{"id":2251,"date":"2014-02-03T07:20:19","date_gmt":"2014-02-03T07:20:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/?p=2251"},"modified":"2014-02-03T07:20:19","modified_gmt":"2014-02-03T07:20:19","slug":"fic-for-the-night-has-been-unkind-b5-sinclairgaribaldi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/?p=2251","title":{"rendered":"Fic: For the Night Has Been Unkind (B5, Sinclair\/Garibaldi)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Author’s Note:<\/strong>\u00a0A slightly AU missing scene from “Sleeping in Light.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Acknowledgments:<\/strong> Thanks so much to Medie for being my beta reader, my cheerleader, and as always, a hand to hold as “OMG deadline is almost here and I’m not finished!” panic inevitably set in. Oh, and for coming up with the title! *g* Love you, hon!<\/em><\/p>\n

Written for:<\/strong> Muccamukk for rarepairfest 2013.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Cast me gently
\nInto morning
\nFor the night has been unkind
\nTake me to a
\nPlace so holy
\nThat I can wash this from my mind
\nThe memory of choosing not to fight
\n– Sarah McLachlan, “Answer”<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Delenn found him in the courtyard after dinner. He would later wonder if she\u2019d made the rounds, after hearing from Susan about the conversation they\u2019d had, but at the time he\u2019d been too engrossed in staring out at the city. Tuzanor, the \u201cCity of Sorrows\u201d that had been the birthplace of the Rangers…Valen\u2019s favorite city on all of Minbar.<\/p>\n

Figures,<\/em>\u00a0Michael reflected dourly.\u00a0Twenty years gone and a thousand years dead and I still can\u2019t get away from you.<\/em><\/p>\n

He only noticed she was there when a throat was cleared delicately behind him. Embarrassed to have been caught staring into space, he turned. \u201cHey, I was just, ah…admiring the scenery.\u201d<\/p>\n

Delenn smiled and came to stand at his shoulder. \u201cIt is beautiful,\u201d she agreed. Silence lapsed between them for a moment, then she asked, \u201cI did not get the chance to ask at dinner…how are you, Michael?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shrugged with deliberate nonchalance. \u201cMe? I\u2019m peachy as always. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI noticed\u2026in your toast\u2026that there was someone you did not mention,\u201d Delenn pointed out astutely.<\/p>\n

Michael grimaced. \u201cYou mean Jeff?\u201d She nodded. He sighed and turned again to stare out at the skyline of the city. \u201cI guess that\u2019s because even after all this time, it still doesn\u2019t feel like he\u2019s really gone. Especially not here on Minbar. Hell, I see a reminder of him everywhere I look.\u201d He waved a hand at the temple that was visible from where he stood, one of dozens in Tuzanor and probably thousands over the whole of the planet dedicated improbably to the man he\u2019d once called his best friend. \u201cLiterally.\u201d<\/p>\n

Turning back to Delenn, he offered her a crooked smile. \u201cThis was his house once, wasn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled. \u201cTwice, actually. It was built for Valen a thousand years ago, but it was also given to him again when he came to Minbar as Jeffrey Sinclair. None but the Entil\u2019zha may live here, so…\u201d her voice trailed off into sadness.<\/p>\n

So when John was gone, she would have to move? Or would she be allowed to stay by virtue of having held the title herself? Not that it mattered much to him, either way. Delenn would be taken care of. She was respected, even revered, too much by her people not to be. Just like Jeff–or rather, the person he became–had been.<\/p>\n

Garibaldi dropped his eyes. \u201cI went through hell and back, and he wasn\u2019t there, and I hated him for it. He was the one person who\u2019d always been there for me and then because of some damn prophecy he ran off to save a bunch of strangers he\u2019d never even met and left me behind. I guess part of me still hasn\u2019t forgiven him for that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Delenn sounded troubled. \u201cI see.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI mean, I get that he had to do it,\u201d Michael admitted, forcing himself to meet her eyes. \u201cAnd I get why. But he was my best friend and he didn\u2019t even have the guts to say goodbye to my face.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another long silence fell between them, then Delenn asked, \u201cWould you be able to forgive him if he had?\u201d<\/p>\n

Michael laughed shortly. \u201cI don\u2019t know. Hell, I probably would\u2019ve badgered him into taking me along. Maybe he knew that. But I guess I\u2019ll never know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Something enigmatic came into her expression then, and she laid a hand on his arm. \u201cCome with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Surprised, Michael followed, even when she led him out of the house and into the quiet, star-spangled night. At first he thought they were headed for the temple, and that she was going to give him some rigmarole about Jeff still being here in spirit, but then at the last minute Delenn turned aside and stopped at the door of a small, nondescript house he\u2019d never noticed before. She pressed her hand to the arrangement of crystals beside the door that served as a door chime, then after a moment a voice from inside said, \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n

Michael caught his breath.<\/p>\n

Delenn leaned close to the almost invisible speaker and announced herself. \u201cIt\u2019s Delenn.\u201d<\/p>\n

That same impossible voice said, \u201cCome in.\u201d<\/p>\n

The door slid open and at first Michael thought he must have been imagining things, because the person who rose to greet them was definitely Minbari. But then Jeff\u2019s familiar eyes widened in an otherwise mostly unfamiliar face. \u201cMichael.\u201d<\/p>\n

Garibaldi said the first thing that leaped to mind. \u201cYou son of a bitch.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jeff looked from him to Delenn, startled. Clearly that wasn\u2019t the reaction he\u2019d been expecting, which somehow only made Michael angrier. \u201cWhy\u2019d you do it, huh? Do you have any idea the hell I went through after you left? What Bester did to me? What I nearly did to myself?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jeff just stared at him in surprise, then looked at Delenn again. \u201cI don\u2019t understand. Delenn told me you married Lise and were CEO of Edgars Industries.\u201d<\/p>\n

Delenn dropped her eyes, abashed. Michael almost snorted. He\u2019d think after living with the Minbari for a century, Jeff would\u2019ve remembered they were the masters of the half-truth. No doubt she\u2019d told him exactly what he needed to hear\u00a0not\u00a0<\/em>to feel guilty about the choice he\u2019d made.<\/p>\n

Garibaldi wasn\u2019t letting him off that easy. \u201cSure, now,\u201d he shot back. \u201cBut it was a hell of a long hard road to get there.\u201d Especially with Jeff gone, the one person Michael\u2019d always counted on to believe in him. \u201cWhat are you even doing here, anyway? I thought you \u2018traveled beyond\u2019 nine hundred years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI did,\u201d Jeff answered, his voice wry. \u201cWhere do you think I traveled to?\u201d<\/p>\n

That was unexpected enough to stop Michael mid-rant. \u201cOkay, but…how? Why?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jeff looked at both of them. \u201cMaybe you should come in, sit down.\u201d He grimaced. \u201cIt\u2019s kind of a long story.\u201d<\/p>\n

He led them into the small living area of the house and waited until they were seated to disappear into the kitchen, returning with a small tea service that he poured with surprisingly little ceremony for the person the Minbari supposedly dedicated all their ceremonies too.<\/p>\n

Michael couldn\u2019t help but watch him, trying to take in this new version of his old friend. Even though he supposed it really wasn\u2019t new–this was the form he\u2019d worn now for a hundred years. Hell, being Minbari was probably more comfortable to him now than being human had been. It sure seemed to suit him, something Michael tried to resent, but found he couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Jeff waited until they were all three fairly settled before dropping his eyes to his hands and beginning his story. \u201cWhen my work on Minbar in the past was done, the Vorlons came for me. They knew that some of the Minbari would never be willing to accept my human life as my prophesied \u2018return,\u2019 never mind that I\u2019d made the prophecy myself with exactly that in mind. They informed me that I was going to be preserved just in case it became necessary to use me in this form. I tried to argue–I\u2019d built a new life for myself there, in the past. The last thing I wanted to do was leave everything behind again. But the Vorlons aren\u2019t exactly very good at taking no for an answer. The next thing I remember was waking up here, in a Tuzanor that was familiar for all the wrong reasons. It took a little while to find out what was going on, but eventually I learned that the Vorlons and the Shadows had departed to join the other First Ones beyond the Rim. I guess at that point I just became so much excess baggage, so they left me behind.\u201d<\/p>\n

Michael\u2019s breath caught in his throat again. That had been only a year after Jeff left! He looked accusingly at Delenn. \u201cAnd you waited this long to tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI did not know, at first,\u201d she answered quietly. \u201cIt was many years before Jeffrey contacted me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jeff nodded quietly. \u201cI knew Delenn had assumed the mantle of Entil\u2019zha after I left, just as Zathras said she would, and that Sheridan would take it up after her. My presence would\u2019ve only thrown things into confusion, maybe even undermined their authority. So, I reinvented myself again, as Mafak of the worker caste, and joined one of the worker guilds. I’ve been living here in Tuzanor ever since.\u201d<\/p>\n

Garibaldi\u2019d picked up enough of the various Minbari dialects over the years to know that the name Jeff had chosen for himself meant \u2018new beginning.\u2019 It made sense and stung at the same time: he couldn\u2019t go back to his old life, either of them, so he made a new one all over again. \u201cSo, what, now that John\u2019s dying, are you going to step up and lead the Rangers again?\u201d<\/p>\n

Delenn shifted uncomfortably at his side and he realized belatedly he might\u2019ve been a little blunt.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Jeff shook his head. \u201cAs a matter of fact, Delenn and I spoke about it, and she\u2019s chosen someone else for that role.\u201d He gave her a quizzical look and she nodded, although with enough hesitation to suggest she wasn\u2019t one hundred percent sure that whoever she had chosen would accept. Jeff\u2019s gaze grew distant even as he added more quietly, \u201cDelenn knows she can call on me if needed, but if I have a choice, I\u2019d like to live out my last years anonymously.\u201d<\/p>\n

Michael could understand that. Hell, he could hear in Jeff\u2019s voice how tired he obviously was. He\u2019d already lived longer and done more than most humans would in a lifetime.<\/p>\n

But he\u2019d done it alone when Michael would\u2019ve happily stood at Valen\u2019s shoulder just as he\u2019d done for Jeff Sinclair, and that he wasn\u2019t quite ready to forgive. \u201cYou still haven\u2019t answered my question. Why\u2019d you leave me behind?\u201d<\/p>\n

Delenn set down her teacup, clearly uncomfortable, and rose. \u201cPerhaps you would like to speak alone,\u201d she suggested.<\/p>\n

Garibaldi almost objected, almost told her if she left now, she ran the risk that her precious Valen wouldn\u2019t be around to help if needed after all. But then he caught her eyes and remembered this was probably the last night she was ever going to get to spend with John, and he couldn\u2019t. He\u2019d been denied the chance to say goodbye: he couldn\u2019t deny it to her, or anyone. \u201cYeah. Yeah, that\u2019d be good,\u201d he said instead. \u201cI\u2019ll find my own way back.\u201d<\/p>\n

Delenn nodded. She and Jeff exchanged the traditional bows and then she left, leaving him alone with Jeff for the first time in over twenty years.<\/p>\n

As awkward silences went, this one was a doozy. Michael was finally the one who broke it. \u201cWell?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jeff took a deep breath and let it out slowly. \u201cI did it to protect you. Both from the aging effect of the time field, and from the future I thought was in store for you if I didn\u2019t go. Do you remember that message you got from Susan in the future, a possible future? The one where Babylon 5 was destroyed by the Shadows?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d he answered quietly.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe first time we went to Babylon 4, I had a time flash. I saw us together on the station, in the middle of an invasion. We were losing, and losing badly, in the middle of an evacuation.\u201d He paused and closed his eyes, the memory clearly pretty painful for something that had never happened. \u201cYou\u2019d rigged the fusion reactor and were planning to go down with the station. I tried to convince you to come with me, but we got separated in the confusion.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you said yourself, that was what the future held if you didn\u2019t go back,\u201d Michael pointed out. \u201cThat doesn\u2019t stop you from saying goodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jeff nodded. \u201cI was afraid if I told you what we were doing, you would insist on coming along. But because the first time you and I were exposed to the time field, we didn\u2019t have any sort of protection, just that two year jump forward in time almost doubled my age. If you\u2019d come with us…trying to come home after Babylon 4 was ready to go would\u2019ve killed you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what if I would\u2019ve gone along with you, to the past?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou couldn\u2019t,\u201d Jeff answered. \u201cBecause it didn\u2019t happen. It was a closed circle, Michael. Nothing happened then that wasn\u2019t meant to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, well did it ever occur to you that maybe if you\u2019d given me the chance to choose for myself, that maybe that closed circle would\u2019ve included me after all?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter, because it didn\u2019t,\u201d Jeff insisted. He sighed, and for a moment the weight of two worlds and two lifetimes seemed to settle on his shoulders. \u201cWas it really that bad?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Garibaldi answered flatly. He laid it all out in plain terms; Bester, the brainwashing, quitting the only job he\u2019d ever loved in a fit of pique that wasn\u2019t even his, his betrayal of Sheridan, meeting up again with Lise, working for Edgars, finding out he\u2019d been used all along, the Asimov Bester had planted in his brain, his spiral back into the bottle that he almost hadn\u2019t pulled out of… \u201cAnd you know what the worst part was? Every time things got worse, I\u2019d find myself thinking, \u2018I wish Jeff were here.\u2019 Because you knew me better than anyone, and you would\u2019ve straightened me out before it went as far as it did, no matter what junk Bester put in my head. And because…\u201d The next part was harder to say because it was something he\u2019d never admitted to anyone except himself. \u201cBecause I realized only after you were gone that I hadn\u2019t followed you to Babylon 5 to prove myself to anyone, or even out of friendship. I\u2019d followed you because I loved you and I would\u2019ve followed you anywhere. But you didn\u2019t give me that chance.\u201d<\/p>\n

By this point Jeff wasn\u2019t looking at him anymore. He was looking anywhere but at Michael, and Michael didn\u2019t blame him one bit.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he finally spoke in a quiet tone heavy with regret. \u201cIf I\u2019d known–\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou wouldn\u2019t have done anything differently,\u201d Michael cut him off.<\/p>\n

That finally brought Jeff\u2019s eyes back to his. \u201cDon\u2019t be so sure of that,\u201d he contradicted quietly.<\/p>\n

Michael\u2019s throat closed up. For years, he\u2019d wanted nothing more than to see that look in Jeff\u2019s eyes, even if he hadn\u2019t known it until Jeff was already gone. But it was too late. He\u2019d moved on, and all the apologies or regrets in the world weren\u2019t gonna change that. Not now. He\u2019d betrayed too many people in his life, himself included. He wasn\u2019t going to add Lise and Mary to that list. Not even for Jeff.<\/p>\n

He force a lighter tone into his voice. \u201cProbably just as well. I mean, considering Delenn\u2019s one of your descendants, you obviously found someone back there, in the past.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jeff looked surprised for a moment, and Michael almost laughed. It just figured that Delenn wouldn\u2019t have told him she\u2019d found out she was his great-great-great-something grandkid. \u201cYes,\u201d he admitted after a pause, shock fading into fond remembrance. \u201cI found someone.\u201d He didn\u2019t say who. Not that it would\u2019ve mattered, it wasn\u2019t like it was going to be anyone Michael knew.<\/p>\n

There was another long, pregnant pause, then Michael asked, \u201cSo, what now?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jeff looked at him. \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAm I just supposed to forget you\u2019re here, let you go back to that anonymous life you want?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that what you want?\u201d<\/p>\n

Michael shook his head. \u201cI don\u2019t know anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

The two of them looked at each other for a long moment, Michael still struggling to make the alien in front of him align with the friend he\u2019d once known better than any other soul in the universe. \u201cI\u2019ll be honest, Jeff, it\u2019s never gonna be the way it was. There are some things I don\u2019t know if I can ever forgive, and I can\u2019t even look at you without being reminded of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

For the first time since he\u2019d met them at the door, Jeff looked self-conscious about the Minbari body he\u2019d probably long forgotten wasn\u2019t the one he started out with. He looked resigned as well. \u201cI understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut,\u201d Michael interjected. \u201cI\u2019ve also spent way too many years without you as a part of my life. I\u2019d be an idiot to throw away the chance to change that over something that happened twenty years ago.\u201d He took a deep breath. \u201cI have a kid…Mary. She\u2019s…she\u2019s incredible. Half the time I can\u2019t even figure out how the hell she\u2019s mine.\u201d Something settled into place and he met Jeff\u2019s eyes again. \u201cI\u2019d like you to meet her. You would\u2019ve been her godfather, you know.\u201d Well…if he hadn\u2019t been her other dad, but there was no point going down that road.<\/p>\n

Jeff smiled sadly. \u201cI\u2019d like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

He hated it. Hated that this was what they were reduced to, tiptoeing around each other like a couple of strangers. But it was a hell of a lot better than nothing, and nothing was what he\u2019d had for far too long. Michael rose from his seat, leaving the tea behind. \u201cI should get back. But I\u2019ll come again, okay? Just don\u2019t…don\u2019t disappear on me this time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t.\u201d Jeff stood as well. \u201cI don\u2019t think I realized until I opened the door and saw you standing there how much I\u2019d missed having you in my life, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Michael regarded him for another long moment before finally deciding to hell with it and pulling Jeff into a hug. Jeff\u2019s arms tightened around him for a moment, then let go without a word. They walked together to the door.<\/p>\n

Michael turned in the doorway. \u201cDo me a favor. Even if it\u2019s only temporary…say it this time? To my face?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jeff smiled ruefully at him, his voice still quiet and heavy with regret. \u201cGoodbye, old friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then the door closed between them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Author’s Note:\u00a0A slightly AU missing scene from “Sleeping in Light.” Acknowledgments: Thanks so much to Medie for being my beta reader, my cheerleader, and as always, a hand to hold as “OMG deadline is almost here and I’m not finished!” … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[41,158,107,162],"tags":[113,153,102,770,771,150,103,104,111,105,163],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2251"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2251"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2251\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2252,"href":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2251\/revisions\/2252"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2251"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2251"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/azar.ink-and-quill.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2251"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}