Title: Five Couples Jack Harkness Never Slept With

Author: Azar

E-mail: azarsuerte@hotmail.com

Groupings: The Sentinel--Jack/Jim/OC, NCIS--Jack/Gibbs/DiNozzo, Highlander--Jack/Amanda/Methos, Stargate SG-1--Jack (still Harkness)/Daniel/Vala, Stargate Atlantis--Jack/Sheppard/Weir

Rating: R to be on the safe side

Spoilers: Torchwood--"Everything Changes"; Doctor Who--up through "Parting of the Ways," but with a sly side-nod to "The Girl in the Fireplace"; SG-1--season 10, to be safe; Stargate Atlantis--nothing past season 2; no others that I can think of

Disclaimer: BBC, RTD, Gekko, MGM, Pet Fly, DPB/Bellisarius, etc.

Note: Written for Medie for Christmas, so the first bit is set in her Counterparts Sentinel AU. Which, unfortunately, is not up on her site or I would link you to it!

Summary: See title. *g*

"Five Couples Jack Harkness Never Slept With"
by Azar

I. A Sense of Adventure

Jack had heard about Sentinels. By his time, they were mostly extinct again, but the combination of genes responsible for it had a remarkable knack for resurfacing when needed. The late twentieth century had been one of those times.

What he hadn't heard, but had deduced on his own thanks largely in part to an overactive and extremely graphic imagination was that sex with a Sentinel--or two--could either be mind-blowing beyond belief or utter torture or both. With that kind of sensory acuity, the slightest touch could potentially send a partner over the edge, and just thinking about that had fueled more than a few of his favorite fantasies.

Now that he was standing on a street in Cascade, being placed under arrest for a crime he hadn't committed by two Sentinels, the only hard part was deciding which one to seduce first. On the one hand, there was Detective James Ellison, the first twentieth century Sentinel on record, with the body of a Hercules, the face of an Adonis and piercing blue eyes. On the other, Canada's first Sentinel of record, Annie Langdon, stood beside him, looking like an avenging angel with her long yellow hair and eyes as blue as her lover's in some lights, and a brilliant jade green in others.

To say he was turned on would be something of an understatement.

"Look, I didn't kill him," he argued calmly. "I just stumbled across the guy a second before you two did. And I can prove it to you." He looked straight at Annie. "You're both Sentinels. Is my scent *anywhere* on him?"

Suddenly Jack found himself being slammed against the wall of the alley, Ellison's voice growling so close in his ear that he could feel the other man's breath: "How the hell do you know about that?"

A heartbeat later, Langdon's gun came to rest against his temple. "I'd answer him if I were you," she stated cooly. "Especially since if I can smell your arousal, so can Jim, and he's a bit...territorial when it comes to me."

Jack laughed. Forget choosing, he wanted them both, and the sooner the better. "Hey, you two are legends in my time. I wouldn't dream of coming between you...except maybe in the literal sense." His hips twitched almost of their own volition, and Ellison had him pinned bodily enough that he couldn't help but grind against the man a little in the process.

He saw Langdon glance over at Ellison, and could imagine the look the other Sentinel gave her in return.

"Let me go and I'll tell you everything you want to know," he promised with a grin that quickly turned into a leer. "Along with a few things you probably don't. But I'll make it worth your while."

II. When the Pupil is Ready

Something about the late twentieth, early twenty-first century seemed to have produced a lot of territorial alpha males. If the way he was glaring at Jack was anything to go by, Special Agent Jethro Gibbs was definitely one of them. The question was: was he being territorial about the case--which meant nothing to Jack except it stood between him and his latest piece of priceless space junk--or about the way Jack was shamelessly checking out Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, whose hand he'd just taken. Probably a bit of both.

"It's a pleasure..." Jack drawled in his most charming tone of voice, before turning to Agent Gibbs and blatantly giving him a once-over as well. "I have a feeling we'd work *very* well together. But since Agent Gibbs here doesn't seem to like that idea, let me just get what I need for my investigation and I'll be on my way..."

Gibbs just grunted something unintelligible, and Tony immediately pulled his hand out of Jack's, taking a step back probably without even realizing he'd done so.

Jack glanced from one to the other, a broad grin spreading across his face. Oh yeah, they were a couple, even if they didn't know it yet.

Fortunately, Jack had always considered himself an excellent teacher. He strode past them, discreetly pocketed the worthless trinket he'd come for, and walked back over to the two men, slapping them both on the back. "So. What does NCIS do for fun?"

III. Careful What You Wish For

The first time he slept with Methos, he'd still been a Time Agent, on vacation in Ancient Rome. Pompeii, to be exact--he'd always had a fondness for Pompeii--about fifteen years before the eruption of Vesuvius. Getting a cover there was easy--a prostitute, especially a male one, who was as good looking and healthy as Jack was, and seemed to be immune to most of the diseases rampant at the time? Always in high demand.

Jack had been a Saturnalia gift to the senator's old friend--neither senator nor Jack had known at the time just how old.

The first time he slept with Amanda, it had been at Versailles, during the time of Louis XV. They were both after a priceless piece of jewelry owned by the king's mistress, Madame de Pompadour--Amanda because it was a priceless piece of jewelry, Jack because there was something suspiciously non-terrestrial (or at least non-contemporary) about it. They'd gotten distracted by each other, however, and both failed to retrieve it. But there was a certain satisfaction still to be had in being able to say he'd had sex in the King of France's own bed while he was at a party elsewhere in the palace.

The first time he'd slept with both of them had been in 1929 in New York, only a few weeks before the stock market crash. He'd recognized them both at a speakeasy, and had been more than a little surprised when they'd both recognized him too. If it had been just one, it could have been coincidence that and they could be fellow Time Agents, but both was a little more unlikely. Unless they were traveling forward in time the old fashioned way--linearly. It had taken a lot of talking, a little more of his own story than he technically should be sharing, and a lot of bathtub gin, but he'd eventually found out they were both Immortal.

"You've got it all," he told them later that night when they were lying tangled together in Amanda's bed. "Me, I can visit any period in history I like, but I can't really live there, get to know it inside and out. If someone like you ever became a Time Agent...they'd have the entire universe at their fingertips, and infinite time to explore it."

Methos started to protest, but Amanda smacked him with a pillow. "Oh, don't bore him with some old lecture about the Game, and how being Immortal's not all fun and games. Especially considering you and I are the *last* people qualified--we've spent more time running away from the Game than fighting it."

The second time he slept with both of them had been in Paris in the 1990s. He'd shot himself in front of them, watched as the wounds closed up and then dropped to his knees begging, "What the hell happened to me? Am I one of you?"

They'd had no answers to offer him--whatever he was, he wasn't part of the Game any more than he was still part of the human race--but they had offered comfort, and he'd clung to it until morning. Then he'd gotten up before either of them and fled his own shattered hopes.

IV. In for a Penny

"So, here's the problem," Vala Mal Doran stated, setting her drink down on the bar and folding her hands in front of her. "I know Daniel's attracted to me, he's just got a very bad case of denial. I've done my best to persuade him of this, but apparently I must be doing something wrong, as it doesn't seem to be working."

Jack set down his martini. "Which is where I come in."

"Well, it makes a good deal of sense," she argued with a sly smile. "And it was dreadfully kind of you to give me that temporal locator beacon or whatever it was. I did think about selling it, but I'm rather glad I didn't--it's proved useful, as you can see." She covered his hand with hers, lips widening in a wicked smile and the gleam in her eyes bringing back pleasant memories. "But anyway, when my powers of persuasion fail, clearly the only thing left to do is bring in the one man I know who's even more persuasive, and we combine forces. Which is exactly where you come in."

He pretended to consider, but a smile matching hers in mischief was already trying to work its way onto his face. "So what does this Daniel Jackson look like?"

"Gorgeous," she stated simply. "Tall, perfect body, face a sculptor would kill for, and the most amazing blue eyes." She looked Jack up and down once, then smirked. "Rather like yourself, actually, although truth be told he doesn't look a bit like you either."

Jack grinned. "That's okay. I like variety."

Vala poked her tongue out between her teeth in a display that was girlish and seductive all at once. Her voice dipped into a low, sultry tone that he loved. "Oh, I remember. So, have we got a deal?"

"Depends," he teased, delighting almost as much in tormenting her as he would when the torment ended in favor of a different kind. "What's in it for me?"

Vala looked at him, doing her best to look disappointed. "Really, Jack. If I have to tell you *that*, you're clearly not the man I've always believed you to be."

That made him laugh out loud. "You've got a deal."

Right on cue, a man matching Vala's description entered the bar and made straight towards them. Only she'd forgotten to mention the glasses, which somehow not only completed but enhanced the whole picture.

"Vala, how many times do I have to tell you not to run off?" Daniel fumed, and Jack couldn't help but think of how all that energy could be redirected. If he hadn't been interested before, he certainly would be now.

"Dreadfully sorry, Daniel, I was just having a drink with Jack here, who just happens to be is one of my oldest...acquaintances."

That stopped Daniel in the middle of whatever he'd been intending to say. "He's...what?"

Jack grinned and stuck out a hand. "Captain Jack Harkness. You must be Daniel Jackson--I've heard all about you."

The other man frowned. "Ah...exactly how much is 'all'?"

Jack made a show of glancing around at the very public place they were in before suggesting in his most persuasive voice, "Shouldn't we find ourselves somewhere a bit more...private, before I answer that?"

V. Back to Basics

"The thing about sex," Captain Jack Harkness explained. "Is that you people always assume it complicates things. I think it simplifies them."

John Sheppard eyed at him suspiciously over his midnight snack, probably wondering how they'd gotten on the subject. Daedalus' mess hall was deserted, except for the two of them--everyone else, including the rest of the Torchwood team, having already gone to bed--so there was no one to rescue him from the conversation, which suited Jack just fine. "Well, sure, I've had my share of one night stands--"

Jack shook his head. "That's not what I mean."

Sheppard's eyes narrowed. "Then what do you mean?"

In answer, Jack leaned across the table, took the other man's face in both hands and kissed him. At first, John reacted like most "straight" twentieth-century military men--not at all--but before long his curiosity got the better of him and he tentatively started to respond. Jack had been counting on it.

Of course, as soon as he let him go, Sheppard darted a quick glance around the mess hall, presumably to make sure they were still alone, and then shot him a dirty look.

"You see?" Jack stated, smiling wryly. "Simple."

"Not really," John hedged, dropping his eyes to his mug.

"I never said there weren't complications," Jack clarified. "Just that me kissing you wasn't one of them. In fact, I'd bet that whatever 'complication' you're thinking about has a lot more to do with someone you'd like to be having sex with, but aren't."

He knew he was right the minute the other man started to fidget in his seat, so decided to press his point. "Or maybe what's complicated is what society tells you that you should feel about sex. That being in a sexual relationship with someone you love will make you unable to make rational judgments in dangerous situations if they're involved, never mind the fact that you're probably already pretty irrational where they're concerned. They tell you that you can't be attracted to or have feelings for more than one person, or more than one gender, and if you do then you're betraying your partners. Sex itself isn't complicated--what's complicated is all the rules you're supposed to apply to it." He couldn't help a trace of bitterness that crept into his voice on that last part, and winced--usually he was able to hide it better than that.

"So if you're so sure of that, why aren't you sleeping with your team?" John shot back, a smugly satisfied tone in his voice that suggested he thought he'd made a hit.

Jack shot him a dangerously smoldering look in return. "Who says I'm not?"

That took the other man aback. "All *four* of them?"

Jack shrugged. "No. They're not ready for that. But that's the complication, not the sex itself." He set his cup down and leaned back to study the man across from him. "I'd be willing to bet that if you actually slept with that person or persons you're thinking of right now, and then refused to feel guilty about it, it would make not just your relationship, but your life a whole lot simpler."

"Easy for you to say," Sheppard grumbled into his coffee cup.

"Shouldn't you boys be in bed?" an amused female voice broke in suddenly from behind Jack.

Sheppard just about jumped out of his seat, almost knocking over his coffee cup in the process and seeming to choke on the mouthful he'd just taken. Intrigued by and highly suspicious of the guilty expression that had sprung onto the Lieutenant Colonel's face and the way he seemed determined not to meet the newcomer's eyes, Jack glanced back to see who had joined them. He grinned broadly at a sight he'd almost been expecting: that of Doctor Elizabeth Weir. Enter complication, he thought smugly to himself.

"Good timing. I was just trying to convince Colonel Sheppard of the same thing," Jack drawled with a slow, seductive smile. Though she was free to assume otherwise, the empty chair at the table was not what he had in mind when he concluded with, "Why don't you join us?"

FIN