a dear, and I find myself thankful that she and Laura have already become fast friends. I might even venture to say we have all become friends–it is not so long since we were their age, after all.

Having only just arrived, I fear I cannot yet furnish you with the gossip you requested, unless you desire an exhaustive description of our accommodations and the staff. Tomorrow I take the girls to the modiste and the day after we have been invited to take tea at the Fraisers’.

~17 May

Suddenly I find myself glad that I had not yet remembered to close or dispatch this missive, as otherwise I might have been compelled to write again before you even had the chance to read this.

We have just returned from tea at the Fraisers’ where, as hoped, I was able to collect a bit of the latest gossip, as requested. I think you will find it of certain interest. Do you recall a rather odious gentleman by the name of Mr. Meredith McKay? His father had been awarded a large grant of land in Canada by the King as thanks for his loyalty during the rebellion in the colonies, and said father had sent him back to Mother England to procure a wife the same year you and I had our first Season. I imagine you do, as he was quite taken with you, if most unseemly in the way he went about saying so. To think that he truly believed you would accept his proposal because none better was going to offer for you! I have never been so pleased to see a gentleman–if the word is even applicable, which I doubt–proved wrong.

And here I am rambling like a goose-wit rather than coming to the point–forgive me! I mention Mr. McKay not to torment you with unpleasant memories, but rather because he is back in London and according to Janet, as yet unwed! I find it deeply satisfying to learn that apparently the vexing man was unable to find a woman who would abide with his arrogance and rudeness. His sister, I am told, is of quite another sort (it is to present her that he has ostensibly returned). Kate, Laura and I look forward to meeting her.

You may also find it of interest that it is not Mr. McKay, nor his sister, however, who is the talk of the Ton this Season, but rather a friend of his–a Colonel John Sheppard. You would scarcely believe the wild tales that are flying about regarding this gentleman! Apparently he is English, but has recently returned from a long tour of duty in the Americas, hence his friendship with the Canadian. The gentleman is rumored to have ten thousand a year and a country estate with the ostentatious and highly inappropriate name of Atlantis. More exotic, he is said to have disembarked with a pair of Native servants, and keeps no other staff. And as though this weren’t enough to set the Ton buzzing, rumour names him a scandalous rake, who has broken hearts all across two continents. As you can imagine, the more romantic and adventurous of the eligible young ladies have already set their caps for him, determined to be the one to mend his wicked ways. It will be interesting to catch a first glimpse of the mysterious Colonel, and see if he stands up to his rather dramatic reputation.

I shall write more after the Littletons’ fête, as doubtless I shall have more to report then. Janet sends her best wishes along with an invitation to call once your confinement has ended.

Your loving friend,

Elizabeth


~12 June 1813
10 Avalon Close, London

Dear Samantha–

I write in haste, praying this letter reaches you before the London papers, which I know your husband has been known to take. There will be a great deal of talk, I am sure, but you at least must know the truth.

Colonel Sheppard is every bit the rake that rumour has made him out to be! I have been made a scandal before the whole Ton, and the worst of it is that I know I am as guilty as he, and yet do not know if I even care. Now, lest you make any assumptions regarding the nature of this scandal, let me return to the beginning and tell the whole tale in order.

Our first weeks in London were spent making sure that Kate and Laura both had suitable wardrobes for the Season, and let me tell you, it was no easy task! Yet in the light of more recent events, I feel safe in stating briefly that Laura was naturally the root of it, and leaving the matter at that. Once that was accomplished, their Season began in earnest with the fête at Lord Ernest and Lady Catherine’s. Much to my immediate relief, neither Kate nor Laura lacked for dancing partners, and neither did Laura tread too severely on the feet of any of hers. It seems the dancing lessons I persuaded Stephen to arrange for her whilst she was recovering from the incident with her horse have paid off!

I was quite content to sit out, knowing that no one would approach me as long as I still wore mourning for Simon. I took the opportunity to study the company–one might say the competition. Mr. McKay was there, along with his sister, Miss Jean McKay, who is as perfectly lovely as described–I had a chance to speak with her briefly, and she began by apologizing for her brother’s behaviour towards you. Apparently he told her of it and received a firm dressing down in return. If only more men had such sisters!

Lord Beckett was also present, much to the astonishment of all, as he is said to rarely leave that remote Scottish castle of his except when called upon by the King himself. He asked Laura to dance twice, which I take to mean that she did not address him too informally, tread too hard upon his toes or do aught else that would have revealed her to be the unruly child she truly is. (I say with affection, of course!)

After about half an hour, I was finally given a glimpse of the mysterious Colonel Sheppard! He entered the room and all eyes immediately went to him, which was how I knew who he was. And truthfully, he is a handsome gentleman–long dark hair pulled back in the fashion of the regiment, warm hazel eyes and a little boy’s smile. One could almost hear the collective sigh from the unwed young ladies present. Then, Samantha, I tell you my heart nearly stopped, for he cast a disinterested glance about the room…and then settled his eyes on me! I saw him lean over to speak to Mr. McKay, who glanced at me and then turned to give him some answer. I thought that would be the end of it, but no, his eyes never left mine.

At this point, I fear a most unseemly blush began to colour my face, for the look in those eyes–I tell you it was something no unmarried woman should ever see from a stranger. Nor a married one from any man but her husband! I gathered my scattered wits about me and deliberately looked away. Yet still I could feel the heat of his eyes upon me.

Nor did it stop there, or while I might still be privately scandalized, none but the two of us should know of my shame. I had almost persuaded myself that it was once again safe to stop staring at the wall when I saw movement out of the corner of my vision. When I looked up, there he was, so close that I could see his uniform had been freshly pressed and all his buttons newly polished. He introduced himself with a polite little bow, and then promptly asked me to stand up the next waltz with him! I turned him down, of course, but not as easily as you might think. But then, you know how I love to waltz, so perhaps it would not surprise you.

Regardless, a true gentleman would have taken my refusal to heart, along with the gentle reminder that I am still wearing mourning. Colonel Sheppard, however, merely leaned closer and whispered too low for anyone but myself to hear: “Come on, Elizabeth. Haven’t you ever wanted to just forget about what people think for a little while and live your life?” (He must have been in the Americas for a long while–he even talks like a Colonial!)

He held out his hand, and heaven help me, Samantha, I took it, without even correcting his casual form of address. I cannot in good conscience explain myself, except perhaps that it has been so long since a man has asked me to waltz that I forgot myself. I certainly forgot myself during the dance–it was so lovely to be waltzing again! Sense returned to me, of course, as soon as the music had stopped–I rather wonder that it didn’t stop as soon as we stepped onto the floor, as surely the musicians must have been a shocked as everyone else–and I thanked him and moved to return to my seat. The more fool I, for thinking a man so brazen would be content with just one dance! No, he caught my arm as I was leaving, and before the night was out we had stood up every dance together.

When the evening concluded and I was safely ensconced once again in the carriage with Kate and Laura for the drive home, I of course felt mortified at my own behaviour. Yet, I would be lying to you if I said a part of me was not also in rapture. I had resigned myself to the dull, spinsterish life of a chaperon, yet you know as well as I that I have always been too much of a romantic for my own good. Perhaps this should be a lesson to me about letting my heart rule my head. Of course, it would have been easier if my two charges had not plied me the entire ride home with questions about the mysterious Colonel Sheppard.

Perhaps had it ended there, my reputation might still be intact, despite the drubbing it took at the fête. However, the next morning while I was in the kitchen supervising the preparation of our luncheon to distract myself, Peter–our butler–came in to announce that a Colonel John Sheppard had come to call. In the vain hope that he had asked me to dance last night with the purpose of ferreting out how best to charm me into trusting him with my charges, I sent Peter back to inquire which of the ladies he wished to call upon: Miss Highgate or Miss Caldwell.

I should only have been so fortunate. No, the reply he sent back was that while he was sure Miss Highgate and Miss Caldwell were both quite charming, it was Mrs. Wallace with whom he desired to speak.

Flustered as I have not been since the night Simon called to propose, I ordered Peter to have tea laid out in the blue parlour, and I would greet him there. I then took myself quickly upstairs to freshen up, as though I were a flighty child rather than a grown woman and a widow!

Upon returning downstairs, I greeted him as formally as possible considering the way my heart was palpitating in my chest. He thanked me for my company last night at the fête, and then began to ask me questions about myself. The truly remarkable thing, however, is that he listened to the answers! You may recall from our own Season how rare this was: most men would make enough inquiries for polite conversation, yet it was clear that their preferred topic of conversation was themselves–how much they had a year, their titles and their properties. My attempts to elicit any information from Colonel Sheppard (and I did not ask after his annual income–I still retained that much sense of propriety!) were met mostly with evasion. I only caught his interest when I inquired about the name of his estate. He looked surprised and even pleased to discover that I had read Plato, and he spent the next several minutes quizzing me about the classics. I daresay I need not tell you how pleasing it was to speak with a man who did not sniff and look down his nose upon me, commenting that reading gave women airs and led them to forget their proper place. Perhaps there is something to be said for a man who is so improper!

I will tell you, we talked for nearly two hours. It was only when Peter came to tell me that luncheon was ready, and would I like it laid out in the parlour, that John–for so he has insisted I address him!–took his leave. And I, I am left in a state of utter mortification, for I have realized that I truly do not know what I will say or do if I see him again. Kate and Laura are both seething with envy, and I can only imagine what the other chaperons will be saying about me by the time this reaches you.

And oh dear, here I have been so caught up in my own troubles that you must think I never even received your letter of a week past. Mark has behaved shamefully–to accuse your father of a dalliance with the parlour maid when there is no evidence to suggest such a thing! I am not surprised that he has been disinherited–perhaps once he can no longer live in the fashion to which he has become accustomed, your brother will come to his senses and beg forgiveness. Nevertheless…I think, having read this letter, you will understand (or rather I hope you will) why I say that I only wish a troublesome brother were the greatest of my problems!

Do write and advise me what I should do about the dreadful Colonel. I know you well enough to know your advice will be correct even if not strictly sensible, for you have never yet advised me wrongly.

Your flustered,

Elizabeth


~30 June 1813
10 Avalon Close, London

Dear Samantha–

Simon was a good man and a good husband, and he provided comfortably for me, for which I am grateful. If we did not marry for love, I did come to love him, and I do miss him.

Still, I suppose it is not speaking ill of the dead to confess that you are right: he never was the great, passionate romance I had longed for when we were young and concealing Penny Dreadfuls in our reticules to read by candlelight after retiring to bed, only to be caught and have them thrown upon the fire before we had the chance to discover how they ended! Therefore I have decided to take your advice to heart, in spite of your caveat. For I too, Samantha, wish to know how this tale shall end!

In keeping with that decision, when an invitation arrived only days after your letter–an invitation for Kate, Laura and I to attend a dinner party at Colonel Sheppard’s London house–I sat down at once to write out our acceptance. It is not Atlantis, but I thought at least I might be able to satisfy myself (and you, of course!) regarding a few more of the rumours surrounding him.

The dinner party was set for Thursday last, with dancing to follow. I, of course, wore my standard mourning, but Kate looked stunning in a pale green crape, and miraculously Laura managed not to stain, tear, wrinkle or otherwise destroy her powder-blue silk. I do not know whether it was for my sake, or whether she has truly begun to mend her reckless ways, but for the evening she truly looked the part of a young lady.

Also in attendance were Mr. McKay and his sister, Lord Beckett and his mother, a Major Lorne whom I did not know, and a charming gentleman from Russia or somewhere thereabouts by the name of Zelenka. It was quite an intimate affair, and I assure you Kate and Laura and I were quite the envy of the Ton once word got about! Of course, society being what it is, a good deal of the talk was speculation regarding the nature of my relationship with John, and I will not pretend not to be injured by some of what managed to make its way back to my ears. What truly frightens me, though, is that it ought to have offended me a great deal more than it did. Truthfully, Samantha, I feel as though I were a great ship riding the crest of a wave that has no end. I am sure before the season is out, life shall have dropped once more into the trough, but I simply cannot bring myself to care as much as I ought.

I think it is quite probable that I am in love! Heaven help me when John tires of me, as I know he must for every other rumour has proved true–what else am I meant to conclude but that he is every bit the rake that gossip holds him to be? Yet if so, I cannot help but see what gives him such allure, for he treats a woman as though she were his equal or even his better!

Before I wander off on starlit paths and wind up penning you a Penny Dreadful of my own, however, I am sure you wish to know the particulars of the dinner party.

Very well, then, I shall tell you. It was not quite like any dinner party I ever attended, nor am likely to again, perhaps due to the presence of so many foreigners. And on the subject of foreigners, I must reveal that I have met the Native servants! They are a man and wife, with the rather remarkable names of Ronon and Teyla, and what is truly extraordinary is that they are not slaves, indentured, or paid servants. Rather they are friends of John, who came across the sea with him because they desired to see his homeland, and serve him because they possess skills that a man of his upbringing does not and it is their pleasure to do so. In spite of this–perhaps because of it–I have never seen a household better kept or more pleasantly so.

I must confess I half expected them to dress in skins and speak in pidgin, as they always do in the memoirs of great explorers. On the contrary, both speak English quite well, dress simply but modestly, and have mingled with the white man nearly all their lives. Truly, I felt myself ashamed of the conclusions I had drawn on so little evidence, but Teyla graciously pardoned me and thanked me for my willingness to look beyond my prejudice. Then she said something quite extraordinary, something I have not been able to remove from my thoughts.

I must ask you, though, before I reveal what it was, not to speak a word of this to anyone! What scandal John’s attentions to me have already caused are nothing to the row that would result should it become known that he associates himself with heathens, for while Teyla and Ronon appear quite civilized, they are not Christians. Indeed, Teyla is some sort of priestess among her own people, believed to have strange powers, amongst them the ability to see the future.

And this, Samantha is what I find so remarkable, and what you must never reveal to another soul, not even your husband. Teyla told me that John came to her once, for counsel. His father had died and left his son his entire estate, but with the caveat that John was to inherit only if he returned to England to take possession of Atlantis and find a wife. It seems the elder Sheppard was not pleased that his son had not yet borne an heir of his own. John did not wish to be forced into a loveless marriage and thus was inclined to disregard his father’s terms and allow the estate to pass in its entirety to a cousin. He sought Teyla’s advice because she was the wise woman for her village, and she counselled him to make the journey–that it would not be in vain–because she had seen my face in a vision.

Can this be possible? Reverend Kinsey would say that Scripture calls such power the work of the devil, and I am wicked indeed to take such hope from it, but how can hope ever be wicked? I need hope now, for my heart is lost and will surely be broken if not for some miracle. It is said that God works in mysterious ways–is it not possible that he could work even through a heathen?

And here I have done it again; I have let my thoughts wander. You must think by now that I spent the entire evening conversing with the staff! Far from it–though that may have been the most remarkable part of the evening, it was not nearly the sum of it.

As it often does when there are many gentlemen at table, conversation over dinner soon turned to the subject of war, both that being waged against Napoleon and–dearer to Mr. McKay’s heart, though of far lesser importance, according to Mr. Zelenka–the war in the Americas. I do not know if it was John’s presence that emboldened me, but when Mr. McKay and Mr. Zelenka began to argue whether Mother England should attempt to reclaim her recalcitrant colonies or concentrate our efforts upon curtailing Monsieur Bonaparte’s ambitions in Europe, I found myself unable to keep silent.

“While Mr. McKay has reason to be proud of his fellow colonists’ success in repelling the American invaders, it seems unwise to have our fighting forces spread so thinly at such a time,” I stated, nearly as surprised to hear myself speak as the rest of the party must have been!

To my even greater shock, they did not at once dismiss me as a woman and therefore necessarily ignorant of men’s affairs. Rather, Mr. McKay turned to me and said, “The Royal Navy would be far more thinly spread were it not for the very seamen whom the Americans take such issue with our impressing. For all we know, they may support the French: it was them, after all, who enabled the colonies to win their ridiculous little rebellion. If we are to defeat Emperor Bonaparte, we must first subdue the Americans.”

“Does it not support Napoleon’s ambitions more to have half His Majesty’s Navy occupied not in French waters, but across the ocean? For every American sailor we have impressed, we lose Englishmen daily in the attempt to keep them.” I pointed out, suddenly grateful for my dreadfully improper habit of reading the papers in their entirety, not just the Society pages. “It also seems to me that a man fighting a war neither he nor his countrymen support would be more likely to desert, perhaps even turn traitor. Would it not be wiser to have sought an alliance with the Americans, rather than a conflict?”

“They sought the conflict, not us,” John argued, but in despite of that his smile never faded, and I felt strangely as though he were proud of me. “I don’t know that I’d go so far as to try to conquer the old colonies again, but McKay’s people–not to mention Teyla and Ronon’s–have every right to defend their territory against invasion.”

“I agree with Mrs. Wallace,” Mr. Zelenka spoke, only adding to my amazement. “Your Army and Navy are fighting two wars when one has already proved quite difficult enough to win.”

“And I suppose you have a better solution?” Mr. McKay asked in a most impolite tone of voice.

“Diplomacy,” I suggested. “Let each side voice its grievances, and see if a compromise can be reached. Rather than impressing sailors, impress upon the Americans how crucial it is to defeat Napoleon. Remind them also that it was the regime of the late King of France, not of Monsieur Bonaparte, who was their ally. Monsieur Bonaparte envisions himself as a new Caesar; why should he be content with the conquest of Europe, when he could reclaim territories that France has lost or sold in the Americas? Rome sought to rule the world–it seems conscionable that this new Caesar’s ambitions would be no less grand in scope.”

The debate lasted the duration of two further courses in a similar vein, and whilst it concluded with none at table persuaded of the other’s position, when the remainder of the guests arrived after dinner, I had not only Mr. Zelenka and John, but also to my great surprise, Mr. McKay, approach me to thank me for my thoughts!

Perhaps the rare atmosphere of that dinner emboldened me still further, for after when John approached me at the first dance to stand up with him, I did not hesitate, but took his hand at once and held my head as high and proud as if I were never married and being courted by the Prince of Wales!

“I knew you had that in you,” John told me once we had attained the dance floor–strange, how such a public place can be so private with the correct partner!

“Then you appear to know me better than I know myself,” I replied, a little breathless. “I must confess I am amazed that none of the gentlemen of your acquaintance took offense at my boldness. At any other gathering, I should surely have been ignored or put down for involving myself in men’s affairs.”

“So would have another Elizabeth of note, in her youth,” he pointed out with a smile. “And yet we look back on her reign as one of the greatest ages in the history of our Empire.” His hand tightened on mine and correspondingly my breath tightened also in my throat. “Perhaps what England needs is another Queen Elizabeth.”

His words sent a warmth through me that I cannot describe without resorting to language entirely too base and vulgar even for so intimate a friend as yourself. I could not help but marvel at them. “I must confess you are unlike any gentleman of my acquaintance.”

“Even your late husband?”

I suppose I should have struck him for such an impertinent question, but something told me his intent was sincere and not to offend, so instead I told him the plain truth.

“Mr. Wallace was a good man, but he was a man like any other.” I returned his smile. “Whereas you appear to be a man like no other.”

His smile became an enigma, then, and his reply was equally a cipher in its simplicity: “Good.”

There is little more to tell, except that as we had before, John and I stood up every dance together, and though I still saw the disapproving looks and whispers that followed us, I found it more and more difficult to give them any weight. Truly he has ruined me for polite society, and I know not how I shall ever go back to it. Fortunately, neither Kate nor Laura lacked for partners, so at the least their prospects have not been tainted by the odour of scandal. Of all that has transpired or might have transpired, I think that is the one thing I should regret.

It is quite late now, and I have spent far longer at writing to you than I ought, so before I find myself witness to the dawn without ever having slept, I shall close this letter and leave any other news–which truthfully, I cannot recall now in any event–for later.

Once again, I cannot express my gratitude for your counsel to follow my heart. It may lead me only over a precipice, but I have not been happier than I am now in all my recollection.

Thus I remain your devoted,

Elizabeth


~8 August 1813

Dear Samantha,

I must crave your forgiveness for having neglected our correspondence for so long, yet when you hear what I have to tell, I think you will understand. I am once again a married woman–John asked me to marry him, and since we both knew Father would never grant his consent until my time of mourning is finished, and even then probably not to John, we decided to elope!

My one hesitation as ever was Kate and Laura–to abandon them in the midst of the season, without a chaperon, would be a dreadful thing indeed and beyond even my newfound taste for scandal. Yet as it happens, I need not have worried! Both the girls have found avid suitors from amongst Colonel Sheppard’s friends, and one match in particular may prove as great a surprise to you as it did to me! In the interim, Janet Fraiser has proved a wonderful co-conspirator, and has graciously agreed to shepherd them for the duration of their respective engagements, that I might be free to seize a little happiness for myself. I might reveal more, but that it is entirely likely you will see the engagements announced in the papers before you receive this letter, so I shall leave it to them to provide the details of their good fortune.

My own, however, shall not appear in the papers, or at the least not in any semblance of a good light, so you must rely upon me to reveal the entire story and thus what has occupied me so that I did not find time to write sooner.

In the weeks following the dinner party described in my last letter, John remained as attentive as ever, if not more so. He took to calling almost every day, occasionally with Mr. McKay, Lord Beckett, or Mr. Zelenka as company. Once he even brought Ronon and Teyla with him–or rather, brought them inside, as Ronon among other functions serves as his driver. Upon a whim, I invited Peter as well to join us for tea that day. Being far more proper and mindful of his place than I, he of course refused, but I cannot help but wonder what might have transpired had he not.

If I had been enamoured before these calls, I am even more so following them, for John continued to surprise and pleasantly at each turn, never more so than in the days before Lord Admiral Hammond’s fête.

As this was to be the event of the season, I took myself, Kate and Laura all to the modiste for new gowns. While mine was to be the simplest–mourning black, still–the time spent deciding which fabrics to use for Kate and Laura were well spent indeed. For Kate, we finally settled on a pale gold silk that made her seem almost a golden statue or a Hellenic goddess. In keeping with the apparent motif of matching dresses to hair, Laura chose a lovely light coral shade, also in silk, for her own gown, and both had new shoes dyed to match.

This, as you may imagine, consumed a great deal of our time. It sometimes seems to me that native peoples such as Teyla’s have one great advantage over those of us who consider ourselves civilized in that they have no expectations of Society that must be catered to.

Regardless, the gowns were awaited with much eager anticipation, even from Laura. My enthusiasm was considerably less, as I had a great deal less to anticipate, or so I believed. I underestimated John. When the packages arrived from the modiste two days before the fête, we opened them at once so that the girls might immediately try on their gowns. Kate’s gold was first with Laura’s coral beneath it, but under both of these was not the stiff, matronly mourning black I had commissioned, but rather a dress in the same high fashion as both the girls’ but in a deep, rich red like holly berries!

I had only a moment to be furious at the mix-up before I noticed a note pinned carefully to the bodice of the gown. At Kate and Laura’s urging, I removed it and opened it, hoping it might account somehow for this error. I could never have dreamed what I would read!

The note was from John, and read accordingly:

Dear Elizabeth,

It would please me more than words can express if you would put aside mourning for one night and wear this to the Lord Admiral’s party instead.

Love,
John

It is a testament to how profoundly I have changed in just a few short months that it did not even occur to me to be offended by the brazenness of the gift, or of the colour. (Despite the impropriety of it, red has always been one of my best colours, something you know I always rued.) A week later, another parcel arrived–this time a jeweller’s box, containing the most breathtaking ruby necklace I have ever seen, and matched eardrops. Once again, there was a note from John, asking that I wear them to the Lord Admiral’s fête.

By now, I probably do not need to tell you that I did, indeed, wear his gifts to the fête. I imagine it has been splashed across every Society page in every paper in the Empire by now, that the Widow Wallace attended the event of the season dressed up like a scarlet woman! Yet I can say with confidence and even a little satisfaction–which I have surely earned the right to–that every eye was upon me that night. Still, had no eyes but John’s seen me the entire evening, the look of adoration in his would have been more than enough. He too was in red–in full dress uniform–so that we stood out like a splash of bright red wine amidst the seasonal grays, browns and greens of the gentlemen and summer pastels of the ladies.

We danced every dance, and once at the end of a waltz, both our faces flushed with the exercise, John leaned in close and asked me, “Would it be too scandalous if I kissed you now? I seem to have forgotten my manners while I was abroad.”

“Perhaps,” I answered with a smile that I cannot but describe as coy. (O, when did I become such a dreadful flirt?) “Yet since I met you, I seem to have acquired something of a taste for scandal.”

And so he kissed me, right there on the dance floor, in front of all of Society. I heard the shocked gasps and murmur of disapproval as my eyes closed, but only as one might hear the intrusion of the waking world on the edge of a dream, so caught up was I in his kiss. When we parted, I wanted nothing more than to linger in his arms, and it appears he had the same thought, for he leaned close and whispered in my ear.

“Marry me?”

Samantha, I promise you that my heart stopped for a moment. “What?” I asked, insensibly certain that I had misheard him.

“I know I should do this properly,” he answered. “Call on you tomorrow at your house and preface the proposal with a list of reasons why I can support you in the lifestyle you’ve become accustomed to…but I don’t think I can wait even that long. Run away with me, tonight?”

Dearly I longed to say yes, with no conditions, but I still had some surviving sense of duty. “I must think of my charges,” I protested with only half a heart. “I may have no regard left for my own reputation, but it would be unjust of me to sacrifice theirs as well.”

John smiled at me then in a strangely knowing manner. “What if I told you that will likely sort itself out by tomorrow?”

I clasped his hands tightly and whispered, “Then ask me again tomorrow.”

He began as if to protest, but I held up a staying hand. “If I had only myself to consider, I would depart with you this very moment. But I would not be so unkind to Kate and Laura as to make no provisions for them.”

John smiled then. “Then I shall call tomorrow evening.”

My heart skipped once again as I promised, “And I shall be ready.”

The rest I am sure you may discern for yourself. As John had predicted, both Kate and Laura received callers to ask their hand on the morrow, both men having already written and obtained Stephen’s blessing (with no mention of my behaviour, thank the heavens!). As soon as I saw this, I at once had a carriage sent round and rode swiftly to Janet Fraiser’s. I had attempted to keep her, as well as you, apprised of events as they unfolded, and she quite happily offered to take Kate and Laura into her household until such time as they were wed, see to their trousseaux and so forth. Cassandra too, though far too young to comprehend the true magnitude of what I had chosen to do, was delighted by the prospect of acquiring two elder sisters for the remainder of the Season.

Once that was dealt with, all that remained was to return home, where Kate and Laura both helped me pack my trunks and prepare for John’s call. I decided to wear the red silk again, as I have nothing else appropriate for a wedding–everything else I own is still in mourning black!

He arrived precisely as promised, to my delight accompanied by not only Ronon, but Teyla as well. She greeted me with a warm embrace and informed me that she was to be my personal attendant until or unless I chose to find my own. Since I had chosen not to bring our Katie with me, but rather leave her to continue to care so beautifully for Kate and Laura, I could have kissed John for his forethought. I do not imagine I shall seek to find another maid either, for in Teyla I feel sure I shall have not only a servant but a friend, and considering that I do not know now if society will ever welcome me again, I shall need every friend I can find. I know you, at least, I shall never lose, and I am grateful for that beyond the telling of it.

I am also most grateful that both Kate and Laura have become betrothed to friends of John’s, for it means that even if Stephen forbids me to see them again whilst they are still under his authority, I shall not be deprived of their company forever, only until they too are wed. Still, our parting was a tearful one.

I write this to you now from an inn. An hour ago, John and I were wed at a small chapel not far from here, and tomorrow we shall continue on to Atlantis and I shall see for the first time the grand estate of which I have so recently become mistress. It is my fervent prayer that you will come to visit us there when you are able.

In the meantime, however, it is past time I retired for the evening. John is waiting, and while I adore him for his finer qualities, patience is not among them. And in truth (if you will forgive me speaking frankly for a moment), where John is concerned, neither is it mine.

I remain forever your loving friend,

Elizabeth Sheppard

 

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